*blue balls not included.
I love my man whore. But after scrolling through his recommended gift guide, shit, he has, ahem, “expensive taste.” He’s a high maintenance ho! I mean that in the most affectionate way, of course. So, if you still do not know your man well enough for gift-giving practices (perhaps you should not look at this list because you should DEFINITELY not be spending this much on him), take a look at some high-tech, super geeky, yet refined selections, courtesy of the #1 Man Whore of my heart, AB:
LG BD390 I used to memorize my cell phone model numbers. I can vaguely recall program versions and updates — on a clear day what processor I’m using. Now I’m all “iPhone” and “MacBook.” Yet, I looked at this alpha-numeric item a couple times, and I still have no clue of its use, outside of streaming Netflix. And some Blu-ray, wifi BS, and that is only because it was originally stated as such in his email to me. So, yeah, men like cool gadgetry shit for the TV setup. But Boxee boxes don’t ship until Spring.
Nikon D3000 digital SLR
I’ve decided I want a really good camera too. I’ve been fluctuating between wanting a vintage or a digital SLR, so we could both use this one. Then, once we get our house, I can set up a dark room in the basement, and acquire bunches of cool, vintage photography development shit. Wouldn’t that be sweet. Homemade naked shots of hot neighbors. In black-and-white, of course.
The new iMac A computer for the apartment that already houses six laptops. With no desk. Or an office space. Yeah, maybe next year. You know, when we can reassemble your office chair that we’ve hidden in the “furnace closet.”
Glenrothes single barrel 1967 vintage Vintage beers, whiskeys, scotches, beers are an awesome gift. Noted. And by that, I mean, ladies, pay attention to your man’s distinguished drinking habits. You can get him drunk, and take advantage of him. Like a good girl on Santa’s list.
Canon Vixia HF10 Digital Camcorder I’m certain there’s a perverted purpose for this… I’m in. Duh.
TomTom GO 740 Live
What’s that about men and asking for directions? No more fights on road trips. Well, unless you date someone completely unhinged, as I have.
2010 Demotivator Calendar This cracked my shit up. But seriously, if your man in even the tiniest sort of way hints at daily laziness, this might not be the gift for him. Otherwise, de-motivate away!
Nostalgia Electrics Kegorator Beer Keg Fridge Um, I think we already have one of these? You need one in black? Make sure it matches the appliances. I think I’m drunk. Or maybe he is…
ORB Audio the “People’s Choice” Mod4 Speaker System Speakers are cool. We seem to have a lot of them around the apartment. Ones that don’t work. Perhaps I should have thought of a solution before gift-giving season. Dammit.
Nice Collective – Wells Coat (or anything at Brigade) I love my boyfriend in this shit. Cleveland-local shop Brigade is obviously not a place for your man if he wears Starter jackets. Or team gear on a daily basis. They ARE good for remembering your man and all his measurements and sizes (and general likes & dislikes) if by some chance you come across a “perfect” label item. They sell cool shit. This year, we fulfilled our closet addictions by shopping (and saving!) for ourselves the day after Thanksgiving. His three-piece pin-striped suit is fucking hot. In a very “Mentalist” sort of way. Mmmm.
A selection from the Bunny Ranch MenuYEEEEAHHH. That’s my man. Whipped Cream Party sounds like a good time. Note to self: buy some Redi-Whip and find a girlfriend for Valentine’s Day… and take pictures with my awesome vintage camera.
The last item (since he only gave me 11) was something I wish I would have thought about before I created shopping lists — a telescope. Living downtown (and being entirely too voyeuristic for only my set of boobies), this would be a great party piece for any bachelor pad. Imagine that close up on the naked drying-off girl across the alley! Or the boss-assistant combo up on floor 33 you’ve been dying to watch. Heh. Great fun for all of his friends. And, well, perverted girlfriends just the same. You know, until you move that into a furnace closet, and force all your 18 throw pillows onto his bed. Just don’t change the curtains.
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This blog is about pursuit: a transplanted Clevelander (me) in a new city (that's you, Pittsburgh!), pursuing the role of a self-employed copywriter, becoming a roller derby badass and somehow merging all my to-do items into one ever-growing Bucket List.
And of MY boyfriend. His blue balls started this mess.
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