I was so happy that I had plans with my other M on Saturday to take my mind off otherwise awful events.
My afternoon was all about Cleveland! First stop was a trip to the West Side Market. I bought some tomato-basil hummus, cheese curds, chorizo, a beautiful eggplant, asparagus, baby tomatoes, fresh green onions, a [...]
Oh, I think my head will explode.
Not just a clever euphemism.
I hear if you jack it too much that you can actually make your penis explode. This is no laughing matter, as I actually almost lost my breakfast thinking about a penis rupture. Seems to happen more often than not when getting a bit too [...]
This category of post is never easy.
If you pay attention to local news, you may have heard the tragic story of the four Willoughby college students involved in a head-on collision near Athens County. One of those young men is my cousin, Rodney Hynd. His friend and driver was killed, as well as the driver [...]
I randomly thought today about another guy that I briefly dated in high school. And believe it, Internets — HE WAS A NICE GUY. I was only in my sophomore year, and I remember him coming to pick me up at my grandmother’s house (he was a year or two above me).
I was in awe [...]
Wow. I was a bit hypocritical yesterday. I say a few days ago that I will welcome and embrace my “single-ness,” then I go and be melodramatic about wanting to be in a relationship.
There Mel goes again: The Walking Contradiction.
What do you want to talk about today? I initially declared September to be National Talk [...]
Maybe that’s my problem. I’m not getting laid. And to be honest, I really have no desire to lay or be laid right now. The thought of getting into something emotionally sweaty again just churns my insides.
My surroundings have made me feel very meh as of late. Although I feel as though I’m on the [...]
Summer’s done and left me. No more hot dogs in my buns for a while.
Did you know that certain phallic-shaped food items actually have aphrodisiac effects? I figured I would list the foods you eat that pervertedly suggest the dirty, dirty on the penis while eating them:
The obvious selection, hot dog — they don’t call [...]
I chatted with my three-year old niece on the phone yesterday. She is remarkable with words and perhaps wise beyond her years some times:
Cutest Niece Ever: My boyfriend Miles is moving to New York. (note: little Miles is her next-door neighbor and they are inseparable)
Mel: I heard. Are you sad?
CNE: Yeah. Do you have [...]
While you were all trying to figure out forearm vs. leg (it’s forearm), or believing that only women could be shit-talkers (grown men can act like gossip girls too), I am preparing for the return of “HIMYM” and “Big Bang Theory.” I need myself a brilliant geek, me thinks. And perhaps a Whopper with cheese.
I [...]
Yesterday after getting my tattoo, I was looking in the bathroom mirror, being all poser– and posing. I actually said out loud, “I’m such a badass!” because, well, I’m a tool.
Then I hit my elbow on the corner of my granite countertop, teared up from the pain, and said a couple mutha-fuckers.
I’m so awesome. [...]
I am not necessarily a vengeful person; however, this morning my ears and face are burning with intense rage because I learned that someone was talking shit about me. Which, let the Karma fall where it may, I obviously do that here, but what-the-fuck-ever.
I swear to Christ I will be your worst fucking nightmare.
That being [...]
I’ve had the pleasure of being in love a few times. It is wonderful to be in that moment, even for a more realistic-than-romantic person like myself. That whole beginning, sappy, heart-bursting beginning to a newly-formed relationship. Just bliss and foreverness engraved in your heart. I started to think about my past loves — how [...]
While I’m left to my own devices attempting to figure out where in the world I gained a hangover through a glass of wine and a drink, here’s a brief hit into my whirlwind days of happy hours.
Apparently I needed to make up for being permanently attached to my couch (read: bathroom floor) all day [...]
I didn’t go all dramatic or crazy (or both) and destroy the contents of my ex box. As I opened it this weekend (whatever, I was already in a shitty mood), I realized this was not something I wanted to throw away. That being said, I did rid my box of a few less assholes’ [...]
Seeing as how I have unofficially dedicated this blog to my exes this month, how appropriate to have my guest blog about past losers appear on Ex-Boyfriend Jewelry — and on Penis Tuesday, to boot! If you don’t remember, I passed along some blog love to Ex-Boyfriend Jewelry recently, and they were awesome enough to [...]
I was reading an article online about cheating and the fantasy of coming face-to-face with the wench that ruined everything (of course, I can’t find the article now, but whatever, you get my drift). This happened to me, but in a very, very strange way, with a slightly satisfying outcome.
I was in a long relationship, [...]
Thanks for The Modern Gal for this gem. Twitter turns anonymous postings into something about the penis. I can now entertain myself all day! In fact, I think I will, with some all-things-penis from my own tweets:
loves when it’s cottage cheese and penis bars for lunch. about 2 hours ago from [...]
Deal Breakers, Benching, Pancaked… eh, I could do without all the clever ways of you masking the fact you DON’T want to date me. Seriously, fucking man up, assholes.
But for the interested, here’s what you really get for breakfast when you are pancaked (courtesy of Urban Dictionary).
And then here are eight rules to “benching” (courtesy [...]
Because I make the most awesome of decisions while intoxicated, I figure it would be perfect to do one or more of the following:
a) Give myself The Worst Ever Hangover, which prevented me from any and all tailgating activities ALL DAY long on Sunday.
b) Pass along my blog AND phone number to a Plain Dealer [...]
I don’t like sitting at my dining room table. I have probably eaten there a total of five times since I moved in nearly three years ago.
I usually distract myself during feeding times either on the floor at the coffee table or in front of my computer. Or “bachelor style” standing at the [...]
