So long… and thanks for all the sex. | Life, Liberty & Pursuit Of Your Boyfriend

I can’t really comprehend as to when I officially became “un-girlfriend-ated” (again), but the death was slow and actually not particularly painful. I’ll admit, the first twist of the knife knocked the wind out of me for… eh, a moment. The remainder was pretty uneventful: a rude email here, a snappy text message there, throw in a vacation-provoked trust-a-thon, then a bit of tension for two weeks, then (of course) the never-ending cowardice of avoidance… ah, then all was quiet. (I had my pillows back! Sweet! Sidenote: If you are a true friend, you know my business with my personal pillows). And I have come to peace and quiet in my day for I am no longer bitching to my friend throughout our nightly Metroparks’ walks how “he didn’t call me AGAIN!” Who knows, I could actually STILL be in a relationship, but apparently will be the last to have notice I could move to Denver and he’d be all like, “How was your week? Wanna do a movie?”

I suppose the strangest event for me was introducing him to the family. I haven’t brought a guy “home’ to meet my parent(s) for almost 5 years (I’m sure they were beginning to accept my impending lesbianism). The event was seamless and perfect and… phew, I actually exhaled for a moment. UNTIL I spent a weekend with his family (vacation-style) and all-the-sudden I became this overly-anxious, passive (puke!), insecure idiot — thankfully, only the first day. The next I spilled food all over myself in such a dorky-high-schooler sort-of-way, you just couldn’t HELP but love me. But, love me, I guess he did not. Good background story on this one though: we actually went on a date when I was 19 and “on a break” with my HSS. Stayed friends and only took 12 years for us to have a real relationship. Wow, is was nice to finally have one of those. But, move on, we do…

So, anyways. I learned a few things in my most-recent… ah, the word escapes me — YES! boyfriend. Here is my most recent WANTED list:

WANTED: Man. Capital “M” for: Alpha Male – Aggressive, Adventurous, Horny and Random. Will not question my motives for wanting to skip family on Christmas to seclude ourselves in the snowy caps of Montana with snow mobiles and bear-skin rugs (We’ll see them at Thanksgiving). Argues infinitely that Saturday morning breakfast jumping from a plane is a SUPER-fantastic idea! S’mores and sparklers roll off the tongue as if part of a camping-as-a-second-language class. Will INSIST on making fun of me when I try to: a) climb a mountain; b) play Tetris until I succumb to the perils of Level 28; c) make an awful omelet for breakfast — and it will have extra cheese; d) teach that asshole the fabulous sign language interpretation of “thank-you-for-driving-under-60;” e) my word-for-word re-enactment of “Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure” or sadly, “Big Top Pee-Wee.” Tears my clothes off at the door because, let’s face it, the pizza guy won’t be here for 40 minutes.

Reading: Same two books as last time (I’ve been busy)

iPJHiser-ing: “Tonight” by Kate Walsh, “Engwish Bwudd” by Man Man (You KNOW I’m going to see them at Lime Spider Friday night!!) and shit-load of Bob Seger for some reason. What is WITH you, PJ?

To do-ing: Salivating over dinner plans at Nuevo Alcapulco with the girls, Karaoke night at Champps in Crocker Park, giving much props to Fausto and missing my Dellucci, studying for the Ohio Licensing Exam (blah, right) and buying a ticket to Colorado for Labor Day weekend.