Life, Liberty & Pursuit Of Your Boyfriend

Today’s guest post is from my dear, dear friend, Kent Smith. Sir Smith is here today to rave about Cleveland’s own Burning River Roller Girls. I swear to you, I will grow a set of balls this year to actually try out next season.

I even have two potential nicknames selected — obviously not family friendly… so I might have to change ‘em. Although I still love the name Pat McRotch. I may or may not have had a bumper sticker on one of my first cars that read that. Just sayin’.

Burgers or burritos when I get home, Kent, ‘kay?

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First of all, I am honored to supply some content to the Pursuit of Your Boyfriend blog. In keeping with the theme of strong, independent women, I would like to provide an update and overview of the meanest ladies on skates, Cleveland’s own Burning River Roller Girls. In the spirit of full disclosure, I must state that I am one of two derby announcers for the team.

After building its fan base the past three years, the Burning River Roller Girls are about to go big time. On March 13, 2010, the four BRRG league teams will launch Season Four at the Wolstein Center on the campus of Cleveland State University. This blog will attempt to do three things: 1. provide an overview of Roller Derby in America; 2. re-create the BRRG history and finally; 3. I will stoke the subplots for Year Four.

Roller Derby in America

There are 78 American and Canadian cities that have sanctioned and ranked Roller Derby teams. The parent organization of Roller Derby is the Woman’s Flat Track Derby Association. More teams are being added every month. Every Fall, The WFTDA sponsors a four-region, national tournament that results in an overall champion. In concept, it is similar to the NCAA college basketball tournaments. Each of the four regions invites its top ten teams to determine its top three qualifiers for the Championship Tournament. That Championship Tourney (held last year in Philadelphia) takes those 12 qualifying teams from the Regions and eventually crowns an overall champion.

For the first time ever, Cleveland’s Burning River All-Star team qualified as the 10^th ranked team in the North Central WFTDA Region. So last September, they traveled to St. Paul, Minnesota for a weekend of derby action and they left the 8^th ranked team in the region. Not bad at all for a team that was in their first WFTDA tourney.

Roller Derby in Cleveland

Cleveland has four league teams (The Cleveland Steamers, The Hard Knockers, The Hellbombers & The Rolling Pin-Ups) and two travel teams (The Burning River All-Stars and The Hazmat Crew). The travel teams are made up of skaters from the four league teams and they … well … travel to play derby teams in other cities. Whereas the league teams play each other and eventually one of the four BRRG League teams wins the Hazard Cup. League play (between the four league teams) begins in March and concludes with the Championship Bout in July.

The three-time defending champion league team are The Hellbombers. The Hellbombers have not lost since 2007. In the first league championship in 2007, they rallied to beat the then undefeated Hard Knockers. In 2008, the Hellbombers successfully defended their crown again against the Hard Knockers. In 2009, the Hellbombers three-peated but this time the team they defeated were the Cleveland Steamers. The Steamers had been the leagues last place team in the first two seasons so their appearance in the Championship Bout was a testimony to their collective hard work and dedication.

What’s Ahead for Season Four of the Burning River Roller Girls?

First a quick description, then the teams – then the venue. For those have you that have not seen Roller Derby let me provide a quick explanation. There are five skaters on the track per team. Teams score points when one skater (called a Jammer) passes members of the opposing team. The other four skaters (called Blockers) are playing offense and defense at the same time. The Blockers are trying to get their Jammer through the pack while they try to stop the opposing team’s Jammer. All while everyone skates counter-clockwise and tries to knock the crap out of members of the opposing team.

The biggest question is can the Hellbombers be stopped? Like Baseball – if your team has 4 very strong starting Pitchers – you will have a good chance to win most games. The Hellbombers return four very strong, veteran Jammers. The other League teams can often field two, maybe three, strong Jammers but the Hellbombers often wear out opponents due to their depth at the point scoring position. The Hellbombers will most likely be able to make a return visit to the BRRG League Championship Bout.

The real question is who will meet the Hellbombers in the Championship Bout? Will the Hard Knockers return to 2007, 2008 form? Will the Cleveland Steamers continue their development and take the Hellbomber crown? Or will the Rolling Pin-Ups, who have only played in the conciliation bout, finally be able to turn the corner?

My prediction: the Pin-Ups turn the corner in 2010 and will challenge the Hellbombers. Why? The Rolling Pin-Ups have a collection of veteran Blockers and, with the strength of their 2010 rookie class, they can finally go four deep at the Jammer position. As their rookie class gains experience, they will probably peak towards the end of Season Four.

But the most exciting news of the 2010 season could be that the BRRG teams will be playing at the Wolstein Center on the Cleveland State University campus. After playing seasons 1 and 2 in North Ridgeville and Season 3 in Euclid, the BRRGs now have a Downtown home as they get to lace up their skates inside Cleveland’s second largest indoor sports arena. And you should be there.

The first bout is on March 13, 2010. Doors open at 5PM; the first bout starts at 6PM. Every bout is a double-header as all four league teams will play each night. Advance sale tickets only $12 a bout and are available at Ticketmaster or at the Wolstein box office. Season ticket packages will get you all five league bouts for the cost of four. For more info see their website which is www.burningriverrollergirls.com

I will see you at the Wolstein Center in the Spring.

Kent Smith is the co-author of “Please God Save Us” and one of two announcers for the Burning River Roller Girls.

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