I spent majority of my weekend in bed with whatever-the-hell-it-is flu thing that has been moving from person to person. This morning, while my fever has recovered, I’m still feeling the bit of aches especially in my neck and middle back. It may or may not have to do with spending 85.3% of my Friday-to-Sunday night in bed, but I digress. I was sick, but mostly (ironically?) productive. It’s like that when you are single and live alone. Far be it for me to call my mother for Chicken Noodle soup and just to take care of her 31-year-old oldest daughter because of her 102 degree fever. You still have to take care of yourself — AND house and home. I left my front door only for the laundry room across the hall. My body was miserable, but I wasn’t especially. I slept. A lot. And with that, had dreams. Fantastical dreamy dreams. Actually… shitty dreams.
My mood swing all started with a flurry of Twitter activity about Girl Scout cookies.
I ordered a few boxes at Christmas. Well, HG actually ordered a few for me from one of his little cousins. Needless to say, I will not be receiving my Boxes of Holy Heaven Goodness this year. Yes, I know I could go to the mall or Giant Evil and pick up a box or two. But now it lies in principle. There will be no Girl Scout cookies. There will be no HG, for that matter.
It more than upset me. It really pissed on me. And not in a warm, refreshingly kinky manner. And hence, my crappy mood perpetuated once again.
With that, folks, I’m stepping away. I’m burned out. I need a new direction. I need to decompose my thoughts, feelings, emotions, and just take a break away from it all. Obviously, I’ve already been writing less. Work is partly the cause. Then life, second. But I suppose I’ve been enjoying more of what life has been bringing me, rather than writing about it. So, while I could make the unrealistic assumption that I would be able to give up all social media for 6 weeks (right?), I’ve decided instead to give up my blog for Lent.
I’m not sure how I’ll continue after my hiatus either. I’m partly hoping that my planned trips and vacations within the next few months will provoke interesting stories or allow me to feel something of a reprieve of obligation. I just feel as though I’ve written all I can. And there are hundreds (thousands?) of others just like me in the Blogosphere. Perhaps it’s time to take my creativity to other outlets. Maybe even other blogs. But for this moment I am just exhausted with writing any longer about my breakups and subsequent exes. I have also lost any and all desire to even date. It’s as though there is too much pain this time do it all over again.
This last breakup hit me harder than I first thought. I mean my past relationships have come-and-gone for each their own reasons: failing disinterest, cheating, boredom… and yes, even “space.” But this is the first time maybe since my early 20s they I feel completely hosed. I mean, I’m almost 32. And I completely fell into someone who wasn’t really who he said he was. And it really, really bothers me. Still. I may as well be dating in my early 20s if I wanted to deal with that kind of bullshit again. And since we cannot erase time or age, I’d rather erase my entire blog (hopefully I won’t). I am no longer in my 20s. And this shit is getting really old.
I’ve spent many years building a fantastic reader base. And for that, I’m grateful (especially to Cleveland Magazine, who has exceeded their “perverse addictions” in their love of both me and my little blog). I will never be able to comprehend how my life became so interesting to so many people.
So for now, let’s see where the next 40 days brings us, eh? I realize I have a couple more days until the Lenten spirit is upon us, and I haven’t decided if I’ll post anything before then. I mean, maybe I have one more Penis Tuesday under my belt. And before anyone goes all psychotically religious on me, I am reminded that God loves me as who I am — even if my Catholic Church does not accept me. Yet, I still practice Catholicism. And I am way overdue for Confession. And much in the manner of difficult relationships, I’m still hoping that they change.
I have found the paradox that if I love until it hurts, then there is no hurt, but only more love. - Mother Teresa
Related posts:
- I dream about cookies. Crumbly bits. Eternally* I will wonder if there were truly cookie crumbs...
- Top Posts of 2009 Ah, the memories… Enjoy these 10 “Best of…” posts from...
- The spirit of giving (and not just presents) The last two nights have been wonderfully good-hearted and spirited....
Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.
February 23rd, 2009 at 11:54 am
Don’t give up on us for Lent… Lent isn’t about giving up, but rather doing something positive. Don’t bother with the fish on Friday gig either, the catholic church owned almost all the fisheries in the old days and they needed a way to drive sales (used to have to eat fish throughout lent).
So do something that helps someone, don’t give something up. Do you think God would want sacrifice or people helping each other?
Also, wondering that maybe you are upset with yourself for even getting into the relationship… that you were too optimistic. Now realizing that being blind to someones issues is awesome when things work out great, but when they don’t you just get mad at yourself. You knew there was an issue, but you did not address it.
So don’t burn out on us, you are a great distraction from our lives. Plus when you have the gift of wit, its a sin not to share it.
February 23rd, 2009 at 12:15 pm
I am very disheartened at your decision. While I understand and empathize for you, I think you are forgetting one crucial relationship that you DO still have. That is the relationship your readers have with you. Those of us who come to check in on you to see how you are doing, What you are doing for fun, or for charity, or for entertainment. Those of us who are not fortunate enough to be part of that lifestyle or privilege, mostly because we are old and married, but I digress…..
I respect your decision and while most of the above paragraph was in jest, I really, really wish you the best with whatever you choose to do. I will miss reading about your hip happenings and sometimes heartbreaking break-ups. Best wishes.
Brian
February 24th, 2009 at 3:58 am
[...] Mel from Life, Liberty, and Pursuit of Your Boyfriend. Yesterday was a busy day in Mel-Land - Mel announced that her blog is going on hiatus. Boo! Hiss! Boo! I guess I’ll have to keep in touch with her [...]
February 24th, 2009 at 7:30 am
Dude…you can’t go and mess up my morning routine (coffee, oatmeal, Mel, Tanya, cleveland.com) without so much as a consult! Do you know how old, set-in-their-way people respond to change?!? AAAAAHHHH!
In reality, you’re awesome with or without the blog. So do what feels best. As long as that doesn’t mean you’re leaving me for JC
February 24th, 2009 at 10:50 am
I will make this simple. I read your blog at work. It is a great break to my super serious work life as I sit in my office and eat lunch. Now what?!?! Ugh.
I, like the others, respect your decision. I hope you come back in full force.
February 25th, 2009 at 9:06 am
I mean, who doesn’t love a Penis Tuesday or two?
February 25th, 2009 at 11:12 am
I will miss your updates. Thanks to Matt at ATV I found your blog and have enjoyed random reads.
Good luck on your quest but do not throw in the towel. It would not be fair to all your readers names Brian.
If you crack and sneak off into a closet with your laptop to throw-up a post I will secretly read it and not tell anyone…
Hope things work out for you.
February 25th, 2009 at 3:11 pm
You’ll be missed. . .but lucky for me/us, we get to see you in person here and there
Speaking of which, see you tonight! xo*
February 25th, 2009 at 10:49 pm
Oh sad, Mel. I haven’t been reading for very long, so I feel like it’s too early to say goodbye!
I can *maybe* comprehend giving up a blog for Lent, but giving up ALL social media?! Shit. That’s a big pill to swallow.
But seriously, I can only imagine how old it’s getting to keep talking about lame dudes and tough break-ups. Hard for the soul, I imagine. Just remember - you can always reinvent your blog to be just about you, cooking, reading, restaurants, daily thoughts, or whatever suits your fancy - and leave the men out of it. Something tells me that your fan base would still stick around. Good luck!
February 26th, 2009 at 12:19 pm
Good luck no matter what you decide doing with the blog,
Though I enjoy reading and hope you continue, other things are obviously more important in life.
February 26th, 2009 at 4:31 pm
Aw, Mel. While I hate to see you go, I completely understand. When you get socked in the gut like that, you do need ample time/space/clarity to recover. Blogging can get tedious, especially when your writing about the thing that’s making you sick.
I am glad to still see you on Twitter.
March 6th, 2009 at 1:29 pm
Hey - good luck! I can realate to needing time off to change direction. Just enjoy yourself…whatever you do
March 8th, 2009 at 9:18 pm
Even if you step away from blogging, you can’t leave behind your gift for great, perceptive and witty writing. Have always enjoyed reading. I hope you get through the winter slump feeling rejuvenated come spring.