Today is a combination of feelings — I wish they were only good ones, but they’re not.
Opening Day! Signifies the beginning of Spring — everything new, refreshed, blooming. I’m wearing my Grady jersey to get myself in the mood, but I’m stuck in some emotional cycle of apathy and anger… and discontent. Something majorly territorial snapped in me during my spring “break” and I don’t know how to go back.
Two weeks before my trip, my heart was bursting at the seams… Now it’s pathetically ripped and one small moment freaked me out, and I switched back into that “I don’t need you” role that I’ve grown so accustomed to over the years.
“Miss Independent” (emphasis on the air quotes): My ex used to do and say this amid heated battles and it drove me fucking nuts (like there’s something wrong with it? And fuck-you-very-much, Kelly Clarkson). Well, my current boyfriend did the exact same thing (hand gestures and all) while we were on vacation. It sent up an odd red flag, as in am I dating the same guy?
I don’t know what other way to be. This is all I know! So, my defense mechanism once again kicked in and now I’ve become overly self-protected. I just want to go back…
What does “Miss Independent” do now?
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