Performancing Metrics


Sorry, wrong number.


I’ve been receiving calls and voicemails from an unknown Cleveland number since well before Thanksgiving. I’ve had my number for as long as I’ve had a cell phone (minus the first 2-3 years of AirTouch Cellular — WOW, I AM OLD). Regardless, for over 10 years, nothing has changed if you need to get in touch with me (much to the dismay of some family members who say they no longer have my number, which they think somehow changed without their notice upon my relo to Pittsburgh).

But I digress…

This woman has been dialing up “Mark” for months on end. And I kept forgetting to save the number in my phone, so that the “next time” she called I would answer and tell her she has been misdialing for some time. I attempted a text message, but soon learned by a robotic response that she was dialing from a landline. Her messages were often in the middle of the night, often dialed repeatedly, and, especially the one on Christmas, often incoherent (read: drunk). I should mention, that in her rambling, I initially thought she was calling for “Mom” (and sympathetically considered the heartbreak in those drunken messages to reaching, what seemed to be, a detached parent). But recently I decoded “Mark” in her not-drunk voice and decided to record a greeting with my name, so as to hopefully dissuade her from calling back.

Then, last night — at almost midnight — she left a message FOR ME, calling me by name… telling me to “have Mark call her.”


She then called back five minutes later. To which, I answered the phone in my sleepy state and bitterly told her that she had the wrong number. She was near-hostile at my telling her that I’ve had the phone number for years (when she asked if I recently got this number) and that “there is no Mark” (when she asked if I knew this imaginary phone person). And she blathered on about… something — I imagine she must have been drunk again — and I hung up on her.

I swear, I will cut a bitch if she calls back.

But this situation leads me to some additional thoughts: has this person, Mark, ever returned the favor of a phone call? She’s been calling for months trying to reach this person — has she EVER communicated to this person during that time? Did Mark give her the incorrect number — either on accident or purposely? WHO IS MARK TO THIS WOMAN: a distanced brother of family member or an ex? One night stand? I mean, if it’s that last option, at what point would you stop calling someone? NEVER?

  • Adam Williams

    I keep getting debt collectors for people that have not paid their student loans calling me.  Names of people I’ve never heard of.  And, I’ve never even had a student loan.

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