Every now and and again, I receive an e-mail requesting advice. While experienced in dishing good advice to others, I rarely listen to my own Rules of Bullshit. Today, I turn to my readers for their suggestions to Relationship FAIL. Please leave a snip of advice in the comments. I’ll give my thoughts tomorrow. You know what else FAILS? Grammar class.
hello ,
i am currently dating this guy who instantly said he fell in love with me the first time we meet . we have been dating for 3 months but he still doesn’t have a job and is a 28 year old man living in kis mothers basement . he promises that he wants a future with me and wants to move to australia with me but he shows no action . in essence he is all talk no show . in addition he is so fucking emotional its munipitulative , and he’s constantly in a philisolophical state where he always ask questions but never any answers . he once stared at a sweat ring from his ice water and said he found the secrects to the universe . and he will say harsh emotional things like he doesnt trust me as much anymore for no apparent reason and yet hes laying on the bathroom floor crying his eyes out because of this — which makes me feel cold hearted becasue i dont cry . i just dont let people get to me like he does. in truth i have experince a lot more hardship than he can understand i wanted him to be as strong as he says he will be but he doesnt want it. and if i break up with him i pretty much lose my freindship with my other best friend as her husband is his bestfreind . what do i do - i do love him but deep down i know that he really doesn’t understand the true deepths of love only the fantsy.
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January 21st, 2009 at 11:43 am
This is an awesome read! Sometimes I miss the tumult of my 20s… then I read something like this.
The one-word answer is “RUN!”
Two important things the author should understand
(1) This guy does not have his schnitt together. Can’t find/hold down a job, lives at home, emotionally abusive — any one might be tolerable for a small window of time. Together it paints a picture of someone who needs to be fixed, but
(2) You can’t fix this guy. And odds are he can’t fix himself while someone is tolerating his BS.
He’s lost. In a few years when he does get his schnitt together he’ll look back and wonder what his deal was… you might wonder why you couldn’t hang around cuz he’s pretty awesome now. But the only way he’s going to get on is by his own hard work. And there’s always the chance he doesn’t do the work, and boy you don’t wanna be around for a guy like this in his mid-thirties.
January 21st, 2009 at 12:54 pm
Yeah, I dated that guy. For two miserable years. He won’t change himself until he has sunk to the lowest of low and there isn’t anyone he can blame/abuse. Trust me, please. I finally left my guy like this because he lost it one night after crying on the bathroom floor (honest) and then tried to hit me in the face - to which I gave him two black eyes.
Anyway - He picked himself off the “I’m so misunderstood and have pity on me” floor and now has his own very lucrative business and just bought himself a house - no joke like 15 minutes from me. I wondered if I could stick it out with him now that his “schnitt” is together. I decided no. I don’t deserve to put myself through that again. I deserve better than his crap that will ALWAYS be there.
And this girl does too. But she’ll probably have to learn the hard way - like most of us do.
Good luck babe - bloggerland is here for you if you need us!!
January 21st, 2009 at 2:38 pm
Wow. . .
I know it probably seems incredibly difficult to break-up and leave this guy — but, at the same time, I can only imagine how much harder it is to actually stay with him.
With this in mind, I can say with complete confidence that you will feel the weight of the world lifted from your shoulders when (hopefully) you cut ties.
Good Luck and Be Strong*
January 21st, 2009 at 3:15 pm
I was struck by the fact that the only positive thing the writer had to say about this guy is that he’s a link to her best friend. She didn’t say ONE OTHER positive thing about him. I say cut your losses, sweets. If your friend is that close to you, she’ll understand (and get her hubby to understand) that some things just don’t work out. Plus, it’s only been three months. Your friend and her hubby can’t be THAT upset over a three month relationship.
January 21st, 2009 at 3:20 pm
I had no idea my ex-girlfriend read this blog. Seriously, babe, I’m sorry, but you PROMISED you wouldn’t talk shit about my bathroom-floor-crying jag.
Seriously, though, Kelly and Russ are right. Your first obligation is to yourself, and you aren’t going to benefit in any way from continuing this relationship. Moreover, as Russ points out, until homeboy loses something (i.e., you), he will never have the incentive to get his act together. And that has to come from within. If you fix him, which couldn’t possibly happen, you’ll spend the indefinite future keeping him together. He has to do that himself, and by himself.
Good luck!
January 21st, 2009 at 5:49 pm
Get out, get out, get out. I’m a firm believer that relationships aren’t supposed to be that hard. When you find the person you’re meant to be with - this kinda weird crap doesn’t happen.
Or am I just delusional?
January 21st, 2009 at 5:59 pm
It’s unanimous so far. She should run away!
This dude may be 28 physically, but he sounds like an ignored 12 year-old mentally and emotionally.
Assuming the writer is similarly aged, that’s way too much ground to make up in too little time.
January 21st, 2009 at 9:59 pm
Sounds like someone is in need of a lifestyle enema and a lesson in 3rd grade grammar and punctuation. Funny read though….
January 21st, 2009 at 10:45 pm
Yeah, that guy does not sound like he’s your type at all. And having just gotten out of a relationship that was mostly talk with little action, I can say with sincerity — it’s much better being out of it than having to deal with the constant letdown.
January 26th, 2009 at 7:54 am
What do you DO? If you even have to ask that question, then I think the first thing you do is fix YOURSELF for dating such a guy, and I use the term “guy” very lightly because he sounds more like a bitch to me. Ick! Ever wonder why he still lives at home? Run. Run far, far away and NOW.