Yeah, yeah, so I missed Penis Tuesday last week as result of BlogSecret, and well, freaking about my dating mishaps. Stop giving me shit, or else I spit it back in your eye.
I tried hard not to share this week’s selection for Penis Tuesday. Really, really hard… I couldn’t resist. It is so disgusting and [...]
Hey, guess what? I am a whole new penis today. Transformation complete.
I know most of you get your Mel pleasure from your Google Reader, but check out my new site digs, courtesy of Delicious Design Studio. Jess rocks my socks.
Few more things to double your pleasure:
Add my feed to your penis.
And have your penis follow [...]
There are already enough penises in government. Please don’t vote for the biggest dick to run our country! Well, maybe that’s not the right way to put it. There is that whole “black guy” theory… So, in that case, yes. Vote for the biggest penis. Go Obama!
*wish I could take credit for that photo, but [...]
If it’s not clear at this point, you can’t take me anywhere really, as I have an obvious maturity issue… or perhaps a seriously unhealthy obsession. As if penises were newly-created idols. Thanks to Bier Markt for helping me maintain my Obnoxious (Pumpkin Carving) Girl status and for a super-cool event.
Regardless, here’s how much fun [...]
Mmmmm. Pumpkin Pie. Perfect time of year for penises.
You got your pumpkin-flavored lube too.
But did you know that the smell of pumpkin pie increases blood flow to the penis? Oh yes, as do the odors of licorice, chocolate and doughnuts.
Coincidently, all of which I enjoy rolling around in on a cool fall day.
And something you [...]
Halloween is coming, perverted pricks. I got the tricks, if you got the treats.
Do you have your anonymous penis costume? I’m pretty sure I can tell who it is by the ball size:
Found at the bottom of your bag, a condom, just in time for the female tramp parade:
Sweets for the sweet — or so [...]
Today, I give you… baseball penis.
Good Lord, I have never been a “Grady is hot” bandwagon-er. But suddenly there he is gracing my pages of Men’s Vogue (uh, some guy, I stole your copy) and maturing awesomely…
in a hot dog place. In Cleveland.
Tit is the best Penis Tuesday of my dreams.
And embarrassingly enough, at first, [...]
Inspired by recent posts, comments and maybe the girls night plan for breakfast-for-dinner tonight, today’s Penis Tuesday is a phrase I need to introduce into my extensive vocabulary arsenal:
Penis Waffle
An absolutely frustrating person that does not rise to the level of a beating or actual profanity. A term of annoyance or disgust. (courtesy of Urban [...]
Oh, I think my head will explode.
Not just a clever euphemism.
I hear if you jack it too much that you can actually make your penis explode. This is no laughing matter, as I actually almost lost my breakfast thinking about a penis rupture. Seems to happen more often than not when getting a bit too [...]
Summer’s done and left me. No more hot dogs in my buns for a while.
Did you know that certain phallic-shaped food items actually have aphrodisiac effects? I figured I would list the foods you eat that pervertedly suggest the dirty, dirty on the penis while eating them:
The obvious selection, hot dog — they don’t call [...]
Thanks for The Modern Gal for this gem. Twitter turns anonymous postings into something about the penis. I can now entertain myself all day! In fact, I think I will, with some all-things-penis from my own tweets:
loves when it’s cottage cheese and penis bars for lunch. about 2 hours ago from [...]
I’m back, bitches! I know, I know, you all probably think I was sitting around getting myself stuffed with a little penis, right? Uh, no. He was much, much bigger than little. Anywho, on to the show!
So, there was this guy that sat in front of me in Geography at my junior college. He had [...]
Penis for breakfast is a perfect start of the day to put your mouth around something tasty and get a little protein.
I mean, I obviously like my penis with a hard white and a runny yolk. Penis for breakfast, again? Crap. Gives a whole new meaning to the pick-up line, “How you you like your [...]
Clone your willy!
Clone your bone!
Cast a shadow on your girlfriend’s new man with a nice anniversary present to the couple. Your penis. Because you need to show ‘em who’s really the boss. And you know, she always misses your penis most. Probably doesn’t matter much that you never made her come.
Make your own dildo here.
Yes, folks. I’ll let this edition of Penis Tuesday speak for itself.
In the next category, What Will They Think of Next? , the winner is:
That there is a USB gadget. And yes, it humps your hard drive. See it in animated action here.
Fossil penises. Yes, repeat after me: Fossil penises. And I’m not talking about your horny vag chasing after grandpa-aged “old drizzly.”
Since the schlong of an arthropod (spiders, insects, etc.) has its own exoskeleton, there is a chance of digging up a fossilized member in your own backyard (or maybe the ocean floor or something). The [...]
Today’s installment of Penis Tuesday is very special. It is dedicated to my favorite bloggers… that have a penis. Not surprisingly, most of the blogs I read are by men. I don’t know what that says about me.
Taawd, the newest entry on my list of blog stalking, has nominated me for this award. He will [...]
I have heard of some weird ways to have sex. While I always thought the “dick in your ear” bit was grossly humorous, I never paid particular attention to the strange places in which the penis gets pleasure. Then I read the term penis-to-armpit intercourse, and I was all like, wha? Cleverly nicknamed, “pit job.”
I’m [...]
Last Call! Drink ‘em up, people! Today’s Penis Tuesday topic is drinking! Shocker. I’m sure most Clevelanders have dared to try a Blowjob shot, a Viagara shot (seriously, what’s in those?) or Julio’s Up All Night (at Liquid). Here are a few new poisons to keep your pecker performing:
First up, we pour you a Hairy [...]
I’m quick like a lightning fast round of dick-slapping today.
Today’s Penis Tuesday word-of-the-day is penisuction. This term was used in the 1960s as a medical pseudonym for fellatio, which if you do not know what that is, you have no reason for enjoying anything about the penis.
And if you love yourself a little pecker popsicle, [...]
