As part of my new budgeting and organization goals for the new year (resolutions just sounds so cliche), I began the arduous task of cleaning out a cluttered two-drawer filing cabinet system in which I’ve had since I graduated high school (at least the crap is hidden within metal drawers). I get bored on random Friday nights and go through certain files and toss things that have passed the five-year point. This task was a complete overhaul of all things filing… and to finally throw the damn metal clunker on the tree lawn for garbage day. I succeeded in emptying both drawers and compiling into a more durable (and color scheme matching) one-drawer stacking file system. ONE drawer… and there’s space. With all that emptiness, I find in the bottom of the back drawer seriously every name badge from every job I have ever had (well, except for my anonymous run as the mall Easter Bunny). I assure you I do not have a collection of hairnets.
This is a list of "what I used to do":
1. Super K-Mart — I worked in the fine jewelry department for two years. I remember the extreme loyalty I had in working for this company. But after busting my ass with 40+ hour work-weeks, they still classified me as "part time"… then shortly after the holidays, dropped my hours down to 12 a week. When a brand new department store named Kohl’s opened up down the street and offered me another buck-an-hour, I left. Which brings me to…
2. Kohl’s — I loved new store opens! When the new location began hiring in Mentor, I started with the a staff of maybe 100 people from bare bones of the store until grand opening. It was such a cool experience being 19 and heading up intimate apparel. I would go to training sessions with bra manufacturers and get free schwag all the time. (Think the days when Wonderbra was the invention!) Not cool, being that since I was "bra fitter certified," older women felt it an appropriate act in removing articles of well, everything. I have seen enough old lady hips to last me a lifetime. And yes, apparently I was measuring for girdles too or somebody was pulling a fast one on the naive girl in the bra section.
3. Gadzooks — This was the best job I ever had! If the salary had paid better, I never would have left (I’m sorry, but a quarter a year pay raise does not a success story make). I loved being able to crank up the crazy dance music and make people do silly stunts for job applications. On busy Saturdays, I would bring in my Rollerblades and skate around the store helping people. The company encouraged its employees to be individuals… and well, nuts. (It also didn’t hurt that I had a hottie red-haired co-assistant manager by my side on a daily basis… rawr!) The vice president of the company came in from California to visit my store. He was this charming-in-an-old-moviestar way and really paid attention when I walked him around explaining what I thought sucked and expressed my dissension about excess in ugly pieces ordered from the buyers. I found two name tags: one for my stint as assistant manager and the other to my promotion as "the bomb."
4. Drug Mart — I worked at the cosmetic counter and handled VHS video rentals for pretty much every senior citizen in Lake County. (I can’t remember if this was before the Blockbuster boom and I HATED restocking videos). I had a few friends that worked there as well. We were all so young and carefree and the managers were all awesome. I can’t remember why I left either (maybe when one of my tasks included cigarette packs restocking). I remember it was part-time and temporary. Huh, I wonder where all those coworkers are today.
5. Rini Rego’s — Ooh yeah, baby, I was a cashier at the local grocery stop. For a teen, I remember making too much money and hating unions. THEN, I was harassed continuously from a bagger. He would come up behind be while I would be ringing out customers and flick rubber bands into my ass and grab me all the time (He was probably 18 as well). I remember being so fed up one day (and oddly enough his MOTHER was in my line) when he fucked with me again and I cursed at him (and then told his mom what an asshole he was). That afternoon, I went to my boss… who proceeded to tell me I "was cute" and pretty much explaining himself as if I deserved such attention because of my looks. I walked out on my lunch break and never went back. I took up the matter with my union rep afterward too and made SEVERAL complaints. Of course, I must have been "too cute" to warrant any sort of response or action.
6. Max & Erma’s — Two stints; two name tags. All-you-can eat breadsticks and tortilla soup (and why did they ever remove the horseradish burger from the menu??). I left after receiving a fabulous (underpaid) opportunity with a local dentist office. Which leads me to…
7. "Dental Radiology for Dental Professionals — February 2, 2002" — Yes, I was radiology certified. And my freaking name was spelled wrong. (Of course). I hated blood, but thought this job was perfect. It was over when I started passing out in the middle of oral surgeries.
8. Wet Seal — Complete with fitting room key! I spent 90% of my income on clothing. Based on computed figures of repeat customers, at the time of two-year employment, I had the highest dollar amount spent in that particular store. It was a nice ride playing "acting" manager for a year and not getting promotions or raises, finally having a Sunday free only to find the store robbed and shoplifted by a teenage EMPLOYEE over night (think how much money a store makes the Saturday before Christmas), THEN having a manager finally hired, only for it to be an arch-nemesis from childhood. I ran that store and surpassed ALL my sales expectations only to receive a $200 thank-you gift card consolation prize.
9. EFW (Extreme Futuristic Wrestling) staff/talent sticker — Yes, during the heyday off wrestling, I was a tag-team ringside manager for a local wrestling organization. It was awesome… and it was in Parma. How could you go wrong? I did get paid too, mostly just because I just looked hot on the sidelines. I was obsessed with all things wrestling (hey, I was a wrestling cheerleader in high school!!) They found me while I was working at…
10. Well, a local strip club (not as a dancer and it wasn’t my real name). And you all know that strippers don’t wear name badges.
11. Then I moved on to gold-plated name badges from Dillard’s. Buying shoes equals awesome; selling shoes equals sucky. My shitty sales associate counterparts would bombard themselves with ten-to-twelve customers at a time and leave no opportunity for potential sales for the newbies. I lasted three months. When they increased my first sales goal (I had to meet it or receive a pay deduction), I told them to eat shit. OK, I was a bit nicer with my verbal skills. Hey, I did get to "serve" Connie Schultz while I was there (and formally embarrass myself into writing-wannabe oblivion) and Tim White from Channel 3 in the elevator (most awesome local celebrity experience I have ever encountered in a "Hey-I-know-who-you-are-and-I-like-what-you-do" kinda way).
Thankfully, I no longer have to remember name badges as part of my accessory ensemble in the morning. Although, embroidered "Employee of the Year" polo shirts from Caribou may trump that.
In another strange coincidence, I found an old college newspaper from Lakeland. When I graduated high school, heading to two-year to continue my journalism journey, I made an interview appointment with the adviser at LCC. I received an awful vibe from this woman (think: Satan, but worse) and knew I wouldn’t be able to handle her in an authoritative position. Subsequently, I did not join the paper staff. That always lingered with me that this woman was so horrible and that I couldn’t remember her name. How ironic is it that this same woman ended up being the most abhorred professors from Cleveland State? I would only find this connection years later by a saved newspaper.
I need to start throwing things out more often. It’s about time for the "ex" box to become more of a burn box.
