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{pursuit of} excitement

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The boyfriend made a comment on our way home from our regular Thursday night shenanigans in the South Side:

I wish I could be like that again.

The “that” I thought he was referring to was the guy picking up a random street hooker girl in a short sequin skirt from outside the bar. THE HELL, BOYFRIEND?!

What he meant was the carefree lifestyle, college-aged something, partying it up, no cares or responsibilities in the world. Ahem. Thursdays have always been my favorite night to go out and whoop it up too.

This beer was a lot more exciting before we had to spend $5,000 on new countertops. {as seen in this very picture!}

But we have responsibilities now. Probably too many. And we live and budget too much by what’s going on under the roof of our house (or, dripping through the roof, as it were). I can’t tell you how many times I want to escape for the weekend to some unknown, adventurous place… and, thankfully, I still can achieve that via my derby travels.

As a couple, however, there is little excitement. UNLESS YOU CALL PICKING OUT SUBWAY TILE ON A FRIDAY NIGHT EXCITING. Life as an adult is boring-as-shit because of those “adult” things we’re supposed to do and “adult” ways we’re supposed to act. Never mind the NINE PM BEDTIME all these “adult” decisions bring. Ew, that last one is ALL boyfriend.

And as new homeowners and parents of three of the cutest little furbabies and being on different sleep schedules and opposite travel plans, we. are. in. a. rut. I resent that all of our plans circumvent house decisions. I resent that our budget is restrained to what we need to fix or update or stop from leaking or OMG KILL ALL OF THESE CARPENTER ANTS, PLEASE! By extension, of course, I resent the boyfriend for being a total fun killer. AND NOT KILLING ALL OF THE ANTS. I’ve been in relationship ruts before (both with and without him), and I know we’ll get over the hump together. But some days it’s annoyingly difficult to put forth the effort with what feels like little return in excitement in the near future.

I feel stifled, unstimulated, unattractive, unchallenged and irrationally (excusably?) bitchy.

And BORED.

How did YOU get out of your relationship ruts?

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How do YOU plan on getting attention this summer? Don’t say sex.

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How do YOU plan on getting attention this summer? Don’t say sex.

Dating. I’ve heard my fair share of advice. I’ve also given tons of it in return (hey, what are dating & relationship blogs for?!). I’ve rarely listened, of course — to my own, even.

But I realize that not everyone is as confident as “breaking the rules” of dating as I may be — who makes the stupid rules, really — that, and the course of dating can often change even when you’re IN a relationship. Dating doesn’t stop when you’re in a lifetime partnership. And frankly, I think remembering the reasons why we DID get the attention of our significant others is important — BECAUSE YOU MUST STAND OUT! Be memorable or be forgettable. You must keep things open, interesting, challenging, spontaneous in order to keep attention on you. Sure, the thought may be exhausting. But don’t you think that a partnership built on love is worth it?

(Note to boyfriend: just because we’re together and you have “yard work” now, does not mean you should embrace dirty fingernails. Allow me to give you the number of my manicurist.)

So, how do you intend to stand out from every other girl and get him to notice you this Summer? Clean fingernails, for one.

But Rori Rayes, trained and recognized relationship coach, has some of her own advice:

Some of Rori’s Relationship Tips:

  • Be strong on the inside; soft on the outside: confidence with who you are meets “melty marshmallow.” Translated: don’t be afraid to let someone love you. Don’t let your fears cripple you. Don’t shut down your hearts. And don’t be angry. Mmmm… marshmallows.
  • Fall in love with YOURSELF, first. Love yourself through your mistakes. Or or despite them.
  • Don’t attempt to figure out what’s going on in a relationship after one date. No. You will wait 8 months to finally give him your number to see if he’s still interested. I kid, I kid…
  • And stop trying to analyze what a man is saying. This will never change no matter your relationship status; learn this lesson now.

She adds, her “wrong roads to love” as being: 1) physical: don’t get caught up in the “who’s the most provocative or sexy?” competition that women play with one another for company; 2) mental: the core values of honesty and caring — and that you want a relationship — are important, but likes/dislikes are not; 3) spiritual: be nice, and be kind, but stop making excuses for him. Take-away: being a “reasonable” woman is not the way to go.

The emotional road is the only right path to get a man’s attention. The key is to tap into your emotions and share them. Connect with him emotionally & be ok with him opening up with you. Don’t shit bricks if you see him emotional.

I think this is as good advice as any to follow — loving yourself, being the most important thing to remember. And stop the competition already! Ew. Not sexy. How do you feel about Rori’s ways to get his attention: honest, good advice?

Rori teaches specific things you can do to raise your self-esteem that will make you irresistible to a man. To learn more subscribe to her free relationship advice e-newsletter. You’ll learn a whole new way of relating to men that will make you feel better about yourself while you find the relationship of your dreams.

{disclaimer: this review has been sponsored and compensated as part of the Single Edition network}

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{conversations with the boyfriend} home decorating

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A conversation started about our yearly neighborhood yard sale — which I cannot attend this weekend due to work and derby, but the boyfriend intends to troll early for “the good stuff.” I’m particularly looking to add some old house stuff into our decor for some character.

Me: You know what I like, right?
Boyfriend: No. I see you pick out weird stuff, and I’m all wtf?! But then you put it somewhere, and it looks nice.

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{conversations with the boyfriend} Relationship maintenance

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Me (after dying my hair): Fixed it!
AB: Fixed what?
Me: my hair!
AB: what’d you do?
Me (now brunette): um… I was blonde when I went upstairs.
AB: …
AB: I’m never good at this.

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I think we need a bigger coffee pot.

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I think we need a bigger coffee pot.

Are you a coffee drinker? Can you date a non-coffee drinker?

This important issue is oftentimes a non-negotiable in relationships — a divisive and significant offense to us, the coffee-drinking souls of the dating world… and the purpose behind the fourth chapter of my never-to-be-finished book: “Never Trust a Guy Who Doesn’t Drink Coffee.” AB & I were on opposite sides of the caffeinated spectrum. But he, non-coffee drinker, purchased a pot for his apartment when we started dating and having sleepovers. That was the only way it would work.

Alas, THE BOYFRIEND IS DRINKING COFFEE!

Evidence: a CAPPUCCINO!

He seriously went from “I like drinking a few Dr Peppers a month” to “I NEED COFFEE EVERY DAY TO FUNCTION!” in a matter of weeks. With only a touch of cream-and-sugar, that risk taker! I imagine he now “gets” my nonfunctioning personality tendencies in the mornings. Obviously, I can finally trust him, now that he’s shunned his non-caffeinated days.

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