Self-made Hoochie Research

For investigative purposes, I had to delve into the psyche of modern-day hoochbags. What better way to start than to search my personal photo files to see if I was also an early-20-something hoochie (NSFW!!). Research concluded… I was.

Ladies and Germs, I give you Hoochie Exhibit “A” (Sorry, they’re all in pdf, as we did not have digital cameras in our early 20s and my Photoshop program is crap).

This was taken circa age 21 in a hotel somewhere in Tampa. This doesn’t look so hoochie, but the photos taken later that evening at Pleasure Island in Orlando, promoted that “I forgot I was wearing a dress” feeling.

Exhibit “B”

This was taken during the Millenium New Year’s Celebration at The Velvet Dog — prime location for today’s selective hoochie. This, I’m sure, was an outfit from Rave (maybe Gadzooks). Nice open-back top (with ties keeping it together) and clear stacked heels from Steve Madden. Holy New Year’s Hoochie! And yes, that was some guy that I was dating at the time. *shudder* Apparently I misplaced my party glasses…

Exhibit “C”

Look at me on the left. I didn’t even develop REAL breasts until my 30s, but I certainly tried everything to mash-and-press-’em up to no good. I’m surprised my areolas weren’t hanging out! The dark tan and platinum hair definitely upped the ante in this Super Hoochie style.

Exhibit “D”

I certainly out-did myself on this night out in Myrtle Beach! I’m practically wearing a bandanna around my breasts (again, with two straps keeping it on in back). Good thing my skirt went to my knees, I suppose because you can’t have too much hoochie. I think because of my dangerous tan that I actually look OLDER here than I do now. Interesting, young hoochies… interesting.

Exhibit “E”

This is the creme de la creme of Hoochie Whore-mania! Can you believe I was with my family in the Carolinas when this hot pink number was worn? Certainly there is no bra strap in sight and the dress was a light rubber material. Yes, rubber. The ultimate in hoochie wear! And hot pink. I seemingly wore a lot of pink in my early years (ew), yet I can’t stand to wear it these days.

What I do not know, is if this makes me now very, very prude (doubtful), or old. Please don’t pick old. Perhaps I have developed more of a “mother” gene that keeps me aware of young hoochie girls, thereby  enhancing my need to protect them? But for what it’s worth, ladies… show it while you got it. Because one day, you might be embarrassed that all you cared about was being hot.

Sidenote: Also looking in these photo albums/boxes, I saw the caliber of men of whom I was attracting attention. Either my tastes have changed significantly, or I also dated douchebags.

Are/were you a hoochie?

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