Be good or be gone!

*sigh*

I have a new neighbor.

I met my new upstairs renter two nights ago. The condo is owned by some douche that normally rents the place to the not-so-wanted type of neighbor, so I automatically have reservations when I hear someone creaking around on the floor in Number 3. Oh, GOD, it’s bad. The place has been fairly silent for the last few months, after almost two-and-a-half years of shit. Oooh, let me tell!

When I first moved in, I had what seemed to be a nice mid-40s couple occupying the second floor. Within six months, said female counterpart/wife/baby-momma was throwing Asshole’s stuff out of the apartment into the front lawn… including a TV (which ended up being smashed somewhere near the sidewalk, that wasn’t cleaned up for nearly a month). I loved said incident happened while I had an out-of-town guest with me, with all the windows open. It was raining pants, Playstations and Nikes. Srsly. I remember him walking away with his belongings in a grocery cart towards Center Ridge Road. She was gone shortly thereafter.

Then, Rowdy #2 (mid-30s) moved in, who also loved his gaming systems. So much that I would hear race cars, shoot-em-ups and Blinky (for all I know) until all hours into the night. When I came home last year on New Year’s Day (after an exhaustive three-state Christmas-to-New-Year’s traveling thang), I just wanted to sleep. Nope. R2 and some another Fucktard starting fighting EACH OTHER instead of their game. I heard things crashing into the floor, breaking… then screams. I finally put on headphones, blocked it and passed out. I had full intention to complain to my association, but it sort of took care of itself.

Next morning, another neighbor questions my whereabouts during the big Throw Down. I was in my bed, and apparently the cops had attempted to question me, since I was directly below. Awesome, slept through it. Seems R2 and F-t got into a knife fight. Yes, it started in the condo, then continued all the way down the stairs. And yes, there was blood everywhere. Blood that was not cleaned up for another 2-3 weeks. Oh, and he left a cat. The cat remained for another couple weeks, until his “boss” showed up to clean all the stuff out of the place (yes, big screen TV). Dude is sitting in jail for a while.

Just a few months ago, some chick (also, probably around mid-30s and very bitchy) took up residence. Thankfully, she was quiet. Oddly enough, she was gone within three months. There was an awesome passive-aggressive note on the door and entry one day, proclaiming her “TRESPASSING” and to call police if she returned. I’m only assuming she was evicted.

So, “Dee” knocked on my door last night, asking for info on how to hook up cable (I don’t have cable). No sooner did that question come out of her mouth, did I regret the day she moved in.

She blasted her TV at louder than full volume ALL NIGHT LONG. It was louder than my TV. I had to sleep with a pillow over my head, it was so god-awful. I cannot believe I’m going through this shit again. I mean, I was graciously thinking, “Yeah, senior citizen — continued quiet!”. I didn’t for a second think, “Senior Citizen! Needs to have TV louder!”

I guess she got her cable to work.

That is what happens — you spoil yourself with peace and quiet, then bat-shit (me) comes out with the broomsticks. She had me up watching news at 5 a.m. (HER TV GOT FUCKING LOUDER… but thank you, I had to pee and decided I needed to finish the Cap’n Crunch, with berries, duh!). Day one, and I already want to knock on doors or ceilings at unbelievable hours.

This is why, once again, I am considering selling and moving. Seriously, I live in Rocky River. I would expect this shit back home in Ashtabula or living in the Warehouse District, not in Suburban Soccer-mom Land. Therefore, New Plan is to place my condo back on the market.

I may actually consider moving before it sells. I mean, if I want urbanized living, I’d rather hear “city” sounds, not reruns of Cagney & Lacey.

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