For me, roller derby has been this cycle of wishing I could do something, saying “I can’t do that”… then being able to do that very thing and remarking on all the skills I’ve awesomely acquired over the last one/three/six months. I’m at that point in my training where I “picked off where I left off” — meaning, what I was learning in Cleveland before I moved is what I am currently doing in my Fresh Meat program in Pittsburgh.
And disappointedly (and frustratingly), I don’t feel as awesome of a skater as I did ten months ago. I still push myself as hard as I can every practice, but for the first time (in quite a while), I received feedback that wasn’t so good. Mostly, in reference to my whips. Yes, I “get” that most Meats have trouble with this; but for me, it was devastating, since I thought I was actually OK at giving them. I know that I’m not the biggest or strongest girl in the league, and I will always be at a disadvantage because of my size in THAT capacity. I’m trying, but it’s incredibly difficult for me to adjust to how differently everyone grabs/touches/lets go and for me to throw someone (especially on the inside). So, being naturally pro-active about this disadvantage (instead of sulking about it… or worse, crying), I’m now I’m on a super-motivated training regimen of excessive heavy lifting to attempt to gain more strength before our contact skills testing at the end of the month.
Which is in ONE WEEK.
I can always be stronger, even if I didn’t really want to “bulk up.” Two weeks ago though, I couldn’t life a ten-pound dumbbell. True story. I mean, I’m sure I’ll look back and think, “Remember when I couldn’t give a whip for shit?” and laugh about it (while I’m hopefully crunching 20-pound weights). But right now, I’m… well, freaking out.
This past week, our Fresh Meat class “performed” during halftime at Steel City’s public scrimmage. I was incredibly disappointed with my “performance” as my nerves really got the best of me (no more of that!). I took myself out of bounds NOT “running from a hit”… *sigh* I wasn’t even on the track for 10 seconds.
Also, last weekend, I skated in the Pride Parade with Steel City. THAT was so very, very awesome — especially seeing/hearing how our fans freakin’ love roller derby. Heart.
In the meantime, I’m going on a road trip this weekend to ECDX (East Coast Championships) in Philly with some fellow Meaties. Super excited to see some amazing derby action for three days and maybe catch up with some of my former league-mates.