Mel

PT: “She’s enjoying penis just a little bit more.”

Yes. He said that. I love accidental perverted slips from news anchors. The best about this clip? It was said in all...

Mel

Jesus Juice and Cocoa Butter

I do not drink the juice. Unless it is whipped cream vodka. Holy crap, that stuff is good. Too bad it’s a shitty brand because I would have loved more than one drink. Where to begin. Weekend weirdness. To say I was accosted by bible thumpers in Public Square between the bar and home on a Friday night is a gross overstatement, but for serious… This guy — thinking he was an everyday...

Mel

New Launch!

Check out the new Rohrer.com, just launched this week. Copywriting, courtesy of… me! I really enjoyed working with Rohrer Corp. — a great company with workers wholly passionate about what they do. I’m totally proud of the final copy, so I wanted to share this new piece of my portfolio with you.

Mel

PT: Handbag shopping

Most days I need a little help with my wardrobe. I have so many pieces in my closet, that it can be overwhelming to remember how to match those items together. So, I look to snazzy bloggers, fashion catalogs and an amazing iPhone app to shop my own closet for brilliant match-ups. I have to select my outfits in advance, otherwise I am a lost mess. Especially without coffee. This is why it is awesome that I...

Mel

Thoughts at two weeks.

How do normal people move to a new state having regular jobs? I’m exceptionally lucky that I can make my own hours around all the mundane crap I need to do while AB is, well, already living in Pittsburgh because all-holy-hell would break loose worse than it is, as I would have no time to do any of this shit otherwise. Let alone stress out about aforementioned shit. I haven’t had to take any...

Mel

We all have off days. Right?

When this is all said and done, I’ll likely need a mulligan on the entire month of August. And yesterday just plain sucked the life out of me. Again. What you may call “relaxed,” I consider a waste of space. Even for my boyfriend’s tiny, clammy leather bachelor sofa. Nothing accomplished. No drive. No motivation. I even lost two games of Words With Friends. And only a day after...

Mel

Adding to the Portfolio: my first Case Study

Putting the Foot Petals product on display –a Case Study for client, Rohrer Corp. Once I researched the format and understood the concept, this piece was actually a lot of fun to write.

Mel

PT: Peanut-buttered penis

I received an interesting lead to my blog from Google: excuse me, your cock is in my peanut butter. Of COURSE, I had to do the search to find its intended source. Aside from my own blog coming up on Page 2 (uh, awesome… I think) in the results, I came up with nothing of any value or merit (but a lot of porn quotes and disgusting things about dogs). Anyone have a clue? Is this a joke or a movie...

Mel

I was proud of my online dating profile. Even if it didn’t provide a shiny knight.

It’s been a while since I’ve required the services of an online dating service (thank GAWD). I had no personal success in their use, save for seeing several of my ex-boyfriends and reveling in their loser-dom, then crumpling in a sobbing ball of emotional breakdown, realizing that the same fate had been bestowed upon me. It was a sad, sad period of an extra 30 pounds, too many boxes of...

Mel

Um. Do you have a bag in your car?

Last Friday, we went down to Akron for a brown bag wine party. I normally stray away from weekend updates these days (because nearly everyone is blogging like this, and who am I to be JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE?), but this was a really fun party idea for, well, someone my age. Even if that “someone my age” pukes in her boyfriend’s car on the ride home. One of those brown bags would have...

Mel

PT: Another reason to QUIT SMOKING already!

Keeping with our anti-smoking theme this week, I present you an awesome PSA from the UK: Smoking shortens your penis | Viral/Other | SPIKE.com Smoking shortens your penis, boys. By as MUCH AS A CENTIMETER. Something to do with erections and blood flow, both of which you WILL NOT HAVE in your man parts due to the calcification of blood vessels. Smoking chokes *snicker* the penis by preventing...

Mel

Hook a ‘Burgher up?

It’s no secret that I’m moving to Pittsburgh. I’ve already visited a couple times this past year (dammit, missed out on the suite with the telescope though!) with AB, so I’m not completely ignorant of the area and its attractions. I mean, I already know that you all LOVE some fireworks. But I am a loser in that I want to fit in as much as I can as soon as possible without anyone...

Mel

Skate (b)log

I’m one week into Fresh Meat August, and I am so thrilled — no, seriously. I’ve been gushing like a mad person about roller derby. I’ve been pushing myself out of my comfort zones pretty fierce, so I’m aching like an old lady over here. But everything is getting better — including my speed and a total comfortability on my skates. I think I’ve finally mastered a...

Mel

You MUST remember important dates!

Celebrate. Celebrate. Dance to the muuuuu-sic. Today marks the TWO YEAR anniversary of my quitting smoking. TWO FREAKING YEARS. While it’s been well over a year that I’ve experienced any cravings, I thought for certain I would end up cheating on drunk nights. Nope. That is two full years of no social smoking, no stress smoking — no patches, gum or the like either. I am a quitter. And...

Mel

“You’re not wearing that shit in our home.”

Deciding which items come and go while packing for the move has been… fun. I’m just happy we have an actual storage cage IN the building for some of our excess shit like bikes and camping equipment and tailgating clothing. And the new kayaks. *wink* Seriously, Cleveland apartment managers, extra storage space for residents somewhere within an apartment building is something to consider during...

Mel

To keep your boyfriend, you must remain HOT. And so must the boyfriend.

Why do women in relationships let themselves go? I’ve been working out on average five days a week. I’m strong, I’m lean… I kick some roller derby ass. I need to amp up my cardio, which I’m sure will happen naturally, where with my three practices a week schedule with BRRG. My arms are tight, but I still need work on the belly. While I’m not giving up beer, I have...

Mel

Grieving Cleveland

My mood swings are out of control. One minute I am on top of the world in happiness, then I snap with any minute form of stress with frustration. The next, I am a weepy mess. I am so freaking sensitive. I’m naggingly asking my boyfriend is he’s “OK,” when in reality, it’s ME that is NOT OK. And this time, I cannot blame it on my birth control. I think I am in the midst of a...

Mel

PT: Photoshopping Penises

Online retailers are notorious for photoshopping models into alien-like proportions. Mostly, females end up with the waists of small school children and are seemingly missing six of their lower ribs. It’s a world of no thighs and interestingly-long necks. It’s more devious to the self image of women than Barbie. I thought that men got the short end of the shaft in catalog work. And then, I...

Mel

City Exploration: Boston!

Yes, I crossed off a Kick the Bucket list item with this vacation. Proudly… after 15 years. And no, we did NOT do the Duck Tour. I can do that shit in Pittsburgh. I really want to upload pictures, but you know, the whole sideways iPhone glitch annoys me to no end. I’ll won’t let that pesky problem delay the publishing of this post any longer. The first two nights, we stayed at the...

Mel

Goals are Goals are Goals. And meeting those is awesome.

Shortly after beginning the process to start my own writing business, I decided to finally take the leap and start training for roller derby. I considered it a few times over the last few years, but my social anxiety and time constraints with my prior career prevented that from happening. It’s an amazing thing, watching success unfold in more than one aspect of my life — what rewards you reap...