Mel

{sunday funny} The Ex

Anyone can relate… of this I AM CERTAIN. Shoebox Blog, via Geeks Are...

Mel

{something borrowed} sharing the toilet with the boyfriend

OCD, hypochondriac, germo-phobe... pick one: I'm them all. I have adult issues with cleanliness and matters-of-the-stomach when it comes to food phobias. The majority of my obsessive-compulsive cleaning streaks ceased when we adopted cats. Because let's be serious, OMG HAIR EVERYWHERE! I'm almost comfortable even with cleaning gunk out of the eyes. *retch* {open to read more}

Mel

Oh, the dreamy places you’ll go!

I had a dream last night where someone asked me how many people I've been in love with. In my dream, I answered, "Five."

Mel

Ex-ploration or Ex-ploitation?

There was a time when I used to write about my funny or OMG-that-didn’t-really-happen stories related to ex-boyfriends. When AB & I got together, I stopped. It was a combination of being too happy to dwell in my past misery and a part of letting the past be the past. But I think I might start to share some of those soap operas again, as I feel those memories have a part in shaping how I feel...

Mel

Kind of a “would you rather” question.

Ooh-ooh! A great post from Heiss Chic today over at Technical Support. I’m curious what you think (and please join in the conversation over at her blog too!): on a day when you look exceptionally good, would you rather run into your ex-boyfriend or your boyfriend’s ex? As I commented on her blog that I could give two shits about my boyfriend’s exes (if you can even call them that…...

Mel

How a kitchen reminds me of past relationships.

There are several random thoughts I had of kitchen supplies or habits and objects from relationships lost. Nothing to do with just cooking either because there’s really only one other than my current man — who holds the gold medal in making my tummy happy. Unless you count Velveeta Shells & Cheese as a meal cooked BECAUSE I CERTAINLY DO NOT. I used to own a super-cute, full set of shabby...

Mel

Advice: How to Ruin a Good Relationship.

Ex-boyfriends. New boyfriends. High school boyfriends. Potential girlfriends. Blog stalkers. What to do with them. It doesn’t take a relationship manual to tell me that I prefer they stay at least an arm’s length away from those who I previously held in coitus – you know, like a frenemy. Although I do enjoy scouring the internet for interesting sites dedicated to “advice.”...

Mel

Valentine’s Day Ghosts

This year is nice. Yes, nice that I don’t need to complain all over my blog that I don’t have a boyfriend, and that I’m so lonely and the holiday doesn’t mean anything, puke, puke, puke… I like that AB & I have made plans to do our “Valentine” shit together (regardless of how I feel/don’t feel about the inane holiday that WAY too many put the stock of...

Mel

Y2K OMFG OU812 2HOT4U

The end of the decade is coming. How fucked up is that? TEN FREAKING YEARS have passed. “Since when?” you ask. Since our planet almost self-destructed and we couldn’t tell anyone on Facebook. Ten years is all relative to whom you’ve fucked or fucked over, but really… 15 years since I left Farmtown Inner-city A-town. Thank GOD all THOSE people were left behind in Senior Last...

Mel

YOU may be a stalker. But I am not.

In a weird twist of randomness, I purchased a vintage desk online to eventually refinish into a bedroom vanity (you know, when a second bedroom exists in my life, and I have room for sanding and paint fumes). That in itself is not random (OK, perhaps if you didn’t realize I like vintage furniture it may be, so there you go), but the LOCATION of the pickup was random. When Cool Seller (who read my...

Mel

What’s new?

I caught up with my ex — The Fiance — yesterday. And no, it’s not some big secret that we conversed. AB knows we’re friends. “What’s new?” he asked, in request of status from our last conversation a couple of months ago. Everything is JUST as fantastic as the last time we spoke – downtown living arrangements, permanent awesome boyfriend placement, upcoming ...

Mel

I almost moved to the beach

In my early 20s, the family had a condo in a Myrtle Beach Resort. Wow, I look at the place now, and it is a completely different world. On one of those vacations, I met Vacation Exemption (a boy, duh). He had all those fine qualities that a female craves in her 20s (and subsequently shuns in her 30s): a bartending job on the beach, an identical twin, a life wholly defined by the confines of a Myrtle Beach...

Mel

Samoas. Trefoils. Lent. Giving up cookies and more.

I spent majority of my weekend in bed with whatever-the-hell-it-is flu thing that has been moving from person to person. This morning, while my fever has recovered, I’m still feeling the bit of aches especially in my neck and middle back. It may or may not have to do with spending 85.3% of my Friday-to-Sunday night in bed, but I digress. I was sick, but mostly (ironically?) productive. It’s...

Mel

And then THAT part happens after the break-up…

A free day. Friends voices and calls ceased for a night. A day alone. With chores and empty thoughts. Then the laundry is all folded and put away. And a stupid cloth napkin from the wash reminded you of him. The day winded down. And you settled into bed. The quiet reminded you that his Good Night Call was not coming. The anger subsided a bit. And a fit of tears overwhelmed. Yes, you missed him. Douchebag...

Mel

Must attend event for Cleveland Females!

Received this in my spectacular things-to-do in Cleveland box today (mark your calendars): Friday, February 6th Shaker Square Cinemas will be hosting a special Ladies Night benefit party starting at 6:30 PM for Rainbow Babies & Children’s Hospital Circle of Friends. Your $35 admission will include: * A ticket to the 7:30 showing of “He’s Just Not That Into You” * 2 complimentary...

Mel

Side-tracked and blind-sided

In what initially started as a seamlessly happy week, Hump Day arrived, carrying with it two incidents involving my exes and an embarrassing tribute to life as a single person. First wasn’t that particularly awful, and not all that bothersome to this modern girl. I understand nobody can prevent with whom they are attracted, and I wish happiness for everyone that is a part of my life. It’s all...

Mel

Once upon a time, in a long-distance relationship — far, far away…

I am the proud bearer of Long-distance Relationships. Why this seems to plague me since being classified as “single” a few years back, is beyond my understanding. But now I am inherently the woman that seems to not meet a guy that actually lives in Cleveland: SSD lives in Cincinnati — where I made the trek time-and-time again because I felt as if he was worth the drive, save for the fact...

Mel

Du brauchst doch keine Angst zu haben.

Peoples, I gots that tingle with the impermeable smile. The corny smile that I repeat in text, that gets returned. That, “Me, too!” That sappiness that you want to bottle up and savor for eternity, for when the shit (and the butterscotch-morsel cookie) starts to crumble. I am smiling. I am singing while driving to-and-from the office (including head bounces and driver-seat dancing much to the...

Mel

Finger-bang Friday: BREAKUPS!

I’m feeling less than stellar this morning. I probably shouldn’t have watched “P.S. I Love You.” It left me feeling incredibly alone last night, as I slept another night on the sofa, since I still haven’t mapped the location of Huge Spider in Bedroom. And I cried twenty minutes into the movie — not at death, but at love. All-consuming, I-don’t-have-it love. I also...

Mel

My chance at TMI! (aka: how to get in my pants)

That’s too much (sexual) information. Courtesy of Dear Sugar – Weird Sex Statistics (and I’ll work through the quiz with you). Question 1: How long does the average sex session last (foreplay not included)? Seven, 11 or 18 minutes? This makes me feel very, very sad. Kind of like the time when I dated a guy that was ALWAYS about seven minutes. Good thing he was horny in the morning, and...