Life, Liberty & Pursuit Of Your Boyfriend

Enough of being nice, right? Lucky for you, I have a few that I need to call out from my Halloween weekend. On with the hootchie Halloween pics and douchebags!

First, this night:

Bier Markt was quite fun. Until this random (undressed) douche came up and started talking to the three of us. I wandered away looking for my pumpkin from the other night (LINK). First, some bitch surrounded by a gaggle of ass munches (read: men) rolled her eyes at me because I said — wait for it… “Excuse me” — because the pumpkin was behind her.

My friend, awesomely in tune with awful behavior, retorts, “You’re already beautiful. There’s no reason for you to be a bitch too.” Again, I just wanted to show my friends my hilarious creation. Nobody — even the douchie male whores — was impressed. I am. Fuck off.

Fast track, back to conversation and drinks with my friends, the previous undressed douche that I was (not) talking to, came up close into my face, all “How Dare You” attitude because, well, HE WAS TALKING TO ME AND I WALKED AWAY. First off, I remember making fun of him because he looked like an ASS at a COSTUME party, being dressed, as well, a DOUCHE. Wait, maybe that was a good costume. Moving on…

And then he stuck around staring at our snarky, shocked faces, and said, “I thought you were nice… guess not.” What the fuck? I wouldn’t expect that kind of stern-talking-to coming out of a guy I dated for six years, let alone an un-costumed asshat whom I didn’t even feign interest. That guy had some serious control issues. Nooooo thank you.

Later on that evening, here:

I took this swell picture because it took me until walking home to finally find an “Adam.” While you see here that “Adam” Is nowhere near my age or type, I found it funny enough to take a snapshot.

Then I see “The Other Eve.”

Apparently, she was left with cab-picking duty, seeing as how she was half in the street, but she scowled at me something reminiscent of, “Fuck you, bitch.” I apologized to her, as my only intentions were hilarious and good. But now, FUCK YOU, BITCH. Here’s your douchebg-boyfriend-by-association.

In this city, on Halloween (dressed like a hootchie) you can no longer be nice, disinterested or apparently, take pictures of costumed folk. What-the-fuck ever, people. I got some chill pills for y’all.