Life, Liberty & Pursuit Of Your Boyfriend

This was the best camping trip yet! I am so happy I decided to go this year. I cannot believe for a second that I forgot how much I look forward to this trip every July. We had 99 confirmed campers — 88 of which were rafting. New River water levels were high, and I finally got to be on a boat with all the guys. If you missed it, I posted pictures here a couple days ago.

Friday was HOT to put up the tent, but nothing a few cases of beer wouldn’t solve. I took an initial liking to one of my fellow campers (a 20-something from Cleveland, oddly enough, that I remembered from the rafting trip a couple years ago). He ended up being ridiculously cocky and arrogant and by Saturday, he just grinded on my last nerves. I think there’s a reason I shouldn’t date 20-somethings… EVER AGAIN. Meanwhile, he crashed in my tent anyway because his roomie was getting busy, and I was annoyed as all get out. When I went to the bathroom in the morning (woods, of course) I prayed to the Campfire Gods he would be gone when I returned (he was).

I was seriously hungover while rafting the next morning, but making the best out of my new sexy smoking voice I picked up overnight. The bus ride down to the river was probably the worst part of the adventure. Do the wheels on the bus make you puke, puke, puke?

Rapids were consistent and mostly at Level IV or V (a few II’s in there), and my ass cheeks were in their best clenching form. Happily, I was not the first thrown from the boat.

At one point, losing my paddle, I got to ride bitch in the boat, which was awesome (save only for being smooshed by men in both directions each time the boat took a rapid). Probably the scariest portion was our “surfing” attempt at the Greyhound rapid. When our boat flipped (purposely, of course), I took off to the right over the guide’s head, but my foot wanted to stay on the boat. My ankle got caught in the straps, yet the top part of my body was under water. I wanted to abandon ship, but instead I had to pull all the adrenaline left in me to pull myself up out of the water to untangle my foot. Thankfully, I guess I have the ab strength to pull it off. Crap, that was scary. Closest I ever came to being amputated, I guess — and yes, I have a gnarly bruise. I’m also rocking a sweet-ass life preserver tan. And there were lesbians in our group making out every time they hit the water — uh, that was sweet.

The guide noticed that I wasn’t getting in the water, so he intentionally pushed me out of the boat. My new male boat companions and I floated peacefully on the river and rocked some cool Superman poses in the water. The best was the Car Show spin. (I guess you just had to be there). Also, we were able to jump out and swim the last rapid (all abandon ship!) and go against stream to our dock point. Whew, workout!

The weather stayed beautiful the entire weekend, with just a brief tinkle from the skies around the campfire somewhere into the wee hours of Saturday night. After listening to this awesome acoustic group at the townie bar at the other end of the campsite, we convinced them to play around our campfire. That was such a very cool moment.

Then, I went back to my tent around 4:30 a.m. ALONE. Some time a few drunken songs later, Arrogant Bastard from the night before decides to bring all his shit back over to my tent to crash again. I instantly jumped up upon hearing the zipper and started telling him to get out. He kept persisting to just “sleep at the other side” and the like, but then (drunk) I started throwing his stuff out of the tent and across the campsite. Out of nowhere, a voice rings out NO MEANS NO, DUDE! — one of the funniest freakin’ things I have ever heard. Thankfully, he got the message and left.

By the way, asshole has a girlfriend in Cleveland. Yes, I just saw all you girls cringe.

Sucks because there was another guy there that I was totally looking forward to getting to know better, and it just never happened because I had douche bag constantly on my tail. I know, I was drunk and vulnerable and fell for all that cocky charm, wtf ever.

Eh, maybe next year.

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