Performancing Metrics


{you smell like a girl} Perfume: Because smelling like soap is just boring

{you smell like a girl} Perfume: Because smelling like soap is just boring

I’m a whore (I know, duh!)… a PERFUME whore.

Ladies all have their shameless indulgences (mine happen to also include vintage coats and shoes). But there’s something indulgent about smelling pretty that puts my girly side into overdrive. When it comes to beauty products, fragrance is a small luxury that doesn’t cost much. I’ve acquired quite the collection over time (since a bottle can typically last me 3-5 years). Smelling like soap is boring — and dudes like their lady friends and bits to smell nice — but layering my scents during/after the shower doesn’t work for me because perfumed body washes and gels or anything anti-bacterial hijacks my moisture and terrorizes my skin cells. And never, ever put that stuff in your vag… you’ll get an infection, for serious.

I can’t wear scented lotion because of my eczema. So, screw you Bath & Body Works and your intolerable skin irritants.

I’ve been obsessed with fragrances since I first stepped into a Body Shop in my junior high school years. And they let me mix my own perfumed oil — if I so wanted — but I simply chose strawberry. And wore it for most of the 7th grade. It’s a wonder how I didn’t end up a hooker. My (sexual) preferences may have changed over the years, but the top choices in my collection are men: (now discontinued) Calvin Klein Truth and (not pictured, and empty… and possibly discontinued) Yves St Laurent Babydoll.

My oldest scent — and by that, I mean the one I’ve been wearing the longest… or is it because it’s an old lady scent? — is Fracas by Robert Piguet. I received a small bottle of it from my stepmother in a Christmas stocking. It oozes gardenia and is decidedly not an everyday scent — buut a special occasion perfume, for certain. If I wear enough of it, I can clear a room. Guess that means it is an old lady scent. No matter. OLD MEN LOVE ME TOO.

Sadly, I no longer have bottles of Lemon Baby Soft or Unforgettable by Revlon. I hearted those both in my younger days so hard.

I regularly wear Kenneth Cole Reaction (to be honest, I think this might be a male scent or unisex, but it smells neutral) and this LIV GRN C2C organic stuff (a sample that’s new to me and going through it quickly) because they are both incredibly light and clean smelling.

I tend to go more for green, spicy or  oriental blends, musky or woodsy scents, and only make exceptions for a few floral favorites. Very rarely will I pick something with a strong front note of fruit — citrusy, yes (I love grapefruit); fruity, no (who wants to smell like a god damn caramel apple?!). Which is totally opposite of where my love of perfume grew. I love the smell of Birthday Cake body wash, but I do NOT want to smell like it (I keep it in the shower, however, for a pick me up).

I’ve had the best… ahem, sexy time success with wearing LaVanilla and Dolce & Gabbana Light Blue.

Serious Mood Lifter: Happy by Clinique
Girls Night: Betsey Johnson
Black Tie: Coco Mademoiselle

SAMPLES! Yes, I keep those too.

The two newest bottles in my collection are Lolita Pacific Creation and Gucci by Gucci — both included in a Sephora box that I “won” in a silent auction at a recent charity event. I could not be happier with their inclusion in that gift. I match scents to my mood — or sometimes, to what I am wearing (I imagine that my clothes have feelings too… what? that’s not weird). And right now I am absolutely bathing in Yogini, a sample from my December Birchbox.

Perfume. I told you that I was obsessed.

Do you have a favorite scent? Does your partner like a certain scent on you?


{conversations with the boyfriend} what-a-burger?

{conversations with the boyfriend} what-a-burger?

Boyfriend: Would you be offended if I put your cheeseburger on an English muffin?
Me: Um… those are cinnamon-raisin English muffins.

Dammit. A Michael Symon Lola burger sounds SO GOOD, no?

I can’t think of a single burger that would use a cinnamon-raisin muffin as its bun though. DO YOU GOT ONE, INTERNET?


{awesome sauce} IT EXISTS!

{awesome sauce} IT EXISTS!

Someone on your shopping list need some extra AWESOME?

Or maybe, as the product description suggests, your peanut butter and jelly sandwich needs some AWESOME… Do what now? For serious:

You’ve used the expression; now put it in your mouth! Awesomesauce is 12 oz of delicious, spicy, garlicky sauce that will make most anything you make taste more awesome. What’s that, you say? You only make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches? Well, have you tried a peanut butter and awesome sandwich? Yeah. Chew on that.

I wish clients would let me write product descriptions like this.

*112% of your recommended daily dose of awesome.
I’m seriously considering making this my blog mantra.


{cooking for the boyfriend} the eggnog french toast incident

{cooking for the boyfriend} the eggnog french toast incident

I can’t tell you how pissed I was when I picked up a container of Dean’s eggnog and read “corn syrup” on the label. I used to make homemade eggnog (and have been advised against because of the potential issues with raw eggs). But I’m sure that simply pasteurizing a product does NOT mean adding CRAP “to make it taste better.” I make my best attempt to purchase grocery items that are as “real” and organic as/when possible. While I realize I cannot prevent this CRAP in everything, I feel that every little bit of concern helps. Yet, I remain hypocritical in my penchant for Honey Nut Cheerios (seriously, one of the worst and MOST sugary cereals on the market… ugh) and Moon Pies (is there anything NOT scientific on this label?).


I mean, have you read about the effects of high fructose corn syrup? Well, for one: IT’S MAKING YOU FAT. And the industry has coyly attempted to rename HFCS, corn sugar(s). I mean, we’re all adults here, you know high levels of sugar in your food is bad for you, right? RIGHT(s)?! It’s about balance. Consumer awareness. Sadly, three other containers in the dairy section had the same problem. WTF, Giant Eagle: on labels, you explicitly promote your chocolate milk as NOT having high fructose corn syrup — why not the eggnog?

And what the fuck were we talking about here? Oh yeah, MOTHER FUCKING EGGNOG FRENCH TOAST.
Thankfully, I found that Horizon Organic makes an eggnog. And then I realized that I probably COULD have made my own eggnog in this case, since I would be cooking the battered bread anyways. Gah!

The boyfriend and I both like our French toast to be made with white or Italian bread for some serious eggnog-dippy action, so I used that for our Sunday breakfast of champions.

2 eggs
2 1/2 cups of eggnog
1/2 T cinnamon
1/4 T pumpkin pie spice
(optional: rum flavoring)

REAL maple syrup and powdered sugar for topping (I’ve read about an apple-cranberry compote to complement the French toast, which I most definitely will make in the future)

Let’s Make Breakfast
Whisk everything in a bowl; dip bread; place on skillet, cooking each side until golden brown.

BREAKFAST IS SERVED! Else, it should be.

This is the part of the story where you should NOT follow my directions (and why you only get “before” pictures with this post). See, I’m still getting used to this gas stove and asked the boyfriend which pan and heat setting I should use — and I followed his recommendation, but I wanted to cook by myself. My first pair of toast stuck to the pan… which, typical. I intended to start over, but it happened JUST as the boyfriend entered the kitchen to “check in” on me.

THIS IS WHAT I HATE: he attempted to take over breakfast, instead of kindly helping by offering suggestions. He told me to use oil (on what I thought was a non-stick pan), which would have been nice to know beforehand, right? But because my mind was already “FUCK YOU! GET OUT! I CAN DO THIS” (as he grabbed the spatula from my hand), his typical laughter at my expense sent me into an emotional tailspin.

I would have tried again and eventually figured it out (with butter instead of oil… ew). But at that point, I was so indignant at his response — to my doing something nice — he was being completely and totally insensitive.

So, he made breakfast for himself. I grabbed a blueberry cereal bar and went skating. The end.


Where my alcoholics at: Serve with a little rum in your coffee. Or an entire bottle of rum, in my case.


{I want!} DIY Cheese Kit: NO CHEESE FOR YOU!

{I want!} DIY Cheese Kit: NO CHEESE FOR YOU!


I hope this means that one of you was SUPER, DUPER awesome & already bought a DIY Cheese Kit for me! Or is currently making me cheese from their recently-purchased DIY Cheese Kit.

See UrbanCheesecraft on etsy for more kits (currently sold out for the holidays *whomp*) and cheese-making accessories.

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