All my exes live in Texas… er, Cleveland

I can’t cut the string to my exes. For whatever subconscious reason, I keep them around. I call and check on them once-in-a-while, send a random text message to assure “I-still-think-about-you,” try to squeeze in some drunken ex-sex, casually stroll into the corner bar I know they hang out, and if workplaces weren’t so private (and you didn’t work from home), I’m sure I would make a sales call.

I can’t figure out the emotional attachment to the old. Is it comfort? Is there still a shred of “maybe-things-will-work-out” feelings? Do I want to destroy them into eight-million pieces as they have done to me? Or do I put myself into a position where I care so much about another human being that it truly never goes away.

There’s something to be said for having myself so emotionally involved in my relationships. I have loved these people, respected them and trusted them (at one point-or-another). Why does that have to cease when the relationship grinds to a halt? I’ve got enough baggage to leave at 6 different airports across the intercontinental United States and still have enough to survive in the Greater Cleveland area.

I am mature enough to realize that we all have our exes. I am not so naive that you didn’t date/kiss/sex someone before me. I know that you will after “us” as well (and sometimes during). I also know when to let go. When you’ve found someone to change for. I too oft hear the famous “you-taught-me-how-to-be-a-better-boyfriend” speech and I can recognize when they’ve found someone to invest their time/effort in that makes them want to better themselves and the world around them. I move along, but still think of you. I have exes that I’ve revisted at several different terminals. Past tense would give the impression it never really works the second/third/eigth time around. I’ve heard of “blast-from-the-pasts” rekindling with great success. I haven’t had the same experience. I have the motivation to move past the problems of the relationship rather than solving turmoil before the initial second-first date. Then, there is also the causation of timing — which, mine is always way off. I haven’t yet had the opportunity to hear through gossip columns that my ex has eloped this past weekend in Bora Bora. And if you’re asking, it would probably set me back a few years…

When it comes down to it, am I really in pursuit of your boyfriend? Truth is, he was never truly yours to begin with.

No related posts.

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.