Performancing Metrics


{holiday spirit} …and a kick in the nuts!


I chuckled at this holiday gift guide: Gifts For Someone You’re Planning to Dump (aka: What to Buy Your Soon-to-be-Ex) – {Jezebel}. Passive-aggressive never worked for anyone.

I never intentionally sought out gift ideas for people I didn’t want to be with (I suppose I should have taken my own hint when I didn’t get 10SB something for Valentine’s Day)… and most of my former break-ups took place on/around New Year’s or Fourth of July (for SERIOUS).

Have you ever been in this situation (on either side)? What was the worst “I’m Going to Dump You Soon” gift you received?

The only one that comes to mind is when dating HG Shady McShadester. That asshole took me all the way to Phoenix for my Christmas “gift” to celebrate New Year’s and the Buckeyes Fiesta Bowl. So what: he made me sit in coach, while he stretched out in first class; and let’s not forget that time he was hitting on another girl while his friend occupied me at the other side of the bar; or that time his friend claimed it his attempt at having a three-way; or his general, skeevey-boyfriend tendencies — those are all a WHOLE OTHER ISSUE OF DATING — I got to visit my sister and niece at no dollar sign off my bank account. Although I did slip in the bathtub pretty hard during that trip; that was borderline disastrous.

Gah, just thinking of that loser makes me FULL ON regret not asking for AB’s number eight months prior. I need to take off my Grinch hat, like, now…

End note: if you receive something this Christmas that you’d rather unload than have remind you of his stupid, ill-timed ass, might I suggest Ex-Boyfriend Jewelry?

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