Like a yogurt commercial talking about gut and digestion issues, ain’t no probiotics that are going to aid this discomfort. It’s time to rebalance and talk about women stuff. And good bacteria.
I’m not deficient in magnesium, but there’s definitely more that I can do to supplement my healthy eating habits. And while I’m no Jamie Lee Curtis, it’s time to share the support for healthy immune system. I need to listen to my body more — especially about what has been destroying my insides, inducing my anxiety (really) and… well, wreaking havoc on my hormones. See also: hormone regulation to keep my dang skin clear.
You ARE what you eat. Seriously.
I want Twinkies. Really.
Have you ever looked what is IN those things? I can’t even look at a box of Fruity Pebbles — once my favorite cereal — without feeling nauseous over all the artificial dyes and ingredients.
But I digress. Certain vitamins are good for different functions, and as a mentioned, these macrominerals help out with metabolism. Here are a few reasons I take them: healthy appetite, prevention of muscle cramps and weakness, insomnia (I wish I could take all of the things to help that) and the right amount even helps out a bit with daily mood. Well, at least I can tell when I’m seriously deficient.
Are you using supplements? Have you caught onto this crazy health stuff with bodily functions?
Having been invited to yet another wedding this year, I cracked up at, like, 99% of this:
Boy do I want to rant about weddings. Maybe after I have another glass of wine…
There’s a reason why I love to bake: it’s exact; there’s no fiddling with or figuring out ingredients measured-to-taste. There’s no fucking roux. Not to mention, I just plain love sweets. Baking up a batch of cookies or cupcakes is something that always came easy; cooking dinner, well, I’m definitely not making dinner with an impression. I bake well — I made homemade cinnamon rolls for chrissakes, and they were awesome — but as any baker or chef in the kitchen knows, even when measured and timed precisely, shit happens: muffins collapse, cookies burn, frosting has WAY too much gin in it.
I present to you: an adventure in pink-boxed baked goods.
I fell for the stupidly cute rabbit on the box and the promise of making my own whoopie pies — carrot cake with cream cheese filling whoopie pies, no less — in a Target store around Easter. BLAME THE CADBURY CREME EGGS FOR ME BEING IN THIS SECTION IN THE FIRST PLACE! Quick, easy, gratuitous sweet craving purchase. And the happy box has sat in my pantry since Easter. Thinking about this now in terms of time, without even checking an expiration date, has made me sick.
Look! Even the cat is completely disinterested in this shit. I should have taken that as a sign.
But I had some free time this weekend, and I was craving cake, and my eye was drawn to that damn white bunny again.
The box came with all the powdered stuff measured and packaged together, as well as *gulp* an extra packet for the cream cheese frosting. Powdered cream cheese. I should have also taken that as a sign. BUT MORE ON THAT LATER.
All I needed to add was some milk, vegetable oil, an egg and a whole stick of butter (which foiled my plans at baking anything worthwhile for the remainder of the weekend) for the cake portion. And, something crazy like, half a bag of powdered sugar for the frosting.
This is what baking is like for me now. A MESS. I cannot stir at all with my left hand. My dominant right is casted and nearly as useless. But I pretend I can do great things and nothing like a stupid cast will get me down.
Oh, god, I want to throw up looking at the batter. CHUNKS. THERE ARE BLOWN CHUNKS IN MY BATTER. Blown chunks, Target boxed good says, are some kind of crazy shit made up called candied carrots. I almost forgot, I had no vegetable oil, so I subsituted canola. I know, I should have called it a day right then and there. But as the Queen says, “THERE MUST BE CAKE!” At least, in my house, the Queen doth sayeth. Regardless of chunks.
Did I also mention that I was probably definitely drunk when I made these things? Because there is no reason ever why you should bake “cookies” this close together.
I have multiple sizes of cookie sheets, but have no idea why I used this one. Or, only one, for that matter. It barely holds a dozen tiny cookie dough balls. But I stacked and moved around mounds of chunked batter on my cute parchment-lined sheet — A baker never forgets her parchment paper — thinking that’s aiiiiight.
No matter, we have kitchen tools for this.
So while those creatures of the boxed kind were cooling, I took to making the cream cheese frosting for the sandwich. Mmmmmm… sandwiches. Oh holy mother of Dutch County, this packet of “frosting” was rancid and smelled worse than cow pies. Oh man, am I making cowpies?! No amount of powdered sugar was going to change that this shit stunk and tasted like old sneakers.
Seriously. At this point, I really, REALLY wish I had some real cream cheese in the fridge. This was all kinds of wrong. YET I CONTINUED ON… There was going to be a candied-carrot cakey pizza-cutted dream sandwich before dusk. But I got bored/distracted waiting for those damn things to cool and put the “cream cheese” mixture in the fridge. Hoping for it to become… I don’t know, real, in the cooler temps.
But… See? End result is kind of pretty.
I do love you, blogs and whoopie pies.
That was the only whoopie pie that I made in my lifetime. This was an abomination of all things whoopie. THERE WAS NO WHOOPIE HAVING IN MY HOUSE THIS WEEKEND!
But I will revisit this again, Internets. You will NOT put me in a box.
So, this month’s foodzie tasting box was delivered unusually late (WTH, FedEx?). It’s not my favorite, but there are a couple items that I really enjoyed. And most importantly, there are things to share.
In the box:
Parmesan & Rosemary Microwave Popcorn (!!!) from Quinn Popcorn – remember that time when I didn’t have a microwave? Or that I didn’t like popcorn? And that I hated rosemary? Yeahhhh. (note: there are stovetop directions available online, and this snack better suits the boyfriend’s snacking habits)
Gluten-free Sesame Seed Bars from Bumble Bar – I received one each of chocolate crisp and original peanut. I like these. A lot.
Dried Plums from Blossom Bluff Orchards – I’m definitely on a dried fruit kick, particularly for pre-practices and these are, obviously, better than packaged jelly fruit snacks. I’m slowly getting used to the taste of plums.
Classing Gold Sparkling Yerba Mate from Guayaki – This drink is delicious AND refreshing — and a much better-for-you cola replacement. PS: it’s pronounced “yer-bah mah-tay” (NOT yer-bah MATE, rhymes with “date”). Oops.
Styrian Pumpkin Seeds by CB’s Nuts – Cool concept of small-batch, micro-roasted nuts and seeds. But I also do not like pumpkin seeds. Meh. The boyfriend will eat them, however.
We’ve been looking to purchase reusable produce bags (for the few items that we DO have to bag individually at the grocery store), and one from Flip & Tumble was included as a bonus item. Score!
Sign up for Foodzie! Disclaimer: I am not compensated or sponsored in any way for this post or my subscription; I just like to share the independent foodmakers included in each tasting box.
For this month’s Foodzie box, I had a choice (as I normally do) for which tasting box I wanted to have delivered, and decided on the themed package that showcased snacks, candy and general awesomeness from independent food companies in a location-specific NYC borough — named, appropriately, the Brooklyn Box.
In the Box:
Beer Truffles from Nunu Chocolates – Two of my favorite dietary must-haves in one treat? SOLD! Also, if I ever make it to NYC, I have to visit their flagship location for chocolate AND BEER (yeah, their draft list is hella awesome).
“The King” Bar from Liddabit Sweets
Bacon Fat Old Bay Peanuts (oh yeah) from Ovenly — yeah, I’m over the bacon thing… but the boyfriend appreciated the inclusion of this bag of seasoned nuts.
Red Onion Rosemary Crackers from Z Crackers — these will be going on our cheese & Charcuterie platter for our “We Bought Some Patio Furniture!” Patio Party.
Organic Dried Mangoes from Peeled Snacks
And my favorite item o’ the box: Farmhand’s Choice Granola from Early Bird Granola — true story: I am not likely to buy my granola from anywhere else. This mix of organic oats and grains and nuts and olive oil is so fucking delicious. I want it on and with or after everything. I will also continue giving them my money in exchange for good stuff because of THIS:
Disclaimer: I am NOT paid, sponsored or fed by Foodzie. But you really should subscribe to their monthly Tasting Box.