Fully Functioning as a Joint Couple

Posted by Mel on Jan 10, 2011 in Boyfriend Shit | 15 comments

Now that we’ve finally got around to doing “it” (and by it, I mean surrendering ourselves completely to one another), we’re proud parents of a joint checking account. I mean, it’s wholly overdue, being that we’ve practically lived together since Date One (that fatefully-drunk St. Patrick’s Day) — now at our second cohabited place of residence. And have now moved somewhere where I no longer have in-person branch or ATM access (RIP, Chase Bank, but Pittsburgh doesn’t love you).

The responsibility that a joint account brings is something very scary to me. I’ve rightly fucked up my own money and financial situation just the way I like it (and gloriously revel in paying down balances to an “almost paid off” status). But now, everything from skating gear to make-up to the need for another pair of boots is scrutinized by more than just MY bank balance. HE has a say (and being the bread winner in said situation, I suppose at a 90% relevance to total household income).

But on that long-term relationship note, I had another conversation about “why I don’t want to get married” with one of my open skate partners-in-crime. I found it hilarious because every excuse I could give for being wed (having kids, combined tax benefits, commitment to “God”), her response was “that’s not a reason to get married… and THAT’S not a reason to get married.”

See? I have no reason. And merely being in love just doesn’t cut it because you need not be husband-and-wife to prove that to yourselves or anyone else, for that matter. Yet, people exchange vows every day and the wedding industry is making a ka-BILLION dollars in profits.

So, question: why did YOU get married (or why do you)?I mean, it’s only fair since everyone always asks me the opposite. And it’s OK, if it was for free shit, you can vent that openly here. At least that’s a more tangible excuse.

No related posts.

http://wwww.burghliving.com Erin

11 years. Seriously. 11 years together, co-habitating and all that, and not married. Now, I’m not going so far as to say I am completely OK with that, but we are the happiest and most compatible couple I know. So there.

http://pursuitofyourboyfriend.com/ Mel

I like this very, very much!
http://pursuitofyourboyfriend.com/ Mel

I like this very, very much!
http://pursuitofyourboyfriend.com/ Mel

I like this very, very much!

http://www.suburbansweetheart.com Suburban Sweetheart

On an only tangentially related note, I despise Chase Bank & am almost glad it doesn’t exist in New Hampshire so I have an excuse to stop having it…
Sylvia

I will be honest with you, our marriage was a business deal from day one. Now please do not confuse this with our relationship, that choice was one made of love, commitment, faith in each other, friendship and all the other ooie gooie things that fairy tales are made of. But our marriage was pure business.
We negotiated the finances and even made a flow chart and excel chart and graph before the the ring ever made it on my finger. I am not kidding. He worried about my very real shopping addiction and the $15,000 dept that I brought into the union. I had acquired that dept by paying for my ex’s education, because I was just going to be the bread winner until he graduated then it would be his turn so I could be the stay at home mom. But as it turned out it was just until he screwed me over and left me with every bill and loan in my name and my credit rating in the toilet.
So I had some trust issues, and was not going to share a penny this time until I had a legally binding document that prevented midnight disappearance of my partner and my money. I also needed a partner with a good credit rating to get the mortgage I needed to keep my life plan on track.
So we had a lot of financial baggage. We came up with a real plan, to make each of us feel safe. A spending plan we use to this day and although we could not be more different in our feelings about money, we never (okay very rarely) fight bout it.
Basically, merging dreams means merging finances and it is best to legally be ready for that cause the divorce rate is not in your favor. You could argue that this legal marriage binds us to each other, keeping the relationship going long past it’s expiry date, but when you have been this close to bankruptcy due to an impulsive partner, that is pretty comforting and something I am prepared to deal with.

http://pursuitofyourboyfriend.com/ Mel

We did the same thing — with the financial charts and researching tax stuff — but it wouldn’t benefit us. That was about the closest reason I could think of. A business deal is as good a reason as any — it’s more sensible than basing such a commitment on emotions. That’s just my thought…

hellpellet

We’re both hopelessly romantic and we’re soul mates. So we got married. (Possibly in the most unconventional way-which is a good idea for a post! )

But we have a business-ey type thing too. We have one joint account for savings . Everything else is separate and generally 50/50. (There always has to be give and take)

10 years of living together and that’s what works for us.

http://pursuitofyourboyfriend.com/ Mel

Yes, we still have separate accounts too (it’s easier for my freelancing accounting… I think), in addition to shared checking and savings for the joint bills. Can’t wait to read your unconventional post — I love that shit.

The Modern Gal

Part of our reason for getting married is for the party that the wedding is going to be. Sure, we could throw a big ol’ ‘we’re not getting married but we’re committing to a lifetime together anyway’ party, but I know friends and family would be more inclined to blow it off. The tax breaks were alluring. But deep down the biggest reasin is that we still both have an old-fashioned streak and like the idea of swearing out a life-long commitment in front of everyone — something that will set the tone for the rest of our lives together and something we can look back on to remind us why we’re together if and when times get tough.

BUT, that being said, I don’t like what marriage is in our society for the most part. I don’t like that people do it because it’s the thing to do. I HATE there’s a prevailing notion that if women don’t get married, there must be something wrong. I absolutely HATE the wedding industry (I’m rejecting many traditional weddingy things for our own little ceremony and party). I HATE that people think so much about weddings while thinking so little about marriage. I think there’s a part of me that wants to be married to show other people how it should be done.

I totally cheer on anyone who decides marriage isn’t for them. I want marriage to be A choice not THE ONLY choice when it comes to relationships since relationships are not one-size-fits-all. And I love all your reasons for not getting married.
The Modern Gal

Part of our reason for getting married is for the party that the wedding is going to be. Sure, we could throw a big ol’ ‘we’re not getting married but we’re committing to a lifetime together anyway’ party, but I know friends and family would be more inclined to blow it off. The tax breaks were alluring. But deep down the biggest reasin is that we still both have an old-fashioned streak and like the idea of swearing out a life-long commitment in front of everyone — something that will set the tone for the rest of our lives together and something we can look back on to remind us why we’re together if and when times get tough.

BUT, that being said, I don’t like what marriage is in our society for the most part. I don’t like that people do it because it’s the thing to do. I HATE there’s a prevailing notion that if women don’t get married, there must be something wrong. I absolutely HATE the wedding industry (I’m rejecting many traditional weddingy things for our own little ceremony and party). I HATE that people think so much about weddings while thinking so little about marriage. I think there’s a part of me that wants to be married to show other people how it should be done.

I totally cheer on anyone who decides marriage isn’t for them. I want marriage to be A choice not THE ONLY choice when it comes to relationships since relationships are not one-size-fits-all. And I love all your reasons for not getting married.
Sraa01

YIKES joint bank account. My best friend works at the bank and tells me horror stories about couples who open joint accounts. You know, the kind where one takes all the money and runs. Scary thought. I don’t think I’ll ever do it. I don’t trust anyone.

http://pursuitofyourboyfriend.com/ Mel

We have a joint account only for all of our combined expenses — rent, utilities, etc. We kept our separate checking, saving accounts, credit card and retirement accounts.

mindymin

We’ve been together for 16 years, married for 5. I was very much in the same boat as you when we first moved in together…there was no viable reason or advantage to getting married and we both were totally ok with being committed to eachother without it being a legally binding thing. Then we got joint checking…then we bought a house together. At this point we were both around 25 and I still had no desire to be married, he didnt care one way or another…

FFW 3 years to 28. We had a good number of our couple friends get married, quite a few of them squeezed out offspring, we were still the happiest most well adjusted couple we knew…if it aint broke dont fix it.

Then as I got closer to 29 I wanted to wear the title “wife” and I think thats about all it was really. There still to this day is no huge benefit to us being married, tax or business wise, and we do not now nor will ever have children. Neither of us are hopeless romantics or old fashioned at all and to be honest the wedding we had was less what we wanted and more what our mothers wanted (but shit…they paid the bill so I really didnt care) and more to the point it was seriously an epic party folks still talk about to this day…but long story short the only reason we did it was because I wanted to be “wife” and he wanted to be “husband”.

No epic relationship changes after the fact…we are still very much us, he is still my very bestest friend and we are still (even after a year long separation and reconciliation that made us far stronger than we ever were) the happiest & most balanced couple we know with the strongest relationship. And the myriad of couples who got married while we didnt until way later – all but 1 are currently divorced.

Do what makes you happy & what feels right to you & AB.
Emilykerr

Good Lord, that was our conversation, lol. We got married for the pictures, the party and the money.

Anyone going to the Social Media thing-a-ma-jig at PNC Park tomorrow?