Mel

Guess who said it…

When speaking of someone with a not-so-much personality: His personality is drier than my cooch.

Mel

Birthday Excuses

The statement of the evening at Liquid/Fusion last night: I’m Spencer, but you can call me Spence. It’s my birthday, and I like your boobies.

Mel

How long can I maintain this drunken stupor?

Saturday was nothing short of another blast downtown with help from 40+ of my (closest) friends. Thanks go out to everyone that showed (and those especially that helped Amber out with the story). Some very special “thank-you’s” as they arise: Julio for allowing me to reserve the couches at the front of the bar at Liquid, the door guy from Tramp for allowing my entourage of 20 to skip the...

Mel

Another side-effect of drinking too much…

If you’ve ever had too much to drink, you realize the complications that affect you the morning after. My favorite starts with: I did what? Yes, I’m talking short-term memory loss. The next morning, your brain is still particularly fried from Tequila, Gin, Jack Daniels, et all. Fast forward a few days and your mind begins to fill in those blank spots. (Sometimes I wish they didn’t, but it...

Mel

Non-Negotiables

There are particulars that a person has when they’re dating: I won’t date someone who does this, looks like that, wears THAT… but rules are consistently broken, or what most consider to be “compromise.” You meet someone, start to have feelings and learn to accept those little differences and begin to coo over each other’s bad habits. And then there the non-negotiables....

Mel

Watch out, I’m reading again!

Title: “Men Who Can’t Love” by Carter & Sokol (brought as a gift from Miss Spider on her recent visit from Nashville) Excerpt from chapter titled “The Bitter End of a Commitmentphobic Relationship: These Foolish Things—Commitmentphobic Meorabilia”: (Page 287 for those keeping notes) Another odd little detail that many women have mentioned: After the relationship is over,...

Mel

Silence is bullshit

…and then there was nothing. If I could have any superhuman power, it would be to know what the other person is thinking. This is what I absolutely hate about dating. You never have any idea that is going on inside the other person. They can lead you on to think one particular way, and then you never hear from them again. Apparently, I not only attract athletes, but men with incredible disappearing acts.

Mel

OMG! That’s SO funny!

Tuesday night while out at Mercury Lounge, this moron comes over to me and asks my name. When I tell him, he starts to LAUGH! I question him as to what is so funny, and he tells me, “You have to admit, that IS a funny name…” Are you fucking serious? I mean, what if Loretta really WAS my...

Mel

Clearing things up

I keep getting emails/comments on the reasons why L dumped me. The truthful answer is: I don’t know. The Fucker (as he is so-affectionately-named) doesn’t have the balls to call and tell me. He pulled out the dick-card and just stopped calling me once he got back in town. So, people… your guess is as good as mine. I have this horrible “Pretty Woman” complex right now to boot,...

Mel

This post was written in my sexiest phone operator voice.

The dust is starting to settle around the “break-up.” (If you can even call it that). I still have yet to receive some sort of phone call, message, email, some random “fuck you’s.” The first couple days were the hardest. Now the middle fingers are coming out (yeah, the “I could give a FUCK” ones). The last three nights, my AWESOME partner-in-crime Jen has kept me...

Mel

Bum Rush

I would’ve chalked it up to being drunk, if I didn’t have two other people with me that heard it: Bum (on W.6th): Hey, Mel! What’s up? How the FUCK did some homeless man know my name? Again, if I were alone, I’d be standing there dumbfounded thinking he were some street prophet. Oh wise one, do tell… Meanwhile, I was heading down to Panini’s for my usual grease &...

Mel

Almost the Weekend Wrap-up

Thursday night’s birthday bash for Liquid sucked ass. I just wanted to make that notation permanent, in case I haven’t made it clear. It was a horrible way to start off my weekend. A waste of a night out. I was happy with my Panini’s during my drive home at 12:30a.m. though. Friday night, things started to pick up a bit! I met some fellow bloggers down at the Captain’s Game in...

Mel

Liquid Loving

Last night was the official “Jen’s Bday” party night. You know how birthdays are, they usually are celebrated for another week or two by those that were unavailable to attend scheduled festivities. It was a  cool night at Liquid–another Monday SIN night come-and-gone. We met Ryan from “Viva La Bam” along with a couple X-Games guys. I guess Cleveland’s the place to...

Mel

Traffic Stop!

This will be the absolutely LAST time I walk into this god-forsaken nightclub! I just wanted to hear different music (and by different, I don’t mean a 16-minute Whitney Houston dance remix). After traipsing through W. 6th for a blah night, we made a stop in because of some Victoria Secret’s Fashion Show. Yeah, $10/person cover on a Thursday night, whatever. We paid the shitty entry fee, walked...

Mel

Is it the fucking weekend yet?

Last night left a lot to be desired in my world of being single. It was almost a recurring bad dream. Is there ever a point in life, regardless of circumstance, that you just FEEL something so godamn strong it hurts? I mean, seriously PAINS your insides? You expose yourself (and I don’t mean boobies) to someone, and they fail to recognize. I’m trying to figure out if I’m only upset...

Mel

An Exit to Remember

Why is it while you are out for the night, looking good, feeling the vibe, trying to check out if you-know-who is checking out your you-know-what… and ALL NIGHT passes with no takers?  Then when you finally grab your coat with an “I’m outta here!” the cutie near the exit decides to start up a conversation with you. Where the FUCK has this person been all night? Is it that guys just...

Mel

How To Break Up With Your Boyfriend

Geesh – I must receive 100 hits a day from Googlers with this search term. So, Mel’s gonna break it down for ya today. How DO you break up with your boyfriend? A couple scenarios and tips for you: 1. Honesty really IS the best policy. If his penis really DOESN’T matter to you, the sky’s the limit—remember, there’s always ex-sex to worry about. 2. If he’s freaky,...

Mel

Private Eyes are Watching You

I noticed I’m getting a LOT of search terms for this topic through my old page, and thought I should post it here… Tips, Tricks, and Shit to Watch For… 1. If he lies about something small, he lies about something large. 2. If she’s JUST a friend, he should have no probs introducing the two of you. 3. If he doesn’t answer the cell phone in front of you — it’s...