Mel

Y2K OMFG OU812 2HOT4U

The end of the decade is coming. How fucked up is that? TEN FREAKING YEARS have passed. “Since when?” you ask. Since our planet almost self-destructed and we couldn’t tell anyone on Facebook. Ten years is all relative to whom you’ve fucked or fucked over, but really… 15 years since I left Farmtown Inner-city A-town. Thank GOD all THOSE people were left behind in Senior Last...

Mel

The Rock Boat (and vacation) is mere WEEKS away!

And I promise I’ll come home with a tan!

Mel

PT: Gift Guide

While the post office and UPS dictate it is far too late for potential online presents to invade your body cavities for the naughty holiday known as Christmas, if you order today, you and partner can spread some… ahem, “joy” next Tuesday. You know, the only truly important day of the week. Behind getting laid every day, OF COURSE. Some gift tips. And just the tip: Women love candles....

Mel

Everyone in Cleveland owns a black wool coat.

Bundling up for a chilly, long Friday out in Cleveland, I buttoned up my black wool coat after work, and headed west to Fatheads to meet AB & his work peeps. I drank a beer called something like Monkey Nuts. Seriously. After moving the desk (previously mentioned in this post) into my condo in River (for temporary storage), we pulled up a couple bar stools, stacked our black wool coats on the...

Mel

Funniest. Thing. EVER.

AB and I stopped into the amazing Flower Child today for a bit of gift giving inspiration (and of course, wanting to buy every houseware item in the store; AB wants a bongo, but knows why he cannot have one). I could browse the vintage ornament collection for hours — and I will depending on how long the decorations remain up after the holidays — his attention span was not as great as mine. And...

Mel

YOU may be a stalker. But I am not.

In a weird twist of randomness, I purchased a vintage desk online to eventually refinish into a bedroom vanity (you know, when a second bedroom exists in my life, and I have room for sanding and paint fumes). That in itself is not random (OK, perhaps if you didn’t realize I like vintage furniture it may be, so there you go), but the LOCATION of the pickup was random. When Cool Seller (who read my...

Mel

I dream about cookies. Crumbly bits.

Eternally* I will wonder if there were truly cookie crumbs down my top while I slept. I vaguely recall a mid-slumber freakout of “something” crawling around in my cleavage. Dream? Coincidence that I baked new cookies? One can never be too certain. *By eternal, I mean, next Spring, when I decide to finally vacuum because there are now ANTS in the bed. Although I did dream vividly about Drug Mart...

Mel

PT: Giveaway Winner(s)!

With 7 contestants, chances were good for winning one of these bad boy parts. Thanks to everyone who entered (and to those many, many more who read, but were too embarrassed to comment and win). Now, using Random.org, this FREAKED ME OUT. Why? Because the random numbers were 2, 1, 6 — Cleveland’s own area code. For SERIOUS. Without further premature ejaculation, ClevelandPoet, alana &...

Mel

What’s new?

I caught up with my ex — The Fiance — yesterday. And no, it’s not some big secret that we conversed. AB knows we’re friends. “What’s new?” he asked, in request of status from our last conversation a couple of months ago. Everything is JUST as fantastic as the last time we spoke – downtown living arrangements, permanent awesome boyfriend placement, upcoming ...

Mel

A (high maintenance) gift guide to your man whore.

I love my man whore. But after scrolling through his recommended gift guide, shit, he has, ahem, “expensive taste.” He’s a high maintenance ho! I mean that in the most affectionate way, of course. So, if you still do not know your man well enough for gift-giving practices (perhaps you should not look at this list because you should DEFINITELY not be spending this much on him), take a look...

Mel

Weekend update

Thanks to the wonderful suggestion of the one-and-only Cleveland Bachelor in finally getting my ass over to Cinematheque (where I thought I’ve been before, but perhaps not) to see “We Live in Public” on Friday night. It was a fantastic documentary about Josh Harris — a man who should be familiar, but unfortunately is not. So, if you like social media, history on the beginnings of...

Mel

Crazy Facebook Chick

Something very strange happened. Facebook, natch. There was some chick on my friend’s list, who I do not remember adding, who was obviously unfamiliar, and she messaged me through the site last week, notifying me of her pregnancy. I started with a “Yay! Congrats!” while I quickly tried to figure out who she was. I see we are connected through another good friend of mine, and dismiss it...

Mel

Penis Tuesday

Today’s Penis Tuesday is extra creamy. We have ourselves a fabulous Holiday Penis Tuesday Giveaway! Princess Patti contacted me about her fun handmade items being sold on etsy (remember, the awesome handmade website I mentioned in my Gift Guide?), and I have been cracking up endlessly as result. I swear she and I were cut from the same sperm. The penises come (heh) in nude, as well as colors (and...

Mel

One month away.

You peeps might be excited for the upcoming holidays, but I’m looking two weeks past that to my annual week of vacation. Yes, I almost always use up my week of vacation at the beginning of the year… This year: Rock Boat X – from Tampa to Cozumel. AB invited me to share in his annual TRB experience. I haven’t been on a cruise since 2003, nor have I even taken a “warm...

Mel

Mel’s 12 Days of Christmas Gifts Guide for your Lady Friends

I’ve been asked for ideas* for holiday presents this season for females**, so sing along with me***: On the first day of Christmas my boyfriend bought for me Murad Hydrating Toner… *cough* or Mineralize MAC shadow! Boys, raid your ladies’ medicine cabinets and see which of her favorite products are running low. Bonus: sparkly shadows are make-up bag pleasers, and the MAC shadow suggested...

Mel

Beauty Charity Event

As I mentioned in my previous post, All Lacquered Up invited a group of local bloggers over to “buy” her excess beauty products, thereby donating all the proceeds to Dress for Success Cleveland. Boy oh boy, did she have a lot of shit. My dream Christmas morning ensued… you know, without all that pesky wrapping paper Here’s what I picked up: - Murad (acne) concealer - Murad (vitalic)...

Mel

The spirit of giving (and not just presents)

The last two nights have been wonderfully good-hearted and spirited. Thanks to a charity beauty event hosted by blogger pal All Lacquered Up, a few of us friends and bloggers were able to contribute to a good cause — all in the name of discounted beauty products. Our event raised over $700 for Dress for Success. Much awesomeness. More on my cool schwag in my next post. This blogger world is such a...

Mel

Maybe the (Pittsburgh) kids will give you reason this season.

A holiday donation request, from (me and) one of my favorite (and funniest) girls on my blogroll, Virginia of That’s Church. Yes, she is from Pittsburgh, but don’t we all have some crazy Uncle who lives there or didn’t we grow up Half a Steelers fan… (For, wha?!) and technically, Pittsburgh it taking over our city, where with the PNC takeover and the opening of Fatheads Brewery. ...

Mel

Milk causes impotence?

OK, I suppose I shouldn’t be shocked to see this Santa Claus ad coming from PETA, but — wow! Heh… coming. So, we got poor lil’ Santa not able to get it up because the kiddies put out cow’s milk. Um, I think it’s safe to say that Santa should probably remain “unarmed” while delivering his goods to strangers’ homes. Especially with the little kids...

Mel

Penis Tuesday

Still feeling stuffed? Well, it’s high time you pull that fist out and join the rest of the party. How about some refried beans and… penis for your entertaining pleasure? And of course, there’s beer. Even better is the double entendre of the caption behind the caption: “Men say their partners have positive influence on their diet.” I’m sure there is no connection to...