The holidays are approaching. Those questions will be asked.
The idea of heading to yet another table full of plus one dinner guests physically makes me sick to my insides. In the essential sense of dating and relationships, I have not cleared that level of the game (no matter how it has been hinted).
Single women know the quizzical routine: Dating anyone? If you’re dating: Is it serious? If it’s serious: is he going to propose? If he’s proposed: When’s the wedding? If you’re married: Where are my fucking grandchildren?
Or in the case of my mother: Why don’t you just get yourself knocked up already? You would probably fare better as a single mother anyway.
Right?
All kidding aside, if that particular version of relationship advice was bestowed to me by her experience, or her believing she knows me better than I have ever imagined (or wanted), it’s all, well, very fucked up being a woman in a nosy family during the holidays.
And then we wonder why we eat two plates at Thanksgiving. Personally, I’m hoping the tryptophan will lull me into a slumber until at least until 11:54 on New Year’s Eve.
By then there will be enough champagne to fake it until St. Patrick’s Day. Then enough Jameson to diminish the pain of wedding season.
Regardless of intentions either good, bad or naughty, I asked the guy I had been dating barely a month to a dinner… a dinner with some VIPs. Of mine.
And I am so sick to my stomach. And not because I don’t want him there, but because I somehow feel as though I have created a dating faux pas. You know, all that “too soon” bullshit. Glamour Magazine told me so. (Which is probably the reason I feel so out-of-touch and canceled my subscription).
I instantly texted my best of guy friends to figure if I had.
To which, he called me a crazy bitch (that was not foolish). Told me to chill the fuck out (relax sweetheart). And something to the effect that I needed to get laid (just go with it). Soon (no no not too soon). And then something resembling smilie smilie (smilie smilie). See, ladies? Guys do smileys.
These are the dimensions of crazy with single women: Do you call/Don’t you call? Do you act interested/Do you act aloof? Do you play dumb/Do you impress him with your wordsmith intellect? Independent/Can’t change a light bulb? Bald/Landing strip? Seriously, it’s enough to want to hibernate for three seasons with eight bottles of xanax and a jar of peanut butter.
And so the dating rituals perpetuate…
I just wanted The New Guy with me because, well, he doesn’t make me feel like such a plus zero.
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November 20th, 2008 at 12:40 am
So, do you find me slightly pathetic for never bringing someone to a holiday dinner? Why do you feel the need or obligation to bring someone? Do you realize that now it’s become sort of entertaining that no one even wants to talk to the “holiday flavor” or get to know “him” because more than likely they will never see him again. It’s quite humorous to say the least. Not for the poor sap.. but for my entertainment the following week… “Who was that guy?” “What’s his deal?” “Are they serious?” See, it doesn’t just affect you!! Love ya
Go Jesus!!
November 20th, 2008 at 5:18 am
Adria,
I would tell you the same thing I told Mel…”just go with it”
B
November 20th, 2008 at 8:37 am
Add me to the list of guys that use smileys….haha
Us guys get the “questions” as well. Only problem was, I got the questions while dating, at her big holiday family dinners. I don’t mind getting those questions from family members, but when it gets to extended extended family and family friends, it starts to feel intrusive. It’s amazing the questions that people who barely know you will ask you. I start dreading holidays, knowing that I’m going to get drilled with questions at least three times a year at the various holiday functions (Easter, Thanksgiving, Xmas.)
Reasons to be happy you’re a single guy? See above.
I guess I’m kind of lucky with my family - there’s just the four of us plus my sister’s husband. My family doesn’t ask questions. And my sister’s husband? We might talk, we might not. And the dog, he always wants to play. My holiday experience is a bit more mellow than some these days….although the planning to get us all in one room for those holidays sometimes takes a few phone calls
By the way - I think you were totally alright inviting him to dinner….not a faux pas at all in my book….and I’m thinking he’ll add some good vibes to your day!
November 20th, 2008 at 9:32 am
I think the advice you received in that text was spot-on. How about relax and just be yourself? That’s what he wants. He wants to get to know YOU… not who you think he wants you to be. And asking him to dinner was not bad at all because think about it… you wouldn’t have asked him unless it felt right at the time. So if it felt right, it was. Calm down and enjoy the wonderful ride that is a new relationship.
November 20th, 2008 at 10:21 am
Xanax and peanut butter is my new favorite mixed drink.
November 20th, 2008 at 10:25 am
Screw rules from magazines. After reading those things, is there anything in there that makes you think that they are more or less qualified on what to do than you are all by yourself? They are self-proclaimed experts without certifiable levels of experience. For all we know they aren’t speaking as experts but as people trying to make it sound like they are filtering all the proper cliches.
Plus, haven’t you always had the most fun in life when you were breaking “rules?”
Plus plus, don’t you kind of think that you aren’t causing it to work out or not, but merely changing the time frame with which you are going to find out? Doesn’t following the rules mean you are going to date the wrong person more times and for longer?
November 20th, 2008 at 10:36 am
I’ve got nothing really to add, because I’m the last person who should be giving dating advice, but listen to your friend Billy Zane. He’s a cool dude. So relax. Too much time is spent worrying about the moment than enjoying it.
p.s- True Story: I’ve got a business card with the title of “Baby-makin’ Jason”. I’m just saying…it’s a professional service.
November 20th, 2008 at 10:43 am
OMG, I feel like I wrote this post. I’m with you.
On top of holiday horrors, I am in a wedding this weekend for one of my best friends. She is marrying a guy that I was supposed to meet on a blind date years ago, but never ended up going b/c I got back together with an ex the nite before I was supposed to meet him. He and my friend met last summer and are getting married on Saturday.
Shoot me now.
November 20th, 2008 at 11:05 am
JUST. BE. YOURSELF.
Stop stressing, whatever happens, well happens.
November 20th, 2008 at 12:25 pm
yeah Mel, like Vanessa says. You are too cool of a woman. You wanna call, do it. Dont want to… dont. Be Your (way fabulous) SELF!
November 20th, 2008 at 3:30 pm
Do you ever wonder whether HG reads your blog?
November 20th, 2008 at 3:41 pm
Thanks all for your comments!
I am endlessly neurotic and nervous in the beginning of relationships (as most of you loyal readers have garnered), and this is a good way for me to sort out all my subsequent emotions.
I could fucking care less about the holidays. And unfortunately, that apathy trickles into other areas of my life — WHICH I’m trying to prevent this year.
As for HG reading, anything is possible. He knows of the blog. He knows what my initial thoughts were of him (without the help of the blog). He claims to not be internet-savvy. And if he DOES read it, hopefully he finds me ever-more lovable.
Although my first mistake was probably showing him how to find his Googleganger… wait, does that sound dirty?
November 20th, 2008 at 7:00 pm
mel, this is hands down my favorite post you have ever written. i love it. not necissarily the topic because i sooooooooo feel you on that one but the way you wrote it.
high five!
ps i think you should just go with it, from what i can tell the dude is into you. that’s a good thing : )
November 20th, 2008 at 10:37 pm
see mel? my advice? always spot on (well at least 12.54% of the time lol)
November 21st, 2008 at 10:58 am
get a Russian mail-order
November 21st, 2008 at 2:12 pm
I’m sharing this post with a close friend of mine — she will totally relate
As you can see by all the feedback, you are not alone*