Mel

I’m trying hard to not play the Roman God of Calendars

By ways-and-means of text messaging and drunk dialing and pompousness, I had my entire inner circle convinced that next weekend was Memorial Day. Good thing I didn’t buy that ticket to Mexico. My dear, dear child… please put down the phone. First response: i asked around, guys thought I was new or something Another text response: uh, memorial day is the last weekend in may… you crack me...

Mel

Next time, I’ll brown bag it

I had a lunch date………………… Yeah, that great. I have a really huge pet peeve: people that eat off my plate uninvited and unannounced. Now, I have been to dinners where I suggest you take a piece after I separate it from the rest of what I’m eating or someone elegantly takes my fork to try a bite of his meal… but NEVER, ever would I just grab food from...

Mel

Operation Cop Stop

In recent observation… well, that cop stopped in to my workplace… just as he said he would when he returned to his day shift.

Mel

In case you missed it

Taking in a (disappointing) U2 concert this past Saturday, en route took notice at the change of signs on my way to the Arena. In case you missed the memo that The Quicken Loans Arena has a clever nickname, signs point to: The Q. (Oh, and the logo on the building sucks ass.) Someone from out of town asked where the concert was, and in an embarrassing-yet-necessary omission, stated, “Where the Cavs...

Mel

People are strange, but I may be stranger.

There was this guy at Diana’s restaurant Sunday night in Lakewood. He walked in with sunglasses on — the funky rainbow-mirrored ones, by means of giving you the best visual possible — and it was 3am. He sat and be-bopped in this booth for another hour or two… he played with the plant hanging from the ceiling… I wondered for a second if he had some sort of Virtual Reality...

Mel

Bum Rush

I would’ve chalked it up to being drunk, if I didn’t have two other people with me that heard it: Bum (on W.6th): Hey, Mel! What’s up? How the FUCK did some homeless man know my name? Again, if I were alone, I’d be standing there dumbfounded thinking he were some street prophet. Oh wise one, do tell… Meanwhile, I was heading down to Panini’s for my usual grease &...

Mel

Note Taken

Yesterday was a classic “Ladies’ Day” at a friends house in Westlake. The girls started talk about bad dates, bad relationships, among other dating adventures. Things I learned (and men should know): 1. Men, use gum. Your breath stinks. Duly noted from about 5 girls on bad blind dates. 2. If a girl goes to the bathroom for more than 20 minutes, it’s a good sign that the date’s...

Mel

Traffic Stop!

This will be the absolutely LAST time I walk into this god-forsaken nightclub! I just wanted to hear different music (and by different, I don’t mean a 16-minute Whitney Houston dance remix). After traipsing through W. 6th for a blah night, we made a stop in because of some Victoria Secret’s Fashion Show. Yeah, $10/person cover on a Thursday night, whatever. We paid the shitty entry fee, walked...

Mel

Weekend Wrap-Up

This weekend, my beau “Zoolander” and I took a short get-away to Peek’n Peak for the end of ski season. Zoolander took me to his workplace holiday party recently, and I won the trip, ultimately from a double-down hand at Blackjack. The prizes were really ticket raffles, being that you won tickets instead of money, but this was my winner. Did I mention how I always win the raffle prizes?...

Mel

The Waiting Game

Something I never understood about dating: the wait. The wait to see if he will call. The wait to see if he will reply to your email. The wait to see if he shows up. The wait for the fucking ring… Jesus Christ! Why can’t a man show some enthusiasm every once in a while instead of having to follow through on some stupid “rule?” I hope men realize that when you keep a lady waiting, she...

Mel

Worst City to Live

1. Cleveland – The obvious choice for worst city to live in is Cleveland. Not so much because of the lack of culture. Nor is it the lack of a thriving night life. And it is not the constant economic pall that looms over the city. What really makes Cleveland the worst city in all of America is the fact that it shares many of these qualities with other cities – such as its Ohio Twin, Toledo...