I didn’t go all dramatic or crazy (or both) and destroy the contents of my ex box. As I opened it this weekend (whatever, I was already in a shitty mood), I realized this was not something I wanted to throw away. That being said, I did rid my box of a few less assholes’ memorabilia, mostly in my own misguided adventures of revenge, but majority of my memories were really good and happy. Which I guess proves to me that perhaps I have made a lot of progress since these relationship went bad.
Hidden among the multiple flower cards, hand-written letters and photographs (faces not cut out) were some great pieces of history. And one mascara-smeared tissue. OK, that’s just weird. Take a trip with me through my dating history, shall we:
Seriously, half of this over-sized shoe box is filled with stuff from L. There isn’t anything predominantly important about either the time spent together or the subsequent piece of memory attached to it, but just his shit takes up more space. A t-shirt from the first night I stayed over, a betting stub when we had one of the most fun dates ever at Northfield park (he won a Trifecta!), a baseball (ironically, from the last night I would ever see him), my old cell phone with all his text messages saved to it (I can’t even power it up anymore — why do I still have this?), every PD sports article from each game he played in while we were together AND tickets and “friends and family” badges from every home game in which I attended (which was all but maybe two in that particular portion of the season). And the book “Angels & Demons” that he loaned me. I was in the middle of it when we broke up (err, he “pancaked” me), and I welled up with tears EVERY time I tried to finish it. I never have.
Ticket stubs! Oh wow, my HSS and I went to so many awesome concerts, that I forgot about most of them. Hootie & the Blowfish when it rained at Blossom; the Babyface concert when Mr. Edmonds decided to wait until the LAST minute to play “our song.” (”When Can I See You Again?” for those keeping score). And then the prom pictures. So cute and timeless, well, save for his surfer-esque haircut. All of this is stored within an old journal that I kept while we were dating. The pages have all been ripped out (and most of “our stuff” went in the trash when I met my fiance years ago), but the skeleton of the journal is amazing — little quotes or cartoons all with either my name or his, dates of our first date, first kiss, you get the picture… Cute, very high school and way too memorable and important (if only for the ticket stubs all taped throughout) to throw away.
There were a lot of letters from my ex-fiance — the first week we met, the day I moved in, his proposal letter… and the one that ripped my heart into a million pieces. The one where he told me he didn’t want to marry me. Yes, the ever-prominent “Dear John” letter left on the counter. UGH. I should probably throw that one away. He always wrote me letters. I hated it then because I felt it was an excuse not to communicate verbally, but I actually miss some of that romantic bullshit… or maybe just the raw emotion behind the words. And there was also a $200 check from him that I never cashed… I wonder what principle was behind THAT.
Postcards when I left Claymation during my move to Phoenix. He sent me a lot of postcards — one was even written in Porteguese — and they were all Cleveland themed. He always had a knack for laughing me out of my funk, even when I moved back and it didn’t work out between us.
So many things from SSD too: lots of pictures, baseball ticket stub, stuff from our NYE trip to Chicago a couple years ago — like the key card from the hotel and my party crown and awwww, his business card from when and how I first met him. *sigh* And his letter…
As some sort of healing habit, I usually write a letter to my guy after the break-up. And sometimes I actually send them. Most times though, not. But there are a couple in there that still move me emotionally (and maybe even scare me), whether still with the postage stamp attached… or the xeroxed copy. I even have my personal handwritten notes that have guided me through painful phone calls or conversations, as to not get my words wrong or misconstrued. I have a hard time thinking straight when I’m emotional, and well, sometimes you need to make certain you put everything out on the table.
So, do you keep some ex stuff around? What is your storage compartment of choice? What does it mean to you? And more importantly, why do you hold on to it?
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September 17th, 2008 at 6:01 am
I have two storage compartments: a box in my closet and a folder on my email. Now that I think about it, it is a statement in itself in how my life has changed over time. I used to write and receive letters and take pictures, etc. But for the last few years most of my life (pictures, correspondence, etc) is digital and that’s how I’ve kept stuff.
For me (and maybe this is a guy thing, be interested to hear thoughts on it), most of the time I don’t think of it as “ex stuff.” I see it as a snapshot in time, a fossil in amber, of the person I was then. That’s the reason I keep some stuff I think, and also why over time I discard other stuff. It took actually hooking up with an ex-girlfriend from high school, almost 8 years after we dated, to make me realize that what I was nostalgic for about most of my past relationships (and hence why I kept some shit that reminded me of them) was who I was then. Growing and maturing is fundamentally a good thing, but you definitely lose some things along the way while gaining some scars. If you go through life without damage, then you haven’t really lived. But that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t occasionally reflect on (and miss, even just a little bit) that part of you that was damaged. That’s why I keep some of that fucking ex-stuff. Plus, hopefully it will remind me not to make some of the same stupid fucking mistakes I made in the past. There, saying fuck twice makes me feel as if I restored some part of my masculinity that I gave up by acknowledging that I’ve kept some ex-girlfriend stuff. Fuck (eh, third time is the charm).
September 17th, 2008 at 6:02 am
My ex-box still smells like Drakkar Noir from High School. Ooooh, I miss cheerleaders…
September 17th, 2008 at 7:07 am
In my last relationship, I knew something was up (that power of intuition you referred to a coupla blogs back,) confronted her, had the whole conversation that officially ended things, and then as a bonus, got the “Dear John” letter handed to me.
I do have all of the cards and letters from that time period, and yeah there were a lot of good memories, but it’s nothing I ever look at. All of it is tucked away in the attic where I never go, so I guess that is my “ex-box.” That would be a cardboard box, btw.
Why do I have it? I’m not sure. Ask me again in a few years.
I haven’t kept much beyond that stuff, although one of the things that I still have, are the letters that my very first girlfriend sent to me while I was on vacation as a kid, back in 1988 - those are fun, if only to read the definition of a “bad day” at that age (lots of “oh my god, my mom is so annoying” type stuff.)
September 17th, 2008 at 7:45 am
Apparently I’m not as sentimental as I thought I was. . .
I really haven’t kept anything from past relationships unless it’s something that I still find of value (select mix cd’s, memorable concert tickets, signed Coldplay & Pete Yorn cd’s) that I actually don’t even associate with whichever ex anymore*
September 17th, 2008 at 8:17 am
I have a stash of letters and mix tapes … the mix tape was always the key with me and I can pinpoint the year by the mix of the songs. Lost summers.
It was lovely meeting you last night.
September 17th, 2008 at 2:24 pm
I think you should take the $200 check, cash it, and go get yourself a drink. Get out there and live dammit!!!
All it’s going to take is one great relationship, just one, to wipe the memories of every piece of shit you have had up till now. Things will work out.
September 18th, 2008 at 11:16 am
Why do we hold on to this stuff? I really do not know. I have quite a bit of stuff from one ex who turned out to be the Leader of all known douches, but for whatever reason I still have it all. Why do we do this??
September 23rd, 2008 at 8:34 am
Hmmmm!
I guess all of us have something hidden, in a box or somewhere else, male or female. I know lots of guys who keep suff also, even if it’s just a little piece of paper.
For me… is photos! all printed in a big satin parfume box, but not just with my ex’es, but with all the friends, most of them around the world, that i haven’t seen in a long time. And some postcards and letters. I guess I still love a little bit all of them, friend or boyfriens (the ones that matter), because at one point thei were part of my life and made me what I am today. Soooo, YES. I like my BOX adn I LOVE all of them.
PS: I’t better for your own broken heart to think of all your life and people that passed by with joy. It won’t be all that broken and all that sad.
September 23rd, 2008 at 8:36 am
sorry for the spelling
October 3rd, 2008 at 8:19 am
This is tough. I feel like I will never escape the power of ‘the box’!
My HSS was my first love, though not my first relationship, and we were inseperable. We were best friends, we shared everything for a year and a half, and we were both very emotional, attached, and sentimental. I still give him credit for helping to shape who I am today (even though I give myself credit too, don’t worry.)
I have since moved on, and moved in…with my current boyfriend. We have been together for two years. This of course caused a dilemma about what to do with ‘the box.’ Thankfully, my mother’s house is nearby, so after I packed my things, I handed it to her and asked her to keep it safe, as I certainly couldn’t bring it with me. I wasn’t so much afraid that current BF would find it, but that those memories could be discovered and tampered with by eyes other than my own.
I still miss him, sometimes desperately. And I agree with you, David, that it is also a longing to be your old self again. We were fleeting, romantic, boundless. It’s been 6 years since High School boy and I have been through, and we got back together twice while I was in college (and he wasn’t) and each time it was doomed to fail. Now that we have our cards in order I do wonder…but I suppose that is something to set aside in my private wish bank.
R
January 21st, 2009 at 3:51 pm
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