New “change” of pace for 5 questions!

Jason, I’m hanging on for the ride! BloggingJason redirected my world with his five:

1) An extremist faction of PETA has kidnapped you as part of an evil plot to turn somebody into one of the animals from the Cleveland Zoo’s Rainforest. But, it’s PETA, so they can’t get anything right- They can only transform you for one day, and they’re polite/dumb enough to let you choose. Sooooo, what’s your choice?

I totally want to be one of those florescent poisonous frogs! And hopefully it’s Petting Day. And all my exes RSVP’d.

2) It’s Friday and you have a busy night ahead of you and your friends kinda suck at making plans. You’re getting outta work and meeting up for some wine with friends at 87 West 2 before going to dinner at L’Albatros with a stop in between at Velvet Tango Room for “in-flight refueling”. After that you supposed to put on your drinking boots and go have too many PBRs while checking out the Whiskey Daredevils at the Jigsaw. Only problem- How the fuck do you get there?

Ha –  a CAB? (ed. note – Jesus. The Jigsaw’s website scares me! )

3) I just landed in town from outer space, and there’s only 8 1/2 hours before I’m supposed to obliterate everything in a 100 mile radius. What should I do for a good time that might change my mind?

Diamond Men’s Club, of course!

4) Your life has been completely turned upside down in some weird, horrible “Zoltar Speaks” –like incident. Like, you’re a 6’7″ dude in Alabama or something. But since this is some magical thing going on and I make the rules, you still have one personal trait left over from before The Change. What’s the one thing you’d keep the same about yourself?

Oral Sex. Because if I’m a dude now, but wait… does that make sense?

I suppose that I get to keep my resilience that seems to propel me through all this bullshit. Like, for instance, changing me into a basketball-playing Alabam-ian(?). LOL

5) Srsly, I wanna know – In one hundred words or less, what is the better cheese to melt over nachos: colby, monterey jack, or queso blanco?

For SERIOUSLY, queso blanco!

–

So long as you ask, I will answer. That is, unless you are wasting your lunch break spanking on about whether I wear “thongs” or “g-strings” (which I’m sure are clever monikers for the same piece of undergarment). But for those that understand the implications of my wanting to chop balls off on a regular basis, let’s steer away from when and where (and how big)  I decide to Bump Uglies.

Seriously, you really thought I was going to entertain your perverted queries, Shit Bag? Maybe I would have, had you not hidden behind a fake email. There’s an entire internet out there for porn, douchebag!

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