Mel

Oh, so serious, Mel!

How fucking serious am I when I’m blogging? Or, in the middle of still writing my vacation blogging posts — getting in every minute that I can. What’s that? You’re out of work, Mel & you have all the time in the world to be writing right now. Not quite. BTW, learning Mac shortcuts for use in lame-ass iSight is awesome. Look at me, I can take pictures of video from my web camera!...

Mel

If birds and bees are doing it — you should DEFINITELY do it!

No, not falling in love, romantic rashes — doing “it.” And by “it,” I mean, going to the Animal Attractions event at the Cleveland Zoo’s Rainforest! Next Thursday, February 4, join other animal, ahem… lovers from 6-9pm in a great event sponsoring the Cleveland Zoo Society. This adults-only adventure takes you behind-the-scenes, with the chance to see some animals...

Mel

Random things I’ve recently learned.

When big shit happens, I can maintain a fairly level head of the situation at hand and act accordingly. So, why does the “small stuff” still wreck havoc on my insides and provide endless amounts of stress? And why is flying STILL one of the most traumatic experiences for me ever? Never start a conversation with your significant other with the words, “We have a problem.” As I also...

Mel

Things to do while unemployed:

I could sit around and pick my nose, but I live downtown in an apartment ,walled in windows and the Hyatt temporary residents would point and laugh and remind me of my discretions at the lunch counter. *sigh* Perhaps I’ll have some Presto’s soup for lunch. Money Museum Zoo (free on Mondays) Coffee meetings Art Museum (always free) Downtown cemetery (my version of urban exploration, however...

Mel

PT: HUGE Books

FAIL Blog, the epic wiener of accidental penis gave me this last week: Upon further research, IT REALLY DOES EXIST! The book, rather, not-so-much on a man whose penis is SO HUGE it renders itself too useful for...

Mel

Hot Haitian Nights

Saturday night, join like-minded Clevelanders for a benefit to help rebuild Haiti. I met a fantastic woman, Inga, last night at gnoCLE* who is half-Haitian — and together with CLE Clothing & Speakeasy (the new swanky bar below Bier Markt) — has scheduled a fundraiser for the recent earthquake victims. With a suggested donation of $10 — as well as additional ways to donate at the event...

Mel

Unemployment

Being without a job doesn’t terrify me — I know already the multitude of opportunities at my fingertips. I have plenty of blog posts that need written… What I dislike is being mostly dependent on someone else. HATE, in fact. What I am though, is incredibly grateful and lucky to *have* that “someone else” in whom to rely. Soon enough, I will again be working a regular full-time...

Mel

New responsibilities…

On top of experiencing a somewhat spirited/hectic week, AB & I added a little bugger to our household: Finally, someone (else) to kill the spiders! Now, I make no promises that this won’t turn into some thwarted version of a Kitty-Blogger Blog, albeit amidst complaints that the fucking cat is a nocturnal wench. I guess “bastard” is more appropriate here, since he’s a he. Night...

Mel

Cleveland Lust Survey

Cleveland Scene Magazine posted a survey to learn all about your sexy, sexy time (and the people within it). Dare to answer honestly? I’m super curious as to how other Clevelanders would respond, especially to the “cheating” question. Oh, Scene… just make me a judge already. There are prizes for awesome answers — but NOBODY will be identified in print or online, so pay no mind...

Mel

Poop & Rally!

Day two in Tampa. It’s still freaking cold. I’m beyond feeling breakfast, and feeling the need for a big sandwich. Before heading off for vacation, I looked up a few restaurants and places to go while visiting Tampa. One of those places was Datz Delicatessen and Foodie’s Market (and Loft Bar). Oh, the irony upon opening the complimentary local paper in the hotel room and finding it also...

Mel

Ohh-Kay!

First things first, I have a rough time flying. As much as I attempt to think logically about the statistics and what-not, I am a balled up mess of anxiety (so balled that Xanax DOES NOT WORK). But I have a system: ALCOHOL. It is the only thing that allows me to function and not flip the fuck out. So, when I arrive at the airport, I typically have a tall Sam Adams and a shot of Jack Daniels (two if I made...

Mel

Come to room E84. TRBX!

While I pace myself writing about the fantastic music and artists on The Rock Boat, I figured it’s been a week, so time to sum up the vacation itself. BUT THERE ARE NO WORDS! No question, this is one of the coolest and most fun vacations ever planned. You know, without all that shitty weather. I met so many awesome girls, AB & I had an absolute blast and um, drinking and eating (albeit rather...

Mel

PT: Holiday Splash

Canadian reader “Tiger Lily” submitted this penile gem: Holiday Splash! Sometimes, there are no words. Only pictures. And in the case of this picture, get out your red pens for another installment of “Find the Penis!” I mean, I knew that Canadians were more liberal… but in the...

Mel

January does a good job in ending quickly. Pseh!

I cannot believe it’s past the mid-point of January. Week-long vacations have a way of taking a big ass chunk out of the month. Another vacation, another year of not dying from alcohol poisoning. Both our road trip to Indiana for New Year’s Eve and our vacation on The Rock Boat were fantastic. Now, it’s January, and we’re in the throes of house shopping and cat adoption and general...

Mel

Back, bitches!

Well, hello ladies and germs. I have returned from the cold, choppy seas of Tampa/Cozumel. With no tan. Not even a new age spot or cleavage wrinkle because we experienced perhaps twelve minutes of sunshine.  I ever expected to wear my Cleveland WINTER gloves to a concert on the Lido Deck of a Carnival Cruise. For serious. But in all other bad-assedness, this vacation was by far one of the most fun,...

Mel

Rolling, rolling, rolling.

Today’s guest post is from my dear, dear friend, Kent Smith. Sir Smith is here today to rave about Cleveland’s own Burning River Roller Girls. I swear to you, I will grow a set of balls this year to actually try out next season. I even have two potential nicknames selected — obviously not family friendly… so I might have to change ‘em. Although I still love the name Pat...

Mel

CLEVELAND, LAS VEGAS

One friend leaves, and another comes back! Dott-O is back in The Cleve! While we had a Missed Connection when I visited Vegas, I’m super-excited about her (semi) permanent reinstallation The Steel Ovaries Happy Hour back home. Truly. And it’s always uber-awesome for a (re)addition to the local arts...

Mel

Friends, I will remember you… (Guest Post)

With great sadness, I introduce soon-to-be-former Clevelander, Cleveland Caper. *sigh* We just started to be what would be a really good friendship… with karaoke nights to be scheduled. She asks for suggestions… for WHAT? Well, you have to read until the rest of her post. But of course, the answer to any question is always: MORE LESBIANS. Duh. I need some sort of mantra for 2010. I’ll...

Mel

Top Posts of 2009

Ah, the memories… Enjoy these 10 “Best of…” posts from 2009, while I’m on The Rock Boat to Cozumel (yes, I’m rubbing it in again, Cleveland): 1. Things to do when Suddenly Single 2. Cleveland+ Elevator Pitch 3. I get fucked over? You get lucky! 4. Samoas. Trefoils. Lent. Giving up cookies and more. 5. I’m writing this post in my best bitch. 6. How to lose 600...

Mel

TMI Thursday – Guest post!

Today’s guest post is beyond awesome. I laughed so hard I nearly peed myself. I’ve never done a TMI Thursday post — mostly because I don’t regularly speak about my own sex life. Perhaps I should start, save only for hilarious stories as posted below. Anywho, TMI Thursdays are a day we share a bit too much information — kinda like what I do with Penis Tuesday, but horrifyingly...