Thanks to Taawd for a fabulous post idea! Who knew the Olympics were full of double entendre? The following is a list of terms, rules and/or sports definitions that sound ooooh, so dirty:
Archery - fletching are feathers at the end of the arrow or quiver is the container of arrows at your waist. Before, after (or maybe during) great sex, I believe we all do a lil’ fletching and a quiver.
Badminton - Shuttlecock. C’mon.
Baseball - Even with the “rounding the bases” comparison to sexual relations, I have yet to hit a grand slam. Oh, wait, there was that foursome in my early 20s… does that count?
Basketball - I really want shotclock to be dirty, but it just sounds like an interesting drinking game. But then I still had to go and have my “box out.”
Beach Volleyball - wow. too many boobs in view to pay attention… I can’t even get into the rules, I’m so distracted. Seriously, anyone? And I do believe you have been served.
Boxing — I’m sure he prefers to his blows to his head.
Canoe/Kayaking - cockpit. Remember this Penis Tuesday?
Cicyling — crankshaft AND Derailleur… not to mention, I can see all your junk in your bicycle shorts. And… done.
Diving — there are six positions of diving: forward, backward, reverse, inward, twisting & armstand. I don’t know about you, but these are all positions I like to be in.
Equestrian — again, we have box and bits and cribbing and “work in hand.” Oh, but where do the little horsies practice? In the menage.
Fencing — froissement and then thrust.
Gymnastics — The word itself derives from the Greek word gymnos, meaning naked. ’nuff said.
Judo — submissions
Sailing — God, I just cannot get the phrase “All hands on the poop-deck” out of my head.
Swimming — Here is an overview of the breaststroke:
- Learn to excel with your gliding. Getting this right is instrumental in the development of the stroke.
- Stay relaxed throughout the stroke, with no tension anywhere in your body.
- Lengthen your body throughout the stroke.
- During the kick, ensure that the feet are turned outwards.
- Bend your hips and bring the knees forward.
- Propel yourself forward by extending your legs backwards and outwards.
- Don’t bring the arms together too quickly.
- Resist the temptation to bringing your arms all the way back to your hips or your elbows to your waist.
- Try and perfect both the leg action and the arm action individually before bringing them together in the stroke.
- When you come up for a breath, use your arms to give you momentum as you come up through the water.
- As you breathe your hands should be sweeping under the water and stretching in front of you as you go through the motion.
- Ensure that you are not putting pressure on your neck as you breathe. Keep the spine long and lengthen through the water.
Ahem, exactly. I mean, just replace “water” with vagina and you’re set for any super sexual experience. Where’s my kama sutra?
Taekwondo — Deuk-jeom and Shi-jak just sound like clever nicknames for your junk.
Tennis — similar to life:
Love
In tennis scoring love means nothing, hence love-thirty is 0-30. A common (but unproven) explanation for the term “love” to signify a score of zero is that it originates from the French term “l´oeuf.” Another explanation is based on the idea that to do something for love is to do something for nothing (zero).
Let’s bring you back out of that slump with a little breakback and a palming of your ball.
Water Polo — I know a guy or two that are rendered defenseless upon my feinting.
Feinting: A body, arm or eye movement, or combination of these, which act to freeze a defensive player or make him/her leave defensive positioning, to the advantage of the offensive player.
Weightlifting — “clean and jerk” AND “snatch” Taawd, it’s just too awesome for words.
Wrestling — Illegal hold with consequence. Wait. Who’s the top and who’s the bottom? Reversal!
Heard anything dirty lately?
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August 16th, 2008 at 2:31 pm
Olympic trampoline girl from Canada Karen Cockburn….
Pronounced “Coburn”
Why?
August 17th, 2008 at 7:52 am
Because they’d have to bleep her name throughout her entire life, otherwise..
I’d love to have a bleeped name.
I’m weird like that.
August 18th, 2008 at 11:22 am
Here’s something freaky…check the last paragraph.
http://kristenkaleal.blogspot.com/2008/08/rip-dr-coburn-jcu.html
August 18th, 2008 at 6:22 pm
Wow Kristen…that is crazy.