I heart you!
The Frisky posted tits and tidbits in How To Tell If A Guy is Serious About You online recently. In expected fashion, guys buying flowers and stalking/jealous tendencies are classified as “not interested.” But using “we” in conversation, revealing intimate feelings and being nice to your friends (not including wanting to get with your friends) are on all included on their list to decipher his boyfriend capabilities.
While intimacy could be on the list in its vagueness (or could be result of a true player douchebag), one aspect I consider to be on the serious path is when and how he holds your hand. After suffering through a few relationships with insane voids in intimate touching (that did not include sex), I remembered how an action as small as another person holding your hand symbolized more.
Hand-holding seemed as such an huge first-act of dating when we were all younger. I’m fairly certain it counted as one the bases before we all knew and understood what sex was all about. We held hands with our girlfriends in junior high school because we were BFF and completely and wholly inseparable. We hold hands in support of family — at church, hospitals, funerals. To help or aid another person in and around obstacles. Or when the plane hits a rough patch of turbulence, you grab the hand of the stranger to your left (just me, then?). And if you’re my age, I’m certain you remember Hands Across America.
While a seemingly immature and unrecognized act, I view it as the ultimate measure of intimate affection. In public, you’re displaying to everyone, “I’m with this person.” It may seem too cute or pathetically overlooked in an anti-public display world of today (and of men I have dated that are completely out of touch with romanticism). Or worse — controlling and leading.
But stop for a second, and think about the potential of its affectionate meaning:
When walking over patches of ice in a chivalrous manner, his hand-holding could feel like “I’ve got you” in an unintended (sweet, not scary) measure of possession.
For security in moments of fear or uncertainty, you grab the nearest hand, thinking, I’ll protect you which feels very much like “I trust you enough to touch you.”
He reaches over on a drive in the car maybe because your hands are warm — maybe because you feel so far over there in the passenger seat.
Or as a result of nervous acknowledgment underneath or over the table at dinner. Reminds you, “I’m here… I’m happy that I’m here with you.” Whew, makes me melt.
Not only the grabbing and the intertwining of fingers, but better yet, when the fingers caress over the back of your hand or in the palm in a constant reminder this other person is there.
And while asleep or half-asleep and spooning? That grip cannot be faked. Not only displays an “I’m glad you’re here (even while semi-unconscious in dreamland),” but makes you feel wanted in a way that seems all too forgotten. And… to get closer.
Does anything else truly reflect I like you like hand-holding?
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November 23rd, 2008 at 3:38 pm
Mel-
I totally love your blog. It’s true. there are so many fuck-ups out there who think being controlling IS loving. I heard a woman on the radio say “oh no, he isn’t controlling at all, he is just very protective!” I almost shit myself in the Subway thinking about how distorted her view had become. How desperate she was for companionship, and wondering if and when she will realize that protective “no, you should do it this way because I know what is better for you than you do.” (Even though you’ve known you since birth, and I’ve known you 4.5 months.)
Ok, the point of writing. As good, and sometimes better than the hand, is when they offer you an arm. Elbow bent, shoulder firm, pulling you a bit closer than the hand would. It’s cordial, it’s safe, and old fashioned, but it’s lovely! Not all men know how to do this. It shows if they have manners, if they have walked with a grandma. And how much they want to have you near!
love ya!
car.
November 23rd, 2008 at 4:58 pm
What about a guy kissing your hand?
Weird? Quaint? Cheesy? Gross?Nice?
Or, “Nobody does that anymore except in movies.”?
November 23rd, 2008 at 5:01 pm
Hand holding rules…..so basic, yet it can bring so many good feelings.
Paulius - that hand kissing thing has always creeped me out as an observer….but girls might have a different perspective…
November 23rd, 2008 at 6:22 pm
Hand holding is ok, as long as the other person is not obsessive about it because it can be a sign that he is insecure and needs his hand held through life. Kissing my hand….just don’t do it unless you know it’s ok with me. Way too familiar!
P.S. Mel, this is clearly porn and should be banned from high schools, elementary schools and a few day care centers.
November 23rd, 2008 at 9:20 pm
i’m a complete nerd and love holding hands. i guess i never realized how much a really did till i read this. love it.
November 24th, 2008 at 7:28 am
Mark and I have always held hands and years ago we both agreed that we would never stop, no matter how old we get. Walking into the grocery store, walking through the mall, even walking into the Browns game yesterday. I think it’s sweet and to me, it brings a little bit of closeness into any situation. He also does the bent arm thing, which I love. It does feel a little closer and since he’s literally a “big, strong guy” it’s nice on snowy/icy days because if I start to slip he can just pull me right back up with his arm before I even get a chance to fall. It’s a protected, comforting feeling to know that he will always be there to hold my hand.
November 24th, 2008 at 2:48 pm
Mel - this really hit home (and I must admit, came at a good time). Being in a fairly new relationship I am 100% behind the notion that hand-holding truly shows that someone likes you. It is the best way to tell someone in public, without making others want to vomit, that you are together and you’re proud to be with that person.
It’s sexy and it’s classy. I’m a huge fan.
November 24th, 2008 at 3:29 pm
What a lovely post. Needed that on a dark, rainy day.
November 25th, 2008 at 3:55 am
[...] we’re mushing out - my buddy Mel wrote a great post exploring the simple pleasure that is holding hands with someone. But what does that whole hand holding thing mean to you? Check it out and weigh in with your own [...]
November 25th, 2008 at 3:46 pm
…or when, while driving, he shifts with his left hand so as not to let go of your hand/leg with his right… *melt*
November 26th, 2008 at 8:03 am
love this post!!
November 26th, 2008 at 2:00 pm
You all rock. Thanks for loving this post.
Now, shut up and go hold hands in the corner.
November 26th, 2008 at 10:50 pm
Tonight while at my uncle’s funeral holding Kelly’s hand while listening to the eulogy was one of the most comforting feelings I have felt in a while. I am thankful for that