Performancing Metrics


Foreign Family Christmas


While I’m working on my tan in Florida and Mexico for seven days, I’m passing the blogging reigns to my friends and the bloggers whom I stalk. Religiously.

I don’t know another way to pray.

Today’s guest post comes from my dear friend, Carley. She was my graphic designer professor (we were the same age) many moons and martinis ago, and we immediately connected. We would frequent the now-defunct ZaZa in Cleveland Heights after night class — many, many relationship mishaps were discussed over Herb Scores (my favorite martini on the list). Be that as it may, she moved out of state for her career, but we remained friends. She is the most awesome. And she married a Czech, which gives us lots of conversation about traveling, Absinthe and Becherovka.

If you like what you read, perhaps you can request she add you on her totally private blog. Keeping with the topic of vacation, here is a (drunken, I’m sure) recap of her recent Christmas spent in the Czech Republic.


I traveled to Czech Republic for Christmas with my husband. He was born there, and his entire family still lives in this tiny town, Karvina, on the other side of the country from Prague. It was his first time home for the Holidays in about 12 years. So this was a pretty special event.

The flight was miserable, long, and 3 fucking connections of hell. Never mind the 6-hour time change, and being awake for 23 hours. We hit the bars as soon as we got our suitcases to mom’s flat! Oh dear god, a premise for the rest of the week. Have a beer, and a wine. The beer is your water. The wine is to chase your shot. Oh, I’m fucked. Are you kidding me. My tolerance is about 2 dirty martinis. And that’s after a big meal! Excellent night!

If you want to travel to a country where people are kind, and will take you into their home. Visit! I don’t think the place has an exceptional tourist rap, but who gives a shit. The food is heavy, rich, and deep fried goodness. Everything is home-made. Families and friends are so warm. They welcome me with open arms, and I can’t even speak the language beyond pivo, víno, káva, sýr, prosím, děkuji. (beer, wine, coffee, cheese, please, thank you.)

Here is the kicker. When you visit. These tiny and totally adorable little shot glasses are place in front of everyone. HARMLESS! Baaah! I can take 20 of those little babies, and walk a straight line. Wait? What is that? Moonshine? You guys make your own booze….um? wow. Impressive, and terrifying. Is this legal? Yes? Oh…. so… it’s like vodka, right? Sort of, what does “sort of” mean?

Let me tell you what “sort of” fucking means. It means 50%-60% spirits stilled from plums. You can’t even get anything over 50% in the states. Real Absinthe is 70-73%. Our vodkas run about 30% in the States. Ahhhh Slivo.

When we visit friends here you get a coffee, water, maybe a beer. In CZ it’s a shot for hello. A shot because you choked on the first shot. A third shot because you are starting to feel pretty tough. Not noticing that you are the only one with slurred speech. By the 5th shot, it’s been a couple hours of poorly spoken Check-lish. And it’s time to visit another Aunt and Uncle! They are waiting! Let us go say hi, just for a minute….

Shit, they have the shot glasses out and filled as we walk in the door…2 more cousins to visit tonight!

Hull-ov-a Vacation!

  • Suburban Sweetheart

    Amazing. Perhaps I should get in touch with my Czech roots.

  • Clevelandpoet

    Awesome! I think I need to find or make up some Czech roots!

    Just had a shot as practice!

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