Life, Liberty & Pursuit Of Your Boyfriend

Wow. I was a bit hypocritical yesterday. I say a few days ago that I will welcome and embrace my “single-ness,” then I go and be melodramatic about wanting to be in a relationship.

There Mel goes again: The Walking Contradiction.

What do you want to talk about today? I initially declared September to be National Talk About Your Ex-Boyfriends Month, so I guess I’ll drop a couple more tidbits.

Recently, while flipping through songs on my iPod, “fka: New Guy” (I don’t have a nickname yet) stopped to play Coldplay’s “Vida la Vida.” Great song, right? Inside I was cringing because I downloaded that song right about the time when 10SB broke up with me. And for whatever reason, it signified something independent and sad (while the lyrics, I don’t know what they mean) and it really, really affected me — both past and present(-ish) tense. In fact, how ironic, that days later, that song would reflect another abrupt end to a blossoming relationship.

Pardon me while I ramble a bit.

There are so many freaking songs that remind me of my HSS. It’s weird. I suppose because it was that end of adolescence period, moving into adult-hood, and the changes or adaptations occurred throughout a lot of emo-rock. And punk. But whatever… By the way, did I ever mention his punk band named their album after me? We broke up (well, we did that a lot) and during one of those “breaks” he recorded an album. It was called “Four-Year Tramp” because, well, I cheated on him when I found out he cheated on me. Which, never is the best revenge, for the record. But I looked like the bad guy. Honestly, it was genius and the situation provoked a lot of emotional, original lyrics into their music.

More music trivia: the Dido song “My Life” came up on my shuffle this morning while I was getting ready for work. I loved, loved, LOVED the Dido “No Angel” album. All the lyrics and songs — still to this day — resonate in a strange way for me. But then “Thank You” had to go and be my and my ex-fiance’s “song.” And I couldn’t listen to the album after we broke up.

But anyways, the lyrics are below to “My Life.” Perfection, no?

What I choose to do is no concern to you and your friends
Where I lay my hat may not be my home
But I will survive on my own
Cause it’s me
And my life
Fuck what you say
Fuck what you hear
It’s my life
Oh the world has sat in the palm of my hand not that you’d see
And I’m tired and bored of waiting for you and all those things you never do
Cause it’s me
And my life
Fuck what you say
Fuck what you hear
It’s my life
It’s my life

(totally edited version, which sucks ass)

I have to start listening to some of my favorites again, and stop thinking about horrible references to the past.

OK, so the Google Reader people will miss this update, but whatever, I felt like writing more. I just listened to another Dido song (”Here With Me”) and ohmigod-wow, the memories! I went back to a time where I was so incredibly in love. Which is then what prompted a “level of love” conversation… with myself. That moment. That song — when it came out, what eight or nine years ago — I have never felt the depth of that power and passion since.

Wow, this puts *everything* into perspective. And kind of gives me a “what the fuck was he then?” attitude toward the shitbags of this decade. Oh, that’s positive and reassuring for me.