Mel

Experienced Writer Available: Escrow & Title / Real Estate Industry

In addition to freelance work, I have worked in the real estate & development industry for almost eight years, spending the last five in the title insurance and escrow sector. If you are looking for any PR, copyrighting or blog posts for your company (do you have yet to create a blog? I can assist with that as well!), relative to this industry, please contact me: melinda.c.urick (at) gmail (dot) com.

Mel

Pumpkin Porn

This is the first year I have actual pumpkin innards for all my yummy baking recipes. AB also baked the seeds last night — so delicious! So, my carving took about three hours… How cool does that look against the old architecture outside our window? I love the boyfriend’s “Boo!” pumpkin too! And he was finished in like an hour. We bought one of those cheapy carving kits at...

Mel

Query: Have you been "poisoned" by Toxic Family dysfunctions?

I’m currently looking for “members” of a toxic family — or those families  who consider a sibling, child, etc. a toxic part. I would also like to interview a professional on this subject — that being, in a field of counseling, psychiatry, family/sex therapy, et al. “Toxic” (for lack of a better word) goes beyond just disdain over the opinions of your...

Mel

Kudos & Some Ass-Kicking

Kudos: Room Service gets a big, big, big gold star! While Danielle did not have the item I needed in her store, she graciously offered to find it and call me once stocked (unfortunately, I needed it that day… poo on me for being a procrastinating last-minute shopper… blame Beer Week). She is such a fantastic, nice person, and I think her “goodness” is gosh-darn infectious. Plus, she...

Mel

Penis Tuesday

Last year, I gave you Pervs a look into the hottest Penis-inspired Halloween costumes. This year, instead of looking like a penis, why not just enhance your penis? Well, not enhance with, like, one of those contraptions, but a costume accentuating the parts you already got. Get it? Laughable? I thought so. Happy (Penis) Halloween! Bar Cento, I promise no carved penis pumpkins this year. That’s...

Mel

It’s my boyfriend’s birthday, and I’m going make you all puke.

You’re welcome for my gift, readers. Now, clean that shit up. So, it’s my boyfriend’s birthday this weekend (natch, all week by his standards), and we’re also closing out Cleveland Beer Week. I’ve requested a celebration entitled “Cleveland Cheese Week” for the week of my 33. That week also encompasses Cinco de Mayo, so it works, right? Queso: making birthday girls...

Mel

Is it a poop joke?

Ladies & Gentlepenises, Exhibit WTF: What the fuck does it mean: Plenty of Fish Dating: No dumping here! Free Online Dating: With no waiting for the cows to come home… err, to poop, I guess. Plenty of Fish: Cows do NOT need lovin’ too. Free Online Dating: And we play bocce with our ass here! Come look! (it could be a donkey… look at it!) Plenty of Fish… for me to poop on! Free...

Mel

Penis Tuesday

Well, being that it’s 60s weather this (Cleveland Beer) week, guess I won’t be needing any crocheted accessories… From Erika Lust’s Blog.

Mel

Cleveland Beer Week continued…

Our location for CBW Day #4 was the Stone Brewing Company beer dinner at Crop Bistro & Bar. Bravo to Chef Steve and the guys from Stone. You really should NOT have missed this event! I know I still have not posted on L’Albatros (also delicious), but Steve’s braised short ribs (at Crop) were the perfect consistency and texture I pray to Meat Gods for while fine dining.  Oh, there was SO...

Mel

Cleveland Beer Week aka: Best Week Ever!

If you’ve been tossed and left for drowning in a beer vat, then there’s a possibility you might not have heard about Cleveland Beer Week. In all its awesomeness, CBW promises HUNDRDS of events, scheduled at local restaurants and bars, breweries and beer/liquor stores, among several other locations around town. Here’s Part One of our Cleveland Beer Week tastings: Friday night, after...

Mel

Penis Tuesday

Like making romantic plans for Sweetest Day (seriously, fuckers, it’s THIS Saturday), I forgot about sharing my penis love with my internet lovelies once again. I’ve been very selfish with my own penis this week. Err, well… never mind. No worries, I’ll make it up in cake frosting. And you know… see you next...

Mel

Its ghost lives on… unless it’s in a vacuum cleaner bag.

I had a bit of time to write this afternoon, while I await a visitor (or is a coworker so much at ask?) to appear in the office to vacuum the giant hairy balls centipede underneath my desk. That I killed with Windex. His fault. He had a whole office to invade. He is the creature who so decided to crawl ever-so-close to my shoe. My cute little shoes that are never utilized to squoosh a bug. Never. Here are...

Mel

Puck n’ Sticks!

Hello, Monsters Hockey webmaster?! Why is it I cannot get a team picture when I pull up “team” to the website.  Or individual player pages? You *do* want me to promote a team whose season starts.. um, TOMORROW, right? I’ve been pucked, ladies. Stay tuned for your live ice sculptures for the season. ACK!! Live Chat box just popped up on their site. Freak! In the meantime, there’s...

Mel

Cougar. Rawr!

I swear to Whomever/Whatever in the Heavens, I am getting seriously annoyed by the over-saturation of the word “cougar.” Cougars. It’s like we live in a fucking zoo. Why can’t I be a giraffe? You know, spotty. Graceful. All… Necky. Even being a Bison or something right now would be cool. But they save that cool shit for minor-league baseball team mascots. Women? We always have...

Mel

Penis Tuesday

Oh, how could I neglect you? I completely and penisly forgot about Penis Tuesday. Penis. Sorry, I’ve been busy with my own… Uh, I already have one out of two of the items pictured here (you are wishing and hoping it’s the sequined penis, I know). Times like these I wish I were Private Dancer. I would totally waltz around in this on Halloween. Oh, PDs don’t waltz? Huh. - pic from...

Mel

Stupid Things You Do When Drunk

 By now we’ve all heard of my ominous, intuitive suggestion on the Browns ridding itself of freaking Edwards. We can all take a big breath while we wait for Mangina to serve some more smack down.   Where was I drunk fuckers… this post goes beyond the Walk of Shames, the “Imma-so-gonna-smack-you” and Passing Out in Handicapped Stalls on Your Birthday kind of drunk. I’m...

Mel

Things I did not learn in college:

You would think some essentials about freelancing would be taught in classrooms. Perhaps particular universities develop students differently, depending on program and individual concentrations. Unfortunately, it seems most of what I have learned professionally about public relations and journalism was dispensed “on the job” training (long after the checks have been cashed and loans have long...

Mel

The judges have spoken!

First off, a huge THANK YOU to Positively Cleveland for agreeing to judge the 30-Second Elevator Contest for me. Thank you, thank you! Secondly, here’s your prize pack: dozen cupcakes from A Cookie & A Cupcake (or one, if you’re selfish), a signed copy of “Please God Save Us” from Derek Hess & Kent Smith, a t-shirt from C.L.E. Clothing Co., a gift card to Greenhouse Tavern...

Mel

Google Says What?

Best Google search term EVER: how to deal with your boyfriend drunk at a browns game Heh. Seems that is how most of us get through the Browns’ games, right? RIGHT, Braylon? Stupid dick. Can we trade him already? That is all, team.

Mel

Singles and Couples are BOTH interesting!

I thought last week was great fun learning about a selection of local Cleveland singles. What do you think — do we make this a weekly feature… monthly? I received some fabulous comments on the theme last week, and, well, you come here to be entertained, no? I mean, my own life cannot be still that interesting… Here’s a list of last week’s Singles: #1 was my first victim,...