Can’t date a girl that gets drunker than me!

Had a mildly low-key Friday night. I cancelled my date, but for my one-and-only Mr. Big Pants. He tore his ACL and being that I only have partial-visitation-rights custody, drove out to present him with some cookies (he loves the doggie-friendly fake-choco flavored ones!) and a stuffed corn-on-the-cob (it squeeks!). We should find out next week if he needs surgery to repair. So, I got to hang with the dog (and the ex) with some pizza, beer, wings and a couple movies in the new theater he (he, the ex, not the dog) just built. I know it lifted the puppers spirits having me there. LOVED the movie “Elizabethtown” but it just motivated me to go on another road trip… like I’d be that crazy again. I think in five years, I’ll take the northwest tour from Cleveland-to-Seattle. I assume by then, I may have recovered from the Cleveland-to-Phoenix (and back-to-Cleveland!) trip of last year.

My Saturday night, in no particular order:

Malloy’s circa 6pm – 25-cent wing night and $3 22-oz domestic drafts. Appropriate for their “fat guy” weekends promotion. Apparently they have reintroduced the “ladies night” verbage into their Wednesday nights again, but to be politically effed-up, added the disclaimer for guys too! The garage doors should’ve been open! Will THEY be broadcasting Tribe games? Watched like 3 people run into the extremely-out-of-place lighted palm trees on the patio — one was the ditzy waitress (“She must be new.”). There was a creepy cardboard cut-out of a beer-promo chick in the middle of the display. Sweet, where I sat, I got to stare at her ass all night.

Pug Mahone’s, somewhere in between the hours of 8 and 9pm – took a couple drinks to see if this blue-shirted guy playing darts — with another hottie with a white hat — was someone that chatted with us at Merry Arts during Steelers season. (It was — and he remembered my name, but never came over to say hello!). He bet some chick a free week of gas that he did, in fact, know us. She approached and asked… I joined her baseball league for the bar in the Lakewood Womens League. Great, now I’ll get my ass beat every Monday and Thursday. The guy won the bet. Oooh, are those free cookies?!

What nice spring-like night would be complete without a walk past my old apartment on Webb Rd. – Nobody’s home. I just wanted to see if I had any mail there. We walked all over the west end of Lakewood… and I don’t even live in Lakewood. There were plenty of groups taking to the streets tonight. One reason in particular I miss living in Lakewood. I had the opportunity to rent a lower unit of a double right behind Kenilworth (was I nuts!?)… and I move to Rocky River.

McCarthy’s – Breakfast Club performed to a very weird vibe of a crowd. Normally I appreciate a good sausage fest. Couple drinks later, we were antsy to get outside again. Where do we end up?

Lakewood Lanes/Kenilworth – scary. Everyone looked scary sober. Just scary. Some random (that oddly enough lives across the street from my old Webb address) suggested “Put-in-Bay” night at the K-hole bowling alley. There was a small boat in the bar. I was hoping at least for a guest appearence from Pat Dailey. Again, scary… and I was already drunk enough to realize.

Took another walk back towards McCarthy’s location, ended up hopping in D-apostrophe-A’s car at the 237 intersection and went towards the Madison bars.

Upon entry of Lakewood Village Tavern, I was already exhausted — apparently same goes for my sidekick for the evening. It was 11. That’s what happens when you’re so anxious to get out of the house by 6 because of the weather.

Giant Eagle at midnight. SGWI = Shopping for Groceries While Intoxicated: Doritos (one Taco, one Cool Ranch), Honeycomb (and skim milk), eggs, hairdye, eyeliner, coffee (thank Gosh! I was out for Sunday Morning Paper Reading time!), Two bags shredded cheese, Polska Kielbasa.

Apparently I had something in mind for a late-night snack. I even used coupons. I ended up making some Bagel Bites I already had in the freezer. Ooh, 20-cent Fuel Perks discount! One task I cross off my Sunday To-Do List. And you know what else, first my Doritos claim “new look – same great taste” (uh, no) and NOW my Honeycomb is all fucked up. The components more resemble a warped Waffle Crisp than a Honeycomb. C’mon! You can’t even see through the pieces anymore! What happenend to the light airy pieces of corn? Ugh, and they totally get too soggy too fast. And I think somewhere they decided to stop adding sugar. I feel as if I’m eating a soggy Lucky Charm with no marshmallows or freakishly-colored milk. Regardless, the box will be empty by the time Meredith Gray begins her motivational/emotional/completely appropriate/life philosophizing end-quote.

I also added to my St. Patty’s Day outfit with a green bathrobe from Big Lots. I intend to decorate it with something witty and gold and glittery. It all sounded like a good idea with a couple drinks in me. Seeing as temperatures may only be in the 30′s, not sure how the ensemble will work. Good thing I’ll have someone keeping me warm: Rhymes with “Zincinnati.”

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