Performancing Metrics


{pursuit of} excitement


The boyfriend made a comment on our way home from our regular Thursday night shenanigans in the South Side:

I wish I could be like that again.

The “that” I thought he was referring to was the guy picking up a random street hooker girl in a short sequin skirt from outside the bar. THE HELL, BOYFRIEND?!

What he meant was the carefree lifestyle, college-aged something, partying it up, no cares or responsibilities in the world. Ahem. Thursdays have always been my favorite night to go out and whoop it up too.

This beer was a lot more exciting before we had to spend $5,000 on new countertops. {as seen in this very picture!}

But we have responsibilities now. Probably too many. And we live and budget too much by what’s going on under the roof of our house (or, dripping through the roof, as it were). I can’t tell you how many times I want to escape for the weekend to some unknown, adventurous place… and, thankfully, I still can achieve that via my derby travels.

As a couple, however, there is little excitement. UNLESS YOU CALL PICKING OUT SUBWAY TILE ON A FRIDAY NIGHT EXCITING. Life as an adult is boring-as-shit because of those “adult” things we’re supposed to do and “adult” ways we’re supposed to act. Never mind the NINE PM BEDTIME all these “adult” decisions bring. Ew, that last one is ALL boyfriend.

And as new homeowners and parents of three of the cutest little furbabies and being on different sleep schedules and opposite travel plans, we. are. in. a. rut. I resent that all of our plans circumvent house decisions. I resent that our budget is restrained to what we need to fix or update or stop from leaking or OMG KILL ALL OF THESE CARPENTER ANTS, PLEASE! By extension, of course, I resent the boyfriend for being a total fun killer. AND NOT KILLING ALL OF THE ANTS. I’ve been in relationship ruts before (both with and without him), and I know we’ll get over the hump together. But some days it’s annoyingly difficult to put forth the effort with what feels like little return in excitement in the near future.

I feel stifled, unstimulated, unattractive, unchallenged and irrationally (excusably?) bitchy.


How did YOU get out of your relationship ruts?

  • The Modern Gal

    I wish I had suggestions, but all I’ve got is the ability to commiserate. I don’t know that I’m in a relationship rut per se, but I have found that since shacking up I have so much less money. I make more than double what the husband makes (fuck the people who think it’s OK to pay teachers in peanuts), so my salary goes to supplementing his life. I don’t (fully) mind because I love him more than anything, and I know sacrifice in marriage is inevitable. But I miss being able to buy whatever clothes I wanted however frequently I wanted to purchase them. I’m at an age where I expected to be traveling more, and technically I could afford it if I were single. I actually want to spend more money fixing up our house, but again …

    I suppose the silver lining is I’m becoming less selfish. And I really do want to share what I’ve got with my husband. But damnit, it can be hard sometimes when I have to turn down that trip to Italy because we can’t afford it, knowing that I could afford it on my own.

    • Mel

      Rut certainly feels like a harsh word a few days past writing this, but it’s… something depressing.

      I can semi-relate to your story — while I’m the furthest thing from the breadwinner in this household, I ALWAYS budgeted for adventures. ALWAYS. But I can’t make those decisions alone anymore. Why this bothers me NOW, three years later, is still to be determined. *sigh*

      Yeah, life lesson or something.

  • Fox

    A rut is actually how we got started on the 101 Achievements blog. We were tired of having booze & watching sports every night (well, tired of *only* doing those things), so we decided to come up with a better plan.

    I think having a ‘yearly bucket list’ really helps, because on nights where we might otherwise just go crazy with boredom, we’ve got options, and we feel pressed to get up and out and do things because we have the blog, and don’t want to let our (theoretically-existent) readers down.

    I also totally have this dream of having wine tasting parties at our house for our other child-free couple friends (which, we really don’t have any of, so that’s a big part of why this dream isn’t working so far haha). I’ve been to enough wine tastings in my life to know how to put one together, and I think it would be awesome to get other couples together to hang out at our place and drink wine together.

    Of course, I plan to start planning one of those… once the back patio is re-done. So, TL;DR: I totally get everything you’re talking about in this post lol.

    • Mel

      We’ve definitely decided to make the relationship a bigger priority, so we can agree on that. I love the idea of a Bucket List – and wish he was more interested in more of similar things.

      re: wine party >> we went to one a few weekends ago – it was a brown bag wine party and SO. MUCH. FUN. Also, I love wine… so, *ahem* ;)

  • ClevelandPoet

    pretend to be daddy warbucks making moves on a now grown up annie.

    *note: she does not actually enjoy this but the resulting gross out from my sexual innuendos keeps us entertained.

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