Life, Liberty & Pursuit Of Your Boyfriend

Today is my date with 2Hot. (The more I type that acronym, the more it makes me cringe — I intend to have a new nickname after the date tonight). Upon the realization that I am severely overdue in completing my laundry, I now need to go out and buy a new top. Thankfully, my black bra is clean.

I have a few ideas on places to go after dinner: live music joints, awesome martini locales… being presumptuous, I suppose, that he intends to hang out with me after dinner. I’m also being picked up for a date for the first time in… geesh, it may be since I went out with that TV Personality — over two years ago. So, not only do I suffer the typical nerves and anxiety of “date night,” but I am utilizing my “no plans” Friday night and Saturday afternoon cleaning my condo, which probably needed to be done anyway. I cannot remember the last time I dusted my dining room table, let alone USED the fucking thing. I’m sure it was overdue that I spent a TGIF at home anyway, but I digress. Do I intend to use it tonight? Well, no, it’s a glass top and not very sturdy, but it remains one of those hapless projects that comes as part of living alone.

I remember having a relationship book suggested to me by a friend in a similar single frame of life. It was one of those shitty ploys to corral a man into marrying you in less than a year (I call complete bullshit on that theory). In that, were topics of conversation for a first set of dates with a man intended to play on his  emotional attachment to you, thereby hooking him to you at such a level, rendering him hopelessly, mentally attached for life… in just a mere year (I hear you puking). As such, you’re also not supposed to give it up for so long as you can (with)handle.

Few thoughts on that bullshit process: a) you expect me to believe that talking to a man about his toy bunny rabbit he clung to for the first 8 years of life and that provoked an extended period of bed-wetting is akin to him wanting to slap a diamond on my left ring finger… in less than a year? Bullshit. b) having unnatural flows in conversation are horrible to endure. If I find you fascinating or a particular aspect of your life interesting, I’ll chose my topics from there. Not break, and switch to talking about the most special memory with your best friend from sixth grade (unless it has SOME sort of point of reference as to who are are today). c) I may be feeling particularly frisky. I may choose to wait, I may choose “why-the-fuck-not?” Point being, regardless if you’re physically attracted to each other and sleep together on the first date or give him blue balls for sixteen weeks, you may never know if his intentions were strictly sexual or not. I’ve held out for months, only to have the asshole dump me right after that first time (dick). I slept with my fiancee on our  first date, and we were together inseparably for over four years (not a dick — ok, at least not until we broke up). While I’m not as sexually reckless as I was in my early 20s, I think early attraction is imperative. Too many times have I extended a dating scenario longer than usual “waiting for something to happen,” that, well, just never transpires to much of anything. It’s not that love at first sight bullshit, but that naughty expectation of I-can’t-wait-to-take-your-clothes-off. Sexual attraction is obviously not the only aspect to a blooming relationship, but it is important.

Anyway, too much sex talk when I should be preparing for my date. I need to purchase a top that leaves something to the imagination, all while keeping me warm on this shitty weather forecast.

What are your favorite topics of conversation in getting to know someone? Do you introduce sexual information about yourself early on? Do you WAIT to bring up sexual topics? Do you give him/her blue balls (yes, females feel something similar, guys)?