*blue balls not included.
The gift that keeps on… boning.
An “Evolution Store Classic,” the Boner Box contains a mounted (heh) set of four penis bones from Canis latrans, Mustela vison, Procyon lotor, Vulpes vulpes (also available separately). Sorry, male human species. Those “boners” you’ve been getting have nothing to do with actual Baculum. You’ll have to find another way to put your manhood on display.
{h/t @brightheaded via twitter}
Will the stars knock the vertical lines out of the stripes? Or, will the stripes knock the sparkle out of the stars?
Come to Romp n’Roll on Sunday, June 3 and find out!
Skaters from Steel City Roller Derby will split into Blue and Red teams for this exciting Sunday bout — it’s Stars vs. Stripes! Doors at 1:30pm; action starts at 2pm. Tickets will be available at the DOOR only: $5 Gen. Admission, $3 with Military ID; Kids under 10 are always free.
After the bout, stick around and join SCRD for a public skate session – skate rental is included in the price of admission!
See yinz there!
If there is anything that I’ve learned in my 35 years, it’s that swearing can be good for you. Making up swear words is probably better than weekly therapy sessions because it’s getting to the root of the problem — that ass-shit wankbastage driving on your bumper in the slow traffic lane when you’re already doing 10 over the posted mph, for instance — instantly, at the onset of frustration.
Because seriously, why build that shit up? Get those words and emotions and your fucking front end the fuck out of there! You’ll also be adding to your vocabulary.
I’m frustrated easily. I’m not particularly fond of being rushed, being spontaneous or being hungry (hangry best describes my hours between 3-6 pm). The non-spontaneity thing is new, by the way. I used to live my life by not planning anything… now, I plan months in advance because it’s just impossible to function otherwise. And during these moments, I accelerate from 0-to-complete bitch in less than 2 seconds. Ask my boyfriend about dinner last night. He can vouch for that episode.
Blame it on my blood sugar, yo.
So I probably cuss more than I “should” – you know, for whomever made that made-up rule about the correlation between swearing and a decreased IQ score. But in all the stupid things you hear – or experience, rather – is the person who is “too good to swear.” Who is this holier-than-Christdick figment of my imagination?
Because, mother fucker please: you know if you stub your toe, you ain’t yelling Gawd Dang that Dumb Step.
Swearing is good for the soul. It’s also good for conveying your emotion. And we all know that bottling up your emotions causes bad fucking things to happen to you (depression, weakness, fatigue, probably gout). A stream of profanity gets you immediate attention. Also, loudly screaming the word “FUCK!” is downright therapeutic.
{from Huffington Post via reddit}
the week:
We’ve begun the season of entertaining out-of-town guests at our new place; in the last month, we’ve welcomed: the boyfriend’s mom, my dad and his girlfriend… and this weekend, we’re taking the boyfriend’s dad around tahn. Mostly to do beer hunting and BBQ eating. When my dad visited, we took him on the touristy trail: inclines, Strip District, Allegheny Commons, North Side/Shore, etc. There’s really on so much you can do in an afternoon without wanting to jump off of Mount Washington in a fit of exhaustion.
Duquesne incline, for me, went something like: FREAKING DISASTER MULTI-PLEX IN 3-D WHILE INSIDE THE TRAIN. How people ride this rickety thing daily for public transportation, I have no idea. I’ve been atop Mount Washington before — the look-out point from atop the other incline, which I drove to the top of — but the view from the Duquesne point is remarkable.
I do love this city.
weekend:
Hey, hey, get your street partying on this Sunday from 5-11pm at Kayafest — the best outdoor festival in the Strip! Bands, pig roast, tropical drinkage, dancing in ze streets!
And OF COURSE this city would have a Pyro Festival. Seemingly an all-day line-up of events is planned for Saturday at Homewood Acres of the all-things-fireworks variety and the ‘Burghers who love them… and then the Sky will ‘Gasm.
seven things, seven days:
1. {nom} Klayvon’s gets a triple-nom salute with their butterscotch and marshmallow toppings available on their vanilla sundaes.
2. {happy} Doctor’s note: clear to skate non-contact! I’ll be back working on my endurance next week.
3. {workout} Currently in love with Pilates after my first session this week… more to come on that.
4. {sugar high} Maple candies and maple pancake mix from Grandma Z’s Maple Haus at the PPM (yum!)
5. {gardening} We’re on our 2nd attempt at growing our own veggies. Since I currently have a casted green thumb, I haven’t been able to do much of anything – especially so in the garden – so some of our attempts at vegetable gardening have suffered. And by that, I mean, the seeds must have suffocated underground. This time, we’re trying plants.
6. {pamper} Enjoyed an afternoon at the spa and got my first facial in, like, 5 years, Friday afternoon. My face desperately needs some help, and this was my first step in getting my skin under control. And yes, the service is every bit as indulgent and relaxing… I’m worth it.
7. {useful} Must have this Mercado produce bag. Will be especially useful for carrying veggies three blocks home from our community plot and for farmers market excursions.
This blog is about pursuit: a transplanted Clevelander (me) in a new city (that's you, Pittsburgh!), pursuing the role of a self-employed copywriter, becoming a roller derby badass and somehow merging all my to-do items into one ever-growing Bucket List.
And of MY boyfriend. His blue balls started this mess.
