Life, Liberty & Pursuit Of Your Boyfriend

Back to engagement stories again (why are we still talking about this?). I retold the story of my former engagement to AB the other night, and it was… weird. Having to recapture and retell a story that I had all but really forgotten (purposely, of course). Sure, stories of exes come up, but it was almost uncomfortable trying to remember that I almost married someone else. Someone wonderful, but not for me.

Then I had flashbacks of that day in particular — it all felt very unlike the me who I am today. EVERYTHING has changed, from my ideals about marriage and family to reproductive rights and money and work to religion to love and sexuality and all those sort of “things” that are essentially truly important aspects of one’s character.

I don’t even read horoscopes anymore, which is really strange and minute in all of life, but I used to obsess over star signs and birthdates and numerology — and I still cannot get Astrocenter to stop sending me those damn emails! I despise once-worthy motivational quotes, where it seems most people lose a sense of self and his/her own reasons for change, accountability, etc. (I mean really, if I hear “everything happens for a reason” as a cop out one more time, I will stab you with my shoe).

With talks of selling my condo and moving in together and views on marriage and children coming up in conversations, I can’t help but think about how much has changed in only three years.

For one (if I haven’t vented enough), I absolutely HATE living in Rocky River. HATE IT. Most people light up at the beauty of the homes and proximity of natural resources — that’s great — and I’m close to the bus stop — which seemingly, is never used by RR residents, because, well, they’re ALL SOCCER MOMS and they all seemingly love chain restaurants. The only aspect of the west side that I enjoy anymore is being mere miles from my new favorite shopping location: Nature’s Bin. LOVE it.

But what I really want is to be a mere block or two (or a bike ride) from the West Side Market. I realize that living in Downtown/Ohio City/Tremont has its problems, mainly parking and crime — both of which I’ve experienced in the last couple months, but I love the mingling of culture and diversity. I love the liveliness of restaurants and local chefs creating masterpieces on dinner plates around downtown. The maintenance of  flowers and planters on East 4th is breath-taking compared to the piece of shit “landscaping” I pay $300 per month to a criminal condo association.

Yes, RR is quiet and “safe,” but keep in mind that two years ago my neighbor stabbed his friend in the hallway of my building (and subsequently “went away” for about eight years). And the association took almost two WEEKS to clean up the blood on the carpet, wall and banister. I won’t even get into how long they are taking to fix the broken/leaking pipe in my bathroom wall. Oh, still not fixed…

I also watched another prior neighbor throw her man’s shit all over the front yard from the second story balcony — TV included. Awesome bitch. See? Crime and relationship humor can happen anywhere.

I’ve distanced myself from changed and strained friendships, and reconnected with old ones. In all the ways I like to think those other people changed, I realized it is most definitley, me. I’m more apathetic than I used to be, but in all the right places. I’m less emotional, but more stressed out — which I think AB will help me sort through, as “stress” to him is like an unlearned foreign language.

I’m less anxious but more socially conscious, less drug-dependent, more optimistic, less tolerant of too many things to mention, yet more open-minded. I eat healthier and more natural and organic. I crave fresh foods more than Tastykake Butterscotch Krimpets (most nights).

I no longer color my hair, as I suddenly became enamored in the shade of red-brown that I’ve been covering up with black dye for the last few seasons. I don’t pay for things in which I can do on my own (most beauty regimens and pampering). I’ve invested in a really good skin care. Oh, Murad, you are the best thing to have happened to my face! I spend my (wholly hard-earned) money on expensive jeans and branded pumps, rather than $200 shopping sprees at H&M. I take said shoes that I heart to a cobbler to be repaired as new, rather than throwing them away.

Why do I never seem to have enough time to paint my nails?

I’ve QUIT SMOKING (a full YEAR, bitches!). I’m trying to (puke) run again. I haven’t had cable in over two years. I definitely get more annoyed and opinionated — mostly at reality TV.

I’m not afraid anymore: of present or future or maybes or potentials or the IRS (OK, they scare me a little bit) or of running alone. I’ve been freaking writing this blog for almost seven years though…

And I’m still afraid of spiders.

Listening: The Airborne Toxic Event — what a GREAT show Tuesday at the HOB!

Eating: Healthier, smaller portions. Blah. Loving the tomato-basil bread we purchased from the West Side Market last weekend; it made an interesting pairing with the giant portobellos for sandwiches. And yum, SWEET CORN EVERYWHERE!

Cheesing: This week, only fresh mozzarella from Irene Dever (also at WSM), which was included in an awesome fresh tomato, basil & mozzarella salad. Super Summery!

Drinking: Blueberry-Pomegranite margaritas on my friend’s porch for her birthday! Arriba!

Exciting: I am booked for a cruise in January with AB! (And rehab shortly thereafter…). More details on that later.

Running: Just started Wednesday morning. It was rough, after having not run for so long. Nothing really “hurt” except for my lungs. And my nose started to bleed. And well, shit, I am so out of running shape, I could only do five-minute running intervals. BUT, I was out for almost a half hour. Downtown is a completely different place at 5am. I also have ONLY five weeks until my first 5K. Oh, man… Slow. Death. Is. Coming.

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