Life, Liberty & Pursuit Of Your Boyfriend

Oh, Happy Monday. What a bunch of crap. I took a couple sleeping pills after having insane amounts of alcohol and insomnia, and damnit, I just needed a personal day to self-destruct. I make it mostly through my day, with crazy dreams that felt too real (and sadly, weren’t), then got called into the office around 2. Shocker, they didn’t really need me.

But, oh, wait! You want to you hear about my weekend. This will not be your typical “this-is-where-I-drank-then-puked” version of weekend update, but a day in the life of a gal who simply just is awesome… but is too self-deprecating to realize it, save for the ex-boyfriends that all suddenly popped back in for a little Mel. And why I guess that the “let’s be friends” speech isn’t all necessarily that bad. I mean, as long as we can still have sex, right?

As you may have noticed by the rundown of my Tweets, I was both angry and sad and truly over-intoxicated for the last three days. Toward the end of my Saturday afternoon bender, I see 10-Second Breakup’s number come up on my phone. This is the second time in two weeks. I ignored the first one and proceed to do the same. There’s another “bladdy-blah” voice mail about wanting to catch up and a reminder that he called me a week-and-a-half ago, as if I didn’t notice. Then, apparently when he got wasted, I got a text message that tells me that I should at least tell him to “fuck off.” OK, FUCK OFF. And no, I never responded. And quite frankly, with the amount of (no) decency you showed me breaking it off, well, I’d rather not have friends like you.

THEN, at Around the Corner, I start drinking with a bartender/server from another Lakewood bar that just so happened to date that guy I met when Cleveland Magazine wrote that single in Cleveland article about me. I’m not really sure how the conversation came up, but I perked up when I heard his name, followed by “tall, dark & handsome…” I’m pretty sure I remember him as t/d/light, but whatever. Their relationship ended somewhat similar to ours, and she started texting him really nasty things (most of which I don’t remember), but at the end of it all, he wrote her that we were still friends and that I’m a wonderful person. I got his follow-up email a day late, asking if I was around tailgating. Apparently, I had other exes to keep me busy…

Tailgating through the Muni Lot, I run into HSS. It was funny when at first he didn’t recognize me (I guess it was my big-ass sunglasses), but we talked for a little bit and caught up with our dating statuses. He cracked me up when he told me that I shouldn’t be afraid to be a bitch. Then told me that was a big factor in him sticking around for six years. I’m sure it was all in jest, and he’s probably still a little scared of me, but seriously, I was a mega-bitch with him, but he still loved me. I mean, I was MEAN and abusive. We have a really strange friendship dynamic now — it’s been so many years, that I really don’t remember the feelings from dating him. And I’m pretty sure we both said the word penis too many times for a casual conversation. Blame it on the cheap beer.

Moving on, SSD texted me at some point after the Browns game. Says he’ll be in town next weekend for work, reminds me that he is still single, and wants to have pancakes (old joke). I told him that I thought we worked better while he was in a relationship. Snap, right? After finally getting him out of my system, I think it would be nice if we really do decide to catch up, now that I’m past all my lingering emotions with him.

Oh yeah, and then at Golic’s ran into the Buffalo dude who took me to his family vacation to Chautaqua two summers ago, then dumped when he moved back to Cleveland. I went over to him and said hello anyways. He thanked me for something I guess for not being a bitch and ignoring him. We were friends since college, and that’s how it should remain.

I began to worry, coming into today. Like, who’s NEXT!? Oh man, I hope that L doesn’t show up…

I then starting thinking about my ex-fiance, and that I haven’t talked to him/bumped into him/etc for almost two years. For all intents and purposes, we just had to go there — had to stop even friendship between us — and it was difficult, I think, for both of us. But I had to smile when I realized that today is his birthday. I never really wrote much about him, and that obviously doesn’t mean he was any less important. But today, know that I wish you a Happy Day.

Because if we could be, we would still be friends.