Performancing Metrics


If You Ever Want a Chance of Impressing the Ladies, It’s Time to Ditch the Posters and Turn Your Place Into a Classy Bachelor Pad


As Elena Morgan explained in her article for The Good Life, when you bring a woman over to your home, you want it to properly convey your independence and style. What you don’t want is for your surroundings to make the woman you want to spend more time with feel an urge to run away. According to her article, the three main things a woman pays attention to when she visits a bachelor pad is its cleanliness, personality and comfort.

If you’re currently reading this post at your place, take a look around and see what you think a woman would grade you on each of those factors. Think you’d receive at least one D or F? The good news is as long as you keep reading, you’ll learn exactly what you need to change in order to transform your place from a potential hazmat zone into somewhere that you can be proud to bring a woman you’re interested in.

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But It’s My Place!

Look, if you want your pad to look like where Steve Carell’s character lived in The 40-Year-Old Virgin, more power to you. Just don’t complain when you invite a girl over for dinner and wine, only to have her leave within fifteen minutes of getting there because of an “emergency” phone call. The reality of dating is most women want to be with a man and not a boy. They also want to feel comfortable in the place where they know they’ll be spending a lot of time if the two of you get anywhere near serious.

Does this mean you have to completely strip your personality out of your place? Absolutely not! In fact, whatever collections or other things you’re into don’t necessarily have to go away. Instead, you just need to take a page out of the married guy’s handbook and create a man cave for yourself. This will allow you to fully enjoy all the stuff you like without it completely overtaking your entire house or apartment. And because your man cave will be conveniently located in a spare bedroom, it will also allow you to show your special lady that side of your personality when the time is right.

Start with the Living Room

Since this is going to be the first place a woman sees when she comes over for the first time, as well as where the two of you may spend several hours talking and enjoying some wine, it’s the best place to start your makeover. If you’re worried about cost, keep in mind that there’s nothing wrong with getting lightly used furniture from Craigslist. Additionally, if you’re in need of a nice TV or stereo, using a Best Buy coupon from will bring the price way down.

Don’t Neglect the Bedroom

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If you’ve been sleeping on the same sheets for the last few years, you should walk into your bedroom, take them off, put them in the trash and then go get new ones from somewhere like Target or a department store. And if you have clothes strewn all over your floor, it’s also worth picking up some hangers and a large laundry basket. Bonus points for grabbing some nice candles and an air freshener that plugs into the wall!

Small Touches and General Cleanliness Go a Long Way

In terms of the kitchen, bathroom and any other areas of your place, the two most important things to remember are to have some nice touches and keep everything clean. For example, make sure that your bathroom has hand soap and a towel by the sink. Also avoid letting dirty dishes pile up in the kitchen or old towels accumulate in the floor of your bathroom. While you can probably get away with only doing a full clean of your place once a week, if you’re too busy or simply know that you’ll never stick to that schedule, it’s definitely worth hiring a maid to come by once every 7 to 10 days.

Whether you’re a college student or a professional in your thirties, living on your own can be quite nice. Just be sure that you avoid crossing the line from comfortable to slobby. And although it may take a little bit of upfront work, once you follow the advice we covered and spruce up your place, you’ll be quite happy with the positive reaction you get when ladies visit it for the first time!

Rodney Tuttle is a blogger and SMB marketing consultant. Although he’s now been married for 7 years, he still remembers when he decided to put his huge model car collection safely away in storage and actually put some effort into making his bachelor pad look good.


This is NOT a sex & the city blog.


I don’t know why I get so annoyed by someone describing this site as a “sex in the city blog.” Which, AND not IN, amiright, ladies?! But it really makes me bonkers. First off, Sex & the City was not a blog. Also, I haven’t really written about my single-something dating life in, well.. four years of my no-longer-single relationship. Our baby projects and stories are individual and personal to our own life experience. And I did NOT start this blog to “be the next Carrie.” (I’m totally a Samantha anyways). Ultimately though, wanting some experiences to be kept personal is the reason why I killed the blog. This isn’t a dating project anymore. Lifestyle blog, maybe. SATC, no. But it’s not even a blog because I have no desire to post or update regularly. Thousands of you still come back every day to make sure.

And that’s why I’m posting. TEN YEARS LATER. Because there’s still yet some life to suck out of here. SATC lasted, what, 6 seasons? And that last one was a total mess.

So, I’m reading this book about sex toys right now. The history of the sex toy, really — and its inventors, testing subjects and physiologists doing secret research about human sexuality. The 50s and 60s of last century. Infamous (and apparently, urban legend) motorized pumping devices. The days before the fleshlight. Or any sort of sexual revolution. Perhaps there was one for some people, but these test subjects were considered the heathens of society. Most of the research was under a cloak of anonymity or desensitized with BIG MEDICAL WORDS.

The topic has once again captured my interest in studying sexuality and identity. There’s a great discussion made in the book about where the lines of studious passion and personal deviation blur. People, generally speaking, are still in this holding pattern of being really shy, uncomfortable and awkward talking (and listening and reading or watching) about sex — especially if it’s a reflection upon their own lives. But this is NOT a blog about my sex life.

Know this though: If you’re a stranger talking to me about my “sex in the city blog,” you’re just creepy.


How do YOU plan on getting attention this summer? Don’t say sex.

How do YOU plan on getting attention this summer? Don’t say sex.

Dating. I’ve heard my fair share of advice. I’ve also given tons of it in return (hey, what are dating & relationship blogs for?!). I’ve rarely listened, of course — to my own, even.

But I realize that not everyone is as confident as “breaking the rules” of dating as I may be — who makes the stupid rules, really — that, and the course of dating can often change even when you’re IN a relationship. Dating doesn’t stop when you’re in a lifetime partnership. And frankly, I think remembering the reasons why we DID get the attention of our significant others is important — BECAUSE YOU MUST STAND OUT! Be memorable or be forgettable. You must keep things open, interesting, challenging, spontaneous in order to keep attention on you. Sure, the thought may be exhausting. But don’t you think that a partnership built on love is worth it?

(Note to boyfriend: just because we’re together and you have “yard work” now, does not mean you should embrace dirty fingernails. Allow me to give you the number of my manicurist.)

So, how do you intend to stand out from every other girl and get him to notice you this Summer? Clean fingernails, for one.

But Rori Rayes, trained and recognized relationship coach, has some of her own advice:

Some of Rori’s Relationship Tips:

  • Be strong on the inside; soft on the outside: confidence with who you are meets “melty marshmallow.” Translated: don’t be afraid to let someone love you. Don’t let your fears cripple you. Don’t shut down your hearts. And don’t be angry. Mmmm… marshmallows.
  • Fall in love with YOURSELF, first. Love yourself through your mistakes. Or or despite them.
  • Don’t attempt to figure out what’s going on in a relationship after one date. No. You will wait 8 months to finally give him your number to see if he’s still interested. I kid, I kid…
  • And stop trying to analyze what a man is saying. This will never change no matter your relationship status; learn this lesson now.

She adds, her “wrong roads to love” as being: 1) physical: don’t get caught up in the “who’s the most provocative or sexy?” competition that women play with one another for company; 2) mental: the core values of honesty and caring — and that you want a relationship — are important, but likes/dislikes are not; 3) spiritual: be nice, and be kind, but stop making excuses for him. Take-away: being a “reasonable” woman is not the way to go.

The emotional road is the only right path to get a man’s attention. The key is to tap into your emotions and share them. Connect with him emotionally & be ok with him opening up with you. Don’t shit bricks if you see him emotional.

I think this is as good advice as any to follow — loving yourself, being the most important thing to remember. And stop the competition already! Ew. Not sexy. How do you feel about Rori’s ways to get his attention: honest, good advice?

Rori teaches specific things you can do to raise your self-esteem that will make you irresistible to a man. To learn more subscribe to her free relationship advice e-newsletter. You’ll learn a whole new way of relating to men that will make you feel better about yourself while you find the relationship of your dreams.

{disclaimer: this review has been sponsored and compensated as part of the Single Edition network}


{holiday spirit} Mel’s Christmas Gift Guide for the men who annoy, tolerate or complete you.

{holiday spirit} Mel’s Christmas Gift Guide for the men who annoy, tolerate or complete you.

Ho-Ho-Ho! - Thanks for agreeing not to buy each other anything for Christmas and then making me feel guilty by buying something anyway.

Oh, so now it’s the last minute and essentially you’re fucked. But I’m going to share this gift guide with you anyway. So… CONGRATS! You survived long enough to not get dumped before Christmas. I mean, no man is that much of a dick he’d dump you the day before a holiday and after all the gifts are purchased, right?


Men’s gifts come in three easy shopping categories:

  • Have to Have Every New Gadget
  • Sure I’ll Cook For You
  • Needs a Makeover

Likewise, these categories fit into three various stages of relationship:

  • Unsure How to Label Us
  • Spent at Least One Holiday Together
  • Get the Fuck Out (which I covered in the post with a friendly kick in the nuts)

A gadget guy this season wants anything that includes the words: handheld, 3D, Blu-ray, Sonos, or iPhone. Think in terms of device or electronic accessory (and if he’s a Mac Head or an Android Ass), and spend according to aforementioned Status of Relationship and individual budgetary concerns. PS: If one or both of you is employed, then FUCK CHRISTMAS, and go cuddle kitties at the animal shelter.

Unsure: get him one of those 3-in-1 USB sync-n-charger thingie-do-hicker or a car phone charger.
Holiday Togetherness: he’s probably been drooling over the likes of a Roku or Mac Mini. MAYBE YOU CAN FINALLY CANCEL CABLE AND SPEND MORE TIME TOGETHER! Or a Bluetooth iPad keyboard.
Fuck Him: a Garmin

Credit: dklimke via flickr

The home chef will steal your heart… right through your stomach. Then gut it with expensive knives when you complain about the temperature of your undercooked steak. With promises of dinner on the table every night to being the go-to cook for parties and potlucks, you can thank him for making you fat with these nifty kitchen ideas.

Unsure: wow, you’re fucked. DID YOU READ ABOUT THE KNIVES?! Calm your nerves (and the man with the butcher chop) with a digital scale, a nice spice rack or matching place settings.
Together-4-EVER: cast iron skillets, a Cuisinart or anything to do with bacon- or beer-of-the-month club.
Fuck Him: an apron that reads, “I RUB MY MEAT FOR TWO MINUTES!

Who can wait for resolutions? ’tis the mother-fucking season for changing him. Change your hair, change your life, right? Clothing, shoes — replace those damn holy socks too. Shit, retool his entire underwear drawer to what YOU want to see him wear. I don’t care what level of comfortability you are in this relationship. Nobody wants to look at shitty (heh) undergarments. Who cares if his saggy balls are uncomfortable in boxer briefs. RYAN GOSLING SAYS SO!

Unsure: a set of trial size toiletry products — complete with new dop kit, a magazine subscription to GQ or… or… JEDI BATHROBE!
I LOVE YOU, SO I CAN BE COMPLETELY HONEST WITH YOU: a gift certificate for a mani-pedi (hell, a day at the spa!) or a new electric razor. And get that boy a grown-up man bag already!
Fuck Him: a baby.

Dating a hipster? I cannot fucking help you. Are mustaches still cool?

Need some gift guidance for your lady friend? Then you missed my Christmas Gift Guide to Get Your Holly in Her Jolly.


“Son, don’t date girls like that.”

“Son, don’t date girls like that.”

This, said to my first roommate and I, at a Cleveland-area Bob Evans location on one (early) Sunday morning. A continuation of Saturday night’s fun for us. YES, we were partying our balls off until the wee hours, and hungry for breakfast natch, went to our favorite local chain… in our club wear.

I still remember what I was wearing, how my hair looked… thinking, “why on earth would this man refer to me as a heathen?” before CHURCH, of all things. I was likely also donning body glitter and a sticking out my tongue piercing. Hey, it WAS still the 90s. The family scooted into their booth, while we were on full display (not-giving-a-single-fuck) at a middle table in the restaurant. And that boy STARED at us from his tall stack of pancakes, probably hoping his life would be at least partly that interesting when he “grew up” (when not under the rule of an angry fist, one could only presume) to be eating omelets with your best girl friend at 6am, laughing away… with zero care in the world.

This was certainly not the first time either that a father figure told his son NOT to date me. Including one, “get that whore out of my house” from a “dad” around those same years in my early 20s. I know, what a SLUT (!!!) having only two boyfriends in seven whole years! Then, I had little money and a retail job that paid for shit, but I acted like I had a trust fund (ahem, credit cards); I shared a room with aforementioned bestie in a “luxury” apartment (with an additional two roommates) just to live somewhere with a pool (and tanning beds)… and I lived like there wasn’t a digital camera in the world. THANK GOD FOR THAT! Those days were fun, thinking back, but I’m not surprised what others thought about me, based on my actions and irresponsibility at that age.

Being a party-girl-for-life is rarely in anyone’s “plans.” And while you can honestly only play that game for so long (seriously, ask me about my hangovers), it’s still a small sense of my identity. But, I like to think that I make a pretty damn good girlfriend now.

Let’s take a moment to laugh at our 20-something self though, shall we:

  • First, sunglasses on my head… in a bar.
  • Pierced tongue…
  • AND pierced pinky nail.
  • Besides that one being pierced, holy hell on the length of those fingernails!
  • Menthol cigarettes in the bust of my dress.
  • Beads: the necessary accessory of ANY party girl. And a Hawaiian lei. And “bar bracelets.”
  • Zebra-striped dress.
  • Maybe a little bit of the crazy eye.

I mean, is it any wonder why such damning things were said about such a “nice girl.” Snort.


{pursuit of love} How About We: Spring Fun

{pursuit of love} How About We: Spring Fun

Ah, Spring. The perfect time to fall in love, no? I’ve had my fair share of seasonal romances, but even when part of a long-term relationship, I don’t think that “dating” (each other, mind you) should cease. I know it’s difficult, what with that hibernating shape you’ve seemingly taken on, but it’s truly important to maintain some level of fun with your significant other to ward off any potential boredom. And oh my, do I get bored easily.

So, how do you get back in to the game (besides initially removing yourself from that couch, of course)? Fun activities and making plans, of course. If you’re already involved in our own life, you most definitely meet new people — and probably potential suitors. Keep your eyes (and mind… and heart) open, your interests varied and don’t be afraid to be adventurous or creative. These are ALL attractive qualities. Don’t let anyone tell you differently.

You do know that AB & I met during a 100+-person white water rafting/camping trip, right? We had mutual friends, even, but NEVER met before that trip. is celebrating its first year helping you and like-minded daters connect over interesting and unique adventures. They also offers some dating advice to successfully land (or plan) a date this spring:

  • First and foremost, BE DIRECT: When suggesting a certain restaurant or planning a specific activity, you are 40% more successful than when saying, “I don’t know; what do you want to do?” (oh my, I remember those boring days).
  • Plan ahead: Wednesday is the best day to ask someone out on a date. Sunday is the worst. True story. Seriously, I’m already dreading Monday and likely nursing a hangover (still); the last thing I want to think about on my showerless Sundays is ANOTHER thing to add to my calendar for the week. By Wednesday, I’ve nearly forgotten what trouble I got into the weekend prior and might be so inclined to take you up on your offer.
  • Make it a Double: Two-part dates have the biggest chance for success. Approximately 60% of the most responded to dates on involve a short, active first act, followed by a more intimate second location.

Because I am a sucker for connecting GOOD (and interesting) people with one another, HowAboutWe is offering all of my readers a special 33% OFF their service! Use the promo code SpringFun to receive the discount. And Have FUN!

Disclaimer: has sponsored this post.


{pursuit of love} How About We…

{pursuit of love} How About We… PromoFlyer
In Cleveland, the city was on a lot of “worst of” lists — one of which, I distinctly remember referring to the city being a horrible place to be single. At the time, amidst several dating attempts and subsequent disasters, I had to agree. I wonder how Pittsburgh compares…

You’re doing it wrong!
Regardless, I think if you haven’t figured out WHAT it is you hope to glean from dating, it can be a fruitless, tiring and disappointing journey. And that, I think, was my biggest struggle. Too often, I changed myself, my views, my personality to fit someone else’s — which obviously will NOT place you into a good, let alone healthy, relationship. Which is why I always like the idea of online dating. In being extremely specific — and dare I say it, inflexible in those requirements, you are bound to find the person that YOU want (and not who your friends, mom or great aunt Edna think is your “perfect” match). Whatever, go ahead and be picky — it’s YOUR life. Of course, when I used an online site-which-shall-not-be-named, I didn’t know WHAT I wanted from life, let alone from a partner. And come to think of it, I was wholly negative going into the experience, and as such, writing my profile was taxing, fake and, well, NO WONDER nobody wanted to date me.

As an aside, why do couples want to dismiss the fact that they met online? We’re living in a totally social media-driven world, so I can’t see why dating should be looked upon as anything different. Yet, you get the disengaged eye contact and shy, awkward answers when asked “how did you meet?” Own that shit. I think it’s awesome AND there is absolutely nothing wrong with being proactive about your love life.

Online dating should be fun!
Don’t you agree? Dating in general, should be fun. I remember when attempting to break into the online dating scene, there was a sea of lame “I like my job; I love my car; I workout” types of responses. *yawn* SO BORING, right? And not surprisingly, I never was interested in anyone. Dates were always: coffee shop, couple drinks or dinner. Wash, Rinse & Repeat: BORING. First dates that always stand out were adventurous — creative, even. I don’t think it’s any accident that I met AB while on a white water rafting/camping trip (even though it was not initially set up as a “date,” the outdoorsy-adventurer part of his personality was appealing to me). That’s why I like offers a brilliant approach to online dating, by connecting people who want to share an adventurous, fun, romantic or unique experience. I like to think that this platform weeds out the boring. In Pittsburgh, for example, I would ask:

How about we climb the stairs in the Cathedral of Learning?
Seriously, I love workout dates… so hot. The end.

How about we do a morning kayak before work?
OK, it might not be kayak weather YET, but for morning people, it’s so refreshing to go on a.m. dates, rather than after work, when everyone is feeling blah and unmotivated to socialize. Keep this in your bag o’ tricks for spring.

How about we take a glass blowing class together?
Making art goes straight to my heart. And Pittsburgh has a few places that you can check out to make this happen.

I think you get the point… What would you suggest as a creative date in Pittsburgh (or your city, if you’re reading from abroad)?

Because I Approve This Message: is offering all of my readers a Special 33% OFF their service for Valentine’s Day! Use the promo code VDAYFUN to receive the discount.


I was proud of my online dating profile. Even if it didn’t provide a shiny knight.


It’s been a while since I’ve required the services of an online dating service (thank GAWD). I had no personal success in their use, save for seeing several of my ex-boyfriends and reveling in their loser-dom, then crumpling in a sobbing ball of emotional breakdown, realizing that the same fate had been bestowed upon me. It was a sad, sad period of an extra 30 pounds, too many boxes of Butterscotch Krimpets and a couple fifths of Jack Daniels. One that I hope NEVER to repeat. I’m not naive to the positive points of these dating sites — having a set of really good friends who met this way; it just never worked for ME.

As my memory serves, I am reminded of the two time periods in which I signed up to use (before and after the Fiance, ironically). The same douchy matches were trolling the site in both of those eras, in hopes of, well, not dating at all. I mean, the SAME exact guys, with the same exact profiles — not even an updated photo. And yes, the ex-boyfriends are still there. In all, I consider online match-making a completely insane (not to mention time-consuming) experience.

Especially that other lame ass site that shall not be named and wouldn’t even approve me as a member. Hah. Like there’s something wrong with me.

Be that as it may, I’m curious as to the best online dating sites out there today. No, I’m not single. I have been asked for “help” by a somewhat social introvert, regardless of my instructions to consider another outlet. So, consider this a little experiment and a personal favor for a “friend.”

Unless there is a specialized site for sexy ladies looking for hot couples, then I’m all over that.


I am not ignorant.


I think I’ve surprised myself as to how long I could stay mad today.

And the surliness is beginning to strain the muscles in my forehead. So, I think I’m done now. You know, for sake of  the lessened elasticity and propensity for wrinkles in my 30+ face and all, not because I am not still angry.

That is all.


Valentine’s Day Ghosts


ghost-and-heart-caesarThis year is nice. Yes, nice that I don’t need to complain all over my blog that I don’t have a boyfriend, and that I’m so lonely and the holiday doesn’t mean anything, puke, puke, puke… I like that AB & I have made plans to do our “Valentine” shit together (regardless of how I feel/don’t feel about the inane holiday that WAY too many put the stock of his/her relationship): get market stuff to make dinner at home (likely, sushi), grab some small craft beers and chocolates from Lily’s. I guess you can still puke with that.

Oh where, oh where have I been the last several Valentine’s Days? Read below. Kinda freaked my shit out.

2009 – SSD & I “tried once more” to make whatever into something else. It was apparent, “whatever” was over after that night. But we had a wonderful weekend. It was bittersweet. Again, three years to move past something “casual.”

2008 – Yeahhhh. 10SB. He was a dick. I was CRYING uncontrollably mere days after Valentine’s Day — like, having a nervous breakdown crying. I was so obviously bored and unhappy. I suppose I had to go through that to get where I am now. Come to find out, weeks after aforesaid Piss Fest (during his infamous “kitchen sink breakdown” while on vacation in Europe), he concluded his general pissy-ness stewed because I “didn’t get him anything for Valentine’s Day.” I was nicely gifted a pair of slippers and, I think, a box of chocolates, even after expressing apathy at the holiday. And then, he cried.

*eye roll*

But it’s all good — because this week in 2008, Penis Tuesday started. Hooray, Penis!

2007 - I went to Cinci to spend V-Day with SSD (was the weekend of/before when everyone WAS celebrating). It was cute. I think we went to the Cheescake Factory for dinner, maybe a comedy show at Go Bananas! and then to a fun dive bar next door with a cover band. All the weekend trips to Cinci fade together… I have no blogging to prove it otherwise. The actual DAY of Valentine’s Day I was snowed in from my awesome condo maintenance crew plowing all the mounds so close to the garage doors I couldn’t open said garage and GET OUT and go to my internship that day.

2006 – Cleveland Magazine’s Crush Party at View (Single #69!!!). Oh, and the dress shop called to tell me that my wedding dress was in. Only, I am no longer engaged to be married. I’m sure some drinks were had that evening. I never returned the called to the dress shop.

SSD came into Cleveland for our “first date” since meeting on New Year’s Eve. I was also a couple dates in on dating 10SB the FIRST time around (I eventually canceled Date #4). Man, some times I need to pay attention to my former self. AND I was pining over a steamy telephone relationship with Philly Steak. No, “steamy” does not mean “phone sex.”

What a hussy!

2005 – I was featured in the singles issue of Cleveland Magazine. That was FIVE freaking years ago?! Geesh. Will someone tell my family? Anyway… I recently moved back from Phoenix, and I was trying to make things work with “Clay” (the older guy). I vaguely remember him going out of town the day after an unfortunate condom incident, and me having to take Plan B. Alone. Happy fucking Valentine’s Day.

2004 – I was living with The Fiancee (although not yet engaged). Yet, a couple weeks later I went to a Speed Dating Adventure with a friend of mine. Well, if that’s not a recipe for disaster and foreshadowing for the end of that.

Note: WAYBACK MACHINE is the GREATEST! BTW, you need to scroll all the way down to read monthly posts. I need to spend time copy/pasting all these posts so I have them archived here.

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