A hug will do

Yesterday was a horrible day.  Nay, the week has been pretty horrible. And more than just because I missed your weekly dose of Penis Tuesday.

For good measure, I’ve stocked up Sleepytime Tea (new and improved and enhanced with Valerian) and it seems to be helping with my insomnia. And I have been in bed TIRED every night by 8 p.m. And waking up before 6 to get to work. At least I’ve got one resolution going for me.

Tuesday, I was at work before 7 a.m. And on my drive in, I totally wiped out driving up Cedar Hill. It took me a few weaves across four lanes to regain my traction… and well, I was FREAKED by the time I made it to work. There was no one here (obviously, who is crazy enough to work this early and that late, right). And I started to get upset because I was driving on anger from not being able to talk to my freaking boyfriend the night before. You know how imbecilic that sounds? But I was — I can’t help it.

By most standards, we have a long-distance relationship, and it’s comforting for me to get a Good Night Phone Call. And I didn’t get one. And I couldn’t reach him… which perpetuated into horrible nightmares about him. And well, it spiraled into anger the next morning, as most things do in my life when I don’t get what I want, or when I’m thrusted from a comfort zone.

And at the end of my work day yesterday, after succumbing to (useless) despair and anger, passive-aggressive-ness and ultimately, “not being human,” I just wanted a huge hug from my boyfriend. But unfortunately, that couldn’t happen. Even though he was less than an hour away and probably drove past my exit at some point. A day of stress that I ended up taking out on him, then apologizing for, then getting angry about again. I am not usually this needy (seriously), but I was completely overwhelmed by emotion and stress, and I feel at some level that everyone but my Grandmother and a handful of friends are there at moment’s notice anymore. I suppose HG & I are just not at “that point” yet. And whatever “that point” is… maybe I don’t know what the hell I’m talking about. But yeah, it felt incredibly lonely.

I made a (late) resolution this year to start telling people honestly how I feel, without putting up the walls and such. And to stop the passive-aggressive hinting at my being pissed or happy or just bored. I’ve been adjusting my personality for most of my adult life to appear as this strong, “unhuman” female, as to prevent myself from getting hurt. And well, that doesn’t really work either, seeing as how I am usually hurt anyway. So this year I have done a lot of crying, much to the chagrin of freaked-out individuals around me that aren’t used to that side of me.

Regardless, it was another reminder about how important daily communication between HG & I is. And how communicating that is becoming increasingly frustrating.

See? Big hug… I just need one. But I’ll take two, if offered.

In lighter news, I took HG to Bistro on Lincoln Park over the weekend for his birthday. This restaurant? You MUST go! The food was incredible. The service was perfection. There are 20 bottles of wine priced at $20. AND the website is freaking adorable.

For starters, the pommes frites rival Bar Cento’s (seriously). I had the duck salad — which had nuts (omg, this I love) and Roquefort cheese. The duck prosciutto melted in my mouth. For dinner, I had the Ratatouille Ravioli and HG had the Duck Confit. There was no room really for desserts.

But definitely room for a good whiskey sour and moscow mule at the Velvet Tango Room.

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