{penis tuesday} guest dick: penises are deceiving

A penile treat for you today, PT readers. A post from a special guest about a special variety of penis. True story: I still haven’t seen one in the wild.

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I’ve seen some penises in my life. Not an exorbitant amount, but enough to feel like I have a good gauge (heh) on the male species. You could say that I’ve experienced a rather large (and sometimes small) sampling. I can thank my college days, bartending days and hell, just plain’ ol slutty days for those.

But there was a time, when familiarity was not my strong point. And while my moves had been practiced, my experience was left to only one man. A post relationship breakup in junior year of college led me down that long, veiny road of adventures. It was here that I had my many firsts with male appendages.

It was almost 5 years ago to this day. September, 2007. I know this because it was just a few weeks after the Big Break-up… and because I was wearing new boots, but that’s not the point. Despite my cardinal rule of abstaining from guys at my school, I found myself lusting after an eclectic sophomore. Naturally, he resembled the ex, but was more fun and only marginally mysterious.

I was still learning how to flirt, a skill forgotten in the three years I spent as a girlfriend and was fairly awkward of how to go about moving from party mode to sexual mode. An easy transition for me now, but new to me at the time.

I stood on the porch of his apartment. I was trying to quell the growing vomit feeling that was lingering in the depths of my throat. He was sitting and watching me. As I leaned over the balcony, half hoping I would throw up and half hoping I wouldn’t. As I said, I didn’t know how to move from one stage to the next. Not without being overtly sexual at least. I was prepared to go all Adam & Eve on him.

But let’s not make a long story longer: I was excited for my first post break-up penis sighting. I wanted to know if they were similar, if they reacted the same. It was a life experiment.

I arrived to find that they were quite similar. I mean, it’s a penis!

But what makes this story special? Well. A week or so later, I hung out with a mutual friend, who knew about the hookup. He asked me how I liked his one-eyed monster. Strange question. He clarified, “you know, it may not be something you’re used to.” I cocked my head.

“He’s uncircumsized…”

I think that’s something I would have noticed. I always thought it was something I would. I mean, there were no ant eaters present that night. My friend insisted. Then followed up with, “I thought you would have noticed.”

RIGHT?!

And that’s the day I learned that circumsized penises are actually just like normal penises.

They’re just a little sneakier.