MISspelling the Myths of Dating

Interesting numbered list of “10 secret dating rules” located on iVillage dating site. Allow me to retort…

1. Wait three days before calling back
Frankly, this is bullshit. If someone’s waiting three days to call me, he’s history in my book. To me, this shows non-interest. And why the hell would I want to date someone that shows no initiative… and plays games.
2. Take her where everyone knows your name
Sure. This is great. I want all your attention shown to every barmaid and cocktail waitress that knows you and cut into my time. In the grand words of that MTV show, “NEXT!”
3. Resist sleeping with her early on
Good move. You wouldn’t want to seem desperate… or let me know so early on you can’t get it up.At least let me like your personality first.
4. Limit your spending
Dude, no! Like I would really put all that effort into getting all dressed up for this for some broke dude? Seriously…
5. Screen her first few calls
No, please allow me to screen your calls. Don’t worry, I’ll be sure to drunk dial back somewhere between 1:30 and 4:45am.
6. Don’t offer her gifts early on
As overheard from a great friend of mine, “Tiffany-Eyes, baby, Tiffany Eyes!” One of the best “early gifts” was a set of golf clubs and we had a date at the driving range. Change it up! Make a move already! Compete with dat!
7. Be mysterious… but not weird
Being mysterious is weird. Be yourself. This isn’t a tryout for the next James Bond flick — unless you look like Sean Connery.
8. Don’t flatter her too much
But why? I’m totally for the “ego massage.”
9. Don’t meet her friends — yet
Isn’t that the reason you want to date me — cuz I have hot friends? Surely you’d like to also be in their good graces?
10. Don’t let her meet your friends — yet
C’mon! I need backup! I want all your friends to know me so they can reassure what an ass you were for fucking things up with me.

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