Mel

You can’t find me!

The front piece of this cheap six-drawer dresser that I have in my bedroom fell off today from one of the middle drawers. Of course, had to go and be the “naughty drawer.”

Mel

And for your Friday…

I just caught wind of this blog Daily Bedpost. I tend to shy away from all-things-celebrity on the web, but this has a good blend of hilarious celebrity dating gossip, sex/dating/doctor advice and blurbs from those clueless womens’ rags. I was on a random “Things To Do Before You Die” web page (I like to find new things to add), then was re-routed to something about women wanting to sleep...

Mel

The historic event of consulting your AP guidebook.

I swear if I hear one more on-air broadcaster use the phrase “an historic” event or achievement or whatever, I will cut out your fucking tongue. Say it with me: historic. Starts with an “H,” right? The “H” sound in said word receives an “a” at the front of it. For reference, the word “hour” has a silent “H,” which means he gets an...

Mel

per Helmet fans request…

Here’s my pee story on Helmet’s Blogapalooza as a return favor for his taking over my blog at the beginning of this week. Not surprisingly, it’s another fun, raunchy story about a perverted ex.

Mel

Cleveland and life is awesome

OK, now that I’m over feeling depressed over my current state of personal real estate, we can move on to more important things, like alcohol. Before and after last Friday’s NIN concert, I paid my respects in bar tabs at Boneyard, Flannery’s pre-show. If I may mention living arrangements again, the Gateway District is still one of my top scouting locations for a new apartment. After the...

Mel

Mistake? Or a lesson to be learned?

I met with my Realtor last night to place my condo back on the market. Obviously, it’s NOT a good market to do that, but I never realized HOW bad. It’s worse than I imagined. I purchased it in 2006 — completely renovated with everything brand new (sans furnace). My market analysis reports that no unit that was placed for sale or that is under contract is selling remotely near even what I...

Mel

I wanna fuck you like an animal!

The Nine Inch Nails concert at the Q Friday night definitely goes into my Top 5 List of All Time concert experiences. Just. absolutely. fucking. incredible. Our seats were right of stage (thankfully, since I’m just too old to be moshing in general admission anymore) in the club level. Thinking that NIN would go on around 9, we headed over around 8:30 — and they had already started! Luckily, we...

Mel

Don’t pee on me!

Guest posted over at Helmet’s Blogapalooza: To pee or not to pee? Hey there, people of the Midwest and beyond, I’m Mellie Mel, your designated pervert of the day from Cleveland and my own little place on the internet: Life, Liberty & Pursuit of Your Boyfriend. I may do some crazy things to get my man (and subsequently write about those trials on my own blog), but sometimes guys, well, your...

Mel

Penis Tuesday

Penis for breakfast is a perfect start of the day to put your mouth around something tasty and get a little protein. I mean, I obviously like my penis with a hard white and a runny yolk. Penis for breakfast, again? Crap. Gives a whole new meaning to the pick-up line, “How you you like your...

Mel

Helmey @ Blogapalooza time!

I have no idea where or when Helmey and I became blog butt buddies, but ’tis true. Seeing as how I have limited technology access this awful Monday morning, I leave you with a guest post from Blogapalooza. And I intend to return the favor for his blog this week with a post about peeing, or penises. I haven’t yet decided. *snicker* Hola! I’m Helmey of the world famous Blogapalooza. My Blog...

Mel

Quit smoking!

Day 14: still no nicotine. Gum chewing (Orbit, not some nicorette crap) has also subsided dramatically. I’m sure you can all guess the status of my penis.

Mel

Patience. Waning. Abort! ABORT!

I admit, I do not have a lot of patience. Not for drivers going ten below the speed limit in the passing lane. Not for things that say they should work as instructed, but don’t (I’m not even sure that sentence makes sense. Verb usage? WTF? Anyway). I have ZERO TOLERANCE when I’m hungry and particularly when my food is fucked up. Boss Man was nice enough to buy the office Panera Bread...

Mel

Every day is exactly the same…

I have great friends. Good times, bad times, drunk times, they always lend a warm heart, an open ear and sometimes, a tasty beverage. I get a text last night during my Toast to the Trail event with an offer of a FREE ticket to see Nine Inch Nails tonight at the Q. Words cannot describe how incredibly excited I am today. And I’m sure I owe him a few beers pre-show for being so gracious. Now, on to...

Mel

I’m done with you phone, computer… myspace.

Technology never ceases to annoy every fuck out of me. I switched to Verizon last year, after multiple years of bullshit with AT&T/Cingular/at&t. Not surprisingly, right out of the box, my phone did not work in my office or my condo. You know, those two places that I spent majority of my natural life. Finally, fed up with a year’s worth of “no guaranteed indoor coverage,” I...

Mel

On being strong, and being woman

I’m sure many are at a loss of words today. While I haven’t particularly cared for many of Connie Schultz’s columns over the years, her editorial today was perfect and touching. If we can learn something (but only one of many, many fantastic qualities) from Stephanie Tubbs Jones as a woman, it should be to speak what you think and then stick to it. Read Remembering Stephanie Tubbs Jones....

Mel

Hangovers and breakfast

I’m either too hungover or too tired for a full weekend recap, especially being that it’s already Wednesday, but here’s a little run-down of some of the shit I’ve been up to in Cleveland: My friend came in from Columbus on Saturday. It was the perfect opportunity to eat at Luxe. I started off with a Dark & Stormy drink, which was awesome, then a Watermelon Mint martini, which...

Mel

The hills are alive with the sound of bitching

OK, so I finally had an opportunity to catch up on my guilty pleasure, The Hills (yeah, I know, dumb brain food) and its season premiere from this past Monday. While there’s certainly not any less drama this season, I think that they girls have definitely upped the bitch factor. And Lo can fucking bite a big one. I’m convinced she is just completely jealous of Audriana — who is just...

Mel

Lost in translation

Another place in Cleveland where I get lost is Tremont. How about when I left my location, attempting to find the freeway (or a familiar path), that I found the signs for the Cleveland Vibrator Company. I was also on the phone and totally screamed, “I know this place!” Then, I found my way. Too hilarious.

Mel

Penis Tuesday

Clone your willy! Clone your bone! Cast a shadow on your girlfriend’s new man with a nice anniversary present to the couple. Your penis. Because you need to show ‘em who’s really the boss. And you know, she always misses your penis most. Probably doesn’t matter much that you never made her come. Make your own dildo...

Mel

I am totally Bob Seger. You know, against the wind.

I was so excited this weekend for a beautiful Saturday morning for a long bike ride. I hate when a week or so passes, and I have no spare time to get out. Not unlike all my other trips, this was equally as adventurous. I had two main points of interest: Great Northern Mall (to return something) and the farmer’s market at Crocker Park. Even living on the west side for a number of years, I still get...