Performancing Metrics


Huge Group of Girls: battle of the XX chromosomes


This weekend I had a couple nights out with two distinctively different groups of women who were “new to me.” As in, never met them before. And since I was in Columbus visiting, I was invited to join them on subsequent nights out as an invitee of my college friend (who I’ve known now for over 15 years). Hooray, girls night!

(and, um, I guess the guy that you’re dating too)

The first group/night out (9 of us at sushi dinner and then a Studio 54 dress-up/dance party at the same restaurant): the women were fun, warm, inviting — and all beautiful. So nice. Cared more about dancing then anything/anyone else around them.

The second (10 or so of us at an over-crowded douchebag bar to watch the Buckeyes final four game): fake, cruel, catty … and kinda whore-ish. Ugh. Just… UGH.

Both interesting and completely different dynamics, but with one common element: my college friend. Both also containing women at various stages of relationship status. But guess at which I rolled my eyes more? (not to mention, *sigh* douchebag bars… why won’t you grow out of this, 30-something Columbus-ans?!). But I digress…

I tried my best at engaging both groups in mutual friendship and conversation, since it was in the best interest of my friend and my weekend. And the sake of my eyeballs. I walked away with some new friends this weekend as a result, but definitively from that first group. They were friendly, responsive and welcomed me with open arms… and open hugs upon the end of the evening. The second group of girls? Openly dismissive. Mean. One chick, who I can only hope “forgot” that I was part of her “clique” that night (but that’s probably giving her too much credit), continually turned her back towards me, flipping her long blonde hair constantly into my face (and my drink) while I stood at the bar near her. Oh, and when that didn’t get me to move, she started hitting me with her shoulder bag each time she moved with frequent animation. WTF. A few of the others outright ignored me (whatever). And yet, more of the girls would act interested, then WALK AWAY in the middle of a conversation. Oh, yeah… because of stupid boys.

I wish I was joking or even exaggerating in the slightest.

I knew there would be drama once everyone started pointing out that each had her own “ex” in the bar that night. But they were intent on showing off, feverishly hooking up and/or making out publicly with the next “flavor of the week” to make themselves feel better or something. It was just… gross. Fucking girls night, my ass. I had a small glimmer of hope, when a couple (who AB and I are friends with because of Pittsburgh) came to the bar to say hi. They attempted to drag me out somewhere else more suited to what I like, but I stuck around because I DON’T LEAVE MY FRIENDS.

To be honest, I was mortified that my friend considered the second group to be her “better” friends. These are girls who are out for themselves and themselves only — and wouldn’t think TWICE at leaving your ass at the bar once they met a guy. And if you’re wondering, I told her exactly that. And if you’re wondering if I’m a total bitch for thinking or saying so — well, if you consider honesty “bitchy,” then yes, I am a TOTAL BITCH. To each his or her own. Does that make me better than these girls? Nope. Different. Yep. At least I tried to make friends and was nice to everyone and DIDN’T INTENTIONALLY HIT ANYONE WITH MY PURSE. I shrugged off all the bad behavior because THANK GOD, I don’t have to do that every weekend.

I guess the point of this post is that I’m happy that I have genuine people to rely on, depend on, and ultimately trust that my ass makes it home alongside them. And that they can give up hooking up FOR ONE FREAKING NIGHT when I visit or want to have a girls night. And that my friends are not friends like hers. Thanks for being YOU, friends. I treasure you.

And I’m happy that I don’t live in Columbus.

PS: I heart you, Mike Polk. {video above}

  • The Modern Gal

    I occasionally visit my 30-year-old cousin in Columbus, and I agree times 100 about the douchebag bars. Are there no other bars in town?

    You have illustrated exactly why I am hesitant of meeting girls out for the evening whom I don’t already know. To hell with getting stuck with a Group #2.

    • Mel

      There ARE other bars in town. But you might get missed “getting seen” by some douchebag you made out with two weeks ago, dontcha know?

  • Tenacious Ken

    //Fucking girls night, my ass//

    If you don’t make this a T-shirt, I will.

    • Mel

      *thumbs up*

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