PT: If you’re friends with pee, then you’re friends with me.

Coming to you from a new location! It’s no coincidence that Pittsburgh and penis begin with the same letter. It’s all in my master plan, people. Today’s Penis Tuesday is brought to you by the letter “P.”

So, while I got you here, I want to know: do you remember the first time you saw a penis?

Obviously, for men, you have seen your penis since your eyes first opened and you fire-hosed in your dad’s face, but you certainly remember seeing someone ELSE’S penis for the first time. I remember my first boobs, even — a cute African American girl. In the shower. IN SIXTH GRADE. I was at camp and already a pervert. I mean, my Barbies were having sex since the 70s. You cut your doll hair? I drew pubic hair on them.

Fine. Tell me about your first boobs.

Which leads me back to my first male package around the ages of 7-8. I mean, not MINE, but… moving on. This situation was also my first “three-way.” See? It starts early — there is a root! There was this neighborhood kid that was my friend — his name was Joe and shared his name with a certain corrupt, local Cleveland politician — and I would steal strawberries out of his family garden (not that is NOT a euphemism). We were all in the upstairs bathroom of my childhood home and wanted to pee together. The third member (heh) was my neighbor from across the street (Female. I don’t do MFM). I do not remember seeing either of her private parts. But that happens a lot with threesomes. You get drunk, one person is more preoccupied than the next…

And the three of us used the toilet to see how one another peed. I’m even trying to visualize this now, to figure the logistics of ass to toilet seat ratio if we all went at the same time. But it was separate, and I was fascinated with learning how to pee standing up for quite some time. Ahem. He also let me touch it. But I’m fairly certain I just poked it much in the manner if you had a stick and found a dead animal in the woods.

Thus, leading to my lifelong fascination with the private parts of man the world over.

It’s a dirty hobby, but somebody’s got to do it.

No related posts.

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.