Mel

{penis tuesday} SOMEBODY STOLE YOUR PENIS!

Eye of newt, and toe of frog… And go ahead and give me a few of those West African dongs. This story has everything: witchcraft, magic (do those two regularly go together?), cash extorsion, angry mobs, and penis-snatching. And I suppose some very, very scared stiff men (heh). “I’m tempted to say it’s one huge joke,” [Kinshasa's police chief, Jean-Dieudonne] Oleko...

Mel

{penis tuesday} penis dumplings in the news.

And “allegedly” served at Chin Chin Chinese Restaurant. {Huffington Post} Oh… well, carry on. Seriously, this news article is so stupid that the editor actually left IN a question mark after a direct quote from the victim. A nonsensical quote, sure; but the decision to use it, and then question it, is just… boner-ific....

Mel

{penis tuesday} Polonius was a Mythical Sausage

Yes, THAT Dr. Seuss. I know it is wet and the sun is not sunny, but we can have lots of good fun that is funny. {h/t Joe, via...

Mel

{penis tuesday} Happy Viagra Day!

Today, March 27 — which, appropriately, falls on a Tuesday this year — is National Viagra Day. What’s Viagra, you ask? WHO ARE YOU?! and why are you on my blog? Today is the infamous date in 1998 that the Food and Drug Administration approved use of the drug Viagra for old men to have continued, lasting erections to schtump women half their age. This fun little medication puts a little...

Mel

{penis tuesday} you get one: steak OR a blow job

BUT NOT ON MARCH 14! Because tomorrow, you get both. TOO BAD FOR YOU TRAVELING BOYFRIEND. The male response to Valentine’s Day: Steak & a BJ...

Mel

{penis tuesday} tatted penis in the news

Can a penis tattoo give you a permanent erection? Well, that happened to one weiner-ific specimen, who apparently has a total lack of fear of being poked and NEEDLED in the peener, unlike the rest of his entire male species. How, medically and WTF-speaking, does this happen? Well, by essentially poking too deep with needles, causing a PENILE ANEURYSM. Think of me fondly, dear penis, before going and...

Mel

{penis tuesday} is that chocolate?

Happy Valentine’s Day to you and your penis. {from someecards.com}

Mel

{penis tuesday} Even though sometimes it’s a pain in the ass, I like having a detachable penis.

Here’s a story about a cannibalistic spider with not one, but TWO detachable penises (pen… penii??). Because when he’s done, he’s done. And he can just detach himself and move on to the next one. WELL ISN’T THAT A PLAYFUL METAPHOR FOR THE MALE SPECIES OF ANYTHING? I cannot read this story, of course, because… well, mother-fucking SPIDERS. And clicking the link to the...

Mel

{penis tuesday} in politics: does size matter?

No really… AMERICA WANTS TO KNOW! Mitt Romney, tell us that it ain’t easy living with a huge penis. Because that’s the only kind of pole-arizing topic I care about.

Mel

{penis tuesday} that dude played the piss right outta me

We all know men are, um, “directionally challenged.” Will video-games-at-the-toilet FINALLY teach men how to aim their penis in the right place? THEN I’M ALL FOR IT! This sounds like something useful and effective to train boys in early development for purposes of toilet training: HOW TO PISS IN THE TOILET PROPERLY — and not spray the floor, the wall… OR THE FREAKING...

Mel

{penis tuesday} say what?

Mel

{penis tuesday} dick & marbles = love

I freaking love this bitch: {NSFW: but likely, my site is probably blocked, so you can’t see this anyway… but maybe you’re on vacation?!}

Mel

{penis tuesday} just another tuesday…

It was just your everyday Tuesday: wake up late, chug the coffee, run to your trainer appointment (still sore from last night’s two-hour practice). Then, you scan and snicker at the headlines for your favorite Tuesday Topic… And the story “WOMEN ARRESTED FOR FATAL DICK INJECTION” jumps out at you. I repeat: N.J. man dies from penis enhancing injection JUST ANOTHER TUESDAY of body...

Mel

{penis tuesday} Go Cocks!

A gift for me upon my arrival to Charleston… err, well, the night before I left actually. I love my friends.

Mel

{penis tuesday} impotencia!

I’m not too proud to mention that this clove cigarette pack was calling out to me from a trash can in the ladies room at Kelly’s Bar & Lounge last weekend. No, I’m not that desperate for a smoke — I just can’t help myself, when I’m drunk and see penis, I have to reach out and grab it. Heh. There’s no mixing warnings here at all. One, it’s probably not a...

Mel

{penis tuesday} pickle

Excuse me, sir. There’s a penis in my drink!

Mel

{PT} Pejazzling.

This gets a no. A sincere "no, I will go nowhere near your nether regions if you are wearing rhinestones, no." I am NOT a promoter of bedazzling your vag either, for the record.

Mel

{PT} What’s in a name?

The very shape of food can ask for head turn heads (ask the banana). I also watch America's Next Great Restaurant, where I was happily cheering for Saucy Balls. Food -- as well as its advertising and messaging -- and sex seemingly have a natural relationship. And man, I hate when all they do is break-up-and-make-up. But the following brands are treading a fine line of unintentional double entendres that are outwardly porn-a-rific! {OPEN TO READ}

Mel

{PT} Art All Night

Check out Diggin Pitt's Art All Night (in Lawrenceville) post (now: with PICTURES!). And yes, there were penises... I mean, in art, aren't there always? {open post for link}

Mel

{PT} Bonus: Semengate

“So there’s a deeper bond between men and women than St. Valentine would have suspected, and now we know there’s a better gift for that day than chocolates.” And yes, that line is in direct response to semen. *chuckle* As in: directly applied — in the vagine — the substance has mood-enhancing effects, thereby increasing bonding between males and females. Why can’t...