*blue balls not included.
You'll do.
This was too important to leave down in the comments.
Commented by anonymous “Lonely” here on LL&PoyB:
The whole debate over pros and cons of long-distance relationships assumes that you have the ability to choose one over the other. That one day you wake up and decide, “I want to date someone” and then only need to decide where that person lives.
Not all of us are so lucky.
Dating certainly does not equate to waking up and choosing, “I’d like to date someone today” (and with that, men don’t wear IDs around their necks to reflect their home state). But you get nowhere fast by deciding to do nothing. Or worse — leaving it up to chance.
I don’t believe that dating is all about serendipity. There is more at stake here than relying on luck or fate or your Grandmother setting you up with the guy that mows the lawn (And you should see the way he mows the lawn!). Maybe at some point in life, the universe is align, you won the Pick 3 and you get all of the above in your favor, but dating — albeit fun — is work.
Some of us are so lonely and feel so hopeless in life that any relationship, long distance or not, would be one of the best things for us emotionally. Some of us have gone YEARS, not months, without a nice kiss or more. And no, its not just about getting laid; its about the fact that we aren’t meant to be alone in the world, and no matter how badly we want to date, no one will give us the chance.
I must stop you. There is no reason that ANYONE should have to go YEARS without so much as human touch. There is a difference to “being alone in the world” than just being alone (ie: single).
Come along, and join me on an entertaining “relationships-being-like-work” analogy. Think about being hired for a new job. I’m 99.73% positive your current occupation did not fall into your lap. You made a decision that you needed a new job. You created a resume. You posted that resume online or sent it to prospective employers. Maybe you sat back for a second — wishing, wondering, DOUBTING YOURSELF, but then you received a phone call or an e-mail. Then you interview for that job — sometimes more than one interview (or in my favorite scenario, the group interview). Finale: you either get the job or you don’t. They might not call to tell you “no, thank you.” They may not return your e-mails. You might even nervously bump into that hiring manager at a networking event at the Hyatt when you drink too many apple-tinis. Lonely, what are you doing to get that job?
Point being, there is a corner office with a view of Lake Erie out there for everyone, but you have to do something to get it. Go somewhere new, do something different, get out of the rut, find your own interests and change your life… fucking move, for all I care. Remember sage advice as “life is what happens when you’re making other plans.” So… go make some plans already. It’s not about luck or chance or fate — it’s called “putting yourself out there” and more importantly, making an effort.
With the people that purportedly “won’t give you a chance,” perhaps that backlash needs to be turned internally by lowering your standards, taking a chance on someone not YOUR type. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t have standards, but LOWER THEM without compromising what is important. That means stop looking for Mr./Mrs. Right, Prince Charming, Princess Lea in the gold bikini, the White Knight, Angelina Jolie — whatever fucking fairy tale that is replaying in your head. Mighty Mouse? Yeah, him too. Have fun conversing with new and different personalities. Who I consider to be good looking may be someone’s troll. I see friends drooling over men with 12-pack abs, and it makes me cringe (ew. gross). Some have t/d/h, others s&s. I have HG… just saying.
In this day-and-age, modern technology has made it easy for single persons to meet anyone. Why else would there be Jew Date or BDSM Chain Palace or Special Arrangements or… puke — eHarmony. Online matchmaking is not my bag, but I have seen and heard successes through friends and neighbors. Everyday strangers meet people in coffeeshops and I-77 and WAL-MART by means of a Missed Connection (h/t Rob!). You read my blog… so, START YOUR OWN. Get your negative thoughts out of your head. Every time you feel self-esteem-harming thoughts, start writing — and stop complaining.
Walking around with a negative attitude about dating and relationships will only continue to result in negative experiences. You will not find someone if you do not enjoy your life. Bitching about “not meeting anyone,” is just that — bitching about it. It is not being proactive about the situation. Even meeting potential bitches.
The debate over long distance relationships is like a luxury to us. Don’t take it for granted, or you might never know what its like to be truly lonely.
First off, I don’t take anything or anyone in my life for granted — I have in my past, and for that I learned a harsh lesson. I am over-joyed at meeting new people, and elated when connections happen. A person can only perpetuate his own never-ending cycle of loneliness. This. being a self-fulfilled prophecy, and the cause AND effect of giving up. Each person’s range of emotion is directly associated to his or her own life experience. I can talk about experiencing “true loneliness” — or naively mention something as “the worst thing to ever have happened” — but that’s only a personal reflection on my own good and bad trips and leaps. It’s not fair to anyone to assume what you feel is the worst. And yes, in my experience, I have felt what I consider to be TRULY LONELY. And guess what? It didn’t change until I started to make an effort to do so.
This post became too depressive. Let’s get back to the important stuff, like : laughter, common decency… err, interests, chivalry, conversation, board games and pizza toppings. And yes, peanut butter.
Put yourself out there. Choose your attitude (and for your sake, I hope it’s positive). Be like the fish.
Readers: advice to Lonely? Am I wrong in thinking that we create our own happiness — or unhappiness, for that matter?
-photo courtesy of The Joke’s On You.
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This blog is about pursuit: a transplanted Clevelander (me) in a new city (that's you, Pittsburgh!), pursuing the role of a self-employed copywriter, becoming a roller derby badass and somehow merging all my to-do items into one ever-growing Bucket List.
And of MY boyfriend. His blue balls started this mess.
