Mel

My name is Jim Dobson. Can I buy you a shot?

Weekend, much? Well, then let’s begin. It was a weekend of a thousand birthday celebrations, but for the same friend — another 30-year-old addition to the club. Friday night, we started with bar food and brews at Slim & Chubby’s. Mmmmm, BLT and giant salad. (Note: I ruined my diet this weekend with really crappy food. Starting over again today). I was exceptionally hungover all day...

Mel

The next boyfriend in my life…

will take me here. For no reason, other than I have wanted to stay at this gorgeous hotel for as long as I can remember. And it would be silly romantic. And I have never been to Washington, D.C. And this could possibly be the best date ever.

Mel

Back up & running

Thanks to my meandering into web things I do not completely understand, you might have noticed there was more than a little glitch with your favorite web reading pleasure yesterday. I still have a few little quirks  that  I need to tweak (ugh with this stupid contact form — I cannot remember the code fix to get it to show up in my dashboard!!), but thankfully I didn’t lose the whole...

Mel

My scary attempt at new dating adventures. Part 8,229,109.

The world is such an awesome place when you have work clients that share their great baseball seats and never-ending bar tabs. Not so awesome is waking up on a Friday morning… and feeling like ass. The hedgehogs over at one of Cleveland’s major banks shared their fourth-row-behind-the-visitor-dugout Indians tickets to entice us to add another new torture chamber for my work days (read:...

Mel

Taking the Bull by the Balls

My favorite definition of the word “bull” is of the vulgar variety: a ludicrously false statement; nonsense. Suggested by quoted e-mails between Mark Dann and his office love slave, Jessica Utovich, The Columbus Dispatch revealed Thursday that the ever-endearing moniker “bull” is the true pride of Mark Dann — his penis. In an e-mail from Utovich to Dann, inquiring to the current...

Mel

Heard around the office

BM: Why do your boobs jiggle like that when you laugh? Me: Because they’re real. Me: I had a sex dream about you. BM: We were having sex? Me: Yes, I must have missed you while you were on vacation.

Mel

My first attempt at finding that place where hearts melt in the grocery store.

The decision to wallow with a Cold Stone signature creation at Crocker Park was futile. While I realize it is practically impossible to keep calories at a minimum, I opted for the Sinless sugar-free version of the Apple Pie a’la Cold Stone, as to not provoke a sugar-induced evening of insomnia. Sure the sugar was removed from the ice cream, but definitely not the caramel or apple pie filling. So, I...

Mel

Oh, sigh, weekends and driving

I think I’m done with the east side for a while. I mean, save for commuting to work already EVERY day. This past weekend of driving killed me. Fortunately, my new rugged tires seemed to enjoy the lovely highway travel. I have a cousin that just graduated from St. Ignatius. It was bittersweet, being that his mom (my aunt) was the one who passed away just recently. The solemn memories seemed to...

Mel

Penis Tuesday

Penis cold? Knit your man one of these! Yes, these are the homemade instructions for a penis warmer. The fun doesn’t end there! Visit Naughty Knitting for more kinky do-it-yourself fun. But please, stay away from those itchy wool yarns. And that’s all she wrote, folks. Knitting, penis, balls. OK, just had to get that out of my...

Mel

Find me before I find you!

After drinking a few Mojitos with my sister and brother-in-law, we attempted to come up with some good locations for me to meet new men. 1. The obvious starter, with my new biking hobby, would be somewhere in the Metroparks, beach, lake, river. I will keep my eyes open for the All-Purpose Trail Hottie. 2. Why do people come up with the cliche Grocery Store Guy? Before moving my shopping to Trader...

Mel

I’d rather be boy crazy than bat-shit crazy!

While not being particularly interested in all-things-dating lately, I felt maybe the feelings and desires of the male anatomy just left me. Then I went for an hour bike ride in the Rocky River Metroparks last night. I was reminded of the appeal of those strong pieces of man meat with every passing 30-something hottie with a dog, sweaty runner with no shirt and pro-biker with shorts tight enough to see his...

Mel

I threw up. And then I puked. Hopefully I will gag on it.

Yeah for Mario Lopez. Douche-bag extraordinaire just got nominated by People Magazine for its Hottest Bachelor issue. Do you remember when I met him four years ago? Just gross. He was nasty then (inside and out) and is even more disgusting after his barrage of blah reality shows. Consider this your kick in the ass, Slater. Sealed with my vomit. Update: The night mentioned from 2004 when I met Mario Lopez....

Mel

You’re going to drive me to drinking, if you don’t stop driving that hot rod Lincoln!

While I love pretending my emergency fund is an excuse to take a vacation, today I played “big girl” and took my car in to be serviced. After my last experience with the rental car in Germany, I was none-to-plussed to find I would be borrowing another auto today. While the service department is picking up the cost, of course, I had to purchase the damage insurance and gasoline, which set me...

Mel

Paging Dan DaSilva!

I received my Community Health Connection newsletter from St. John West Shore Hospital in the mail yesterday and there was a great back story on several of the Lake Erie Monsters players visiting patients. And there he was… Dan DaSilva. *swoon* Ahem, Dan, I’m...

Mel

Penis Tuesday

Inspired by my latest track on my myspace profile, I went in search of the best songs about the penis. First up, a song to break the ice. The Bloodhand Gang is hilarious. I remember purchasing this album and tearing up from laughing so freaking hard. Enjoy “The Bad Touch.” I mean, just the Furries visual reference is awesome. Reminder folks, these videos will probably not be work...

Mel

Can I please stay in my dream world?

Twice in the last week I had dreams about SSD. (For those folks that don’t remember, the guy I dated a couple years ago). The first was rather tame. We just happened to be in the same place at the same time. Nice stuff. Last night’s sequence, he played a starring role (in the same shirt on his myspace profile pic). We were walking around what seemed like the Gaslight district of Cincinnati and...

Mel

Gray skies are gonna clear up!

Ah, weekends. I spent a lot of time with just myself this weekend, but I never felt alone. The strangest thing I realized after an errand-busy Saturday, was I had this perma-grin on my face. There was nothing particularly humorous on TV at the end of my evening. I was just smiley. Weird. It was a good day. I was the early bird on Saturday (up at about 8 a.m.), with a visit to Crocker Park, to ultimately...

Mel

I watch for the shower scene

I had another brief relapse into Boyfriends of Mel’s Past today: He was a long-distance guy, so when I would make the four-hour trip to see him after a long work week, he had a bath ready for me when I arrived. GOSH, I loved that tub! While I don’t think either one of us was exceptionally romantic, and I’m not particular to taking baths, this was something just so sweet. Of course, he...

Mel

Friday the 13th fears, phobias and penises

Leave it to Mel for another bonus to Penis Tuesday, with a special Friday the 13th edition! Here’s the list of phobias, specifically sexual in orientation. Use your dirty mind, people. Androphobia – Fear of men Anuptaphobia – Fear of staying single Carnophobia – Fear of meat Chiraptophobia – Fear of being touched Coitophobia – Fear of coitus Cypridophobia – Fear of...

Mel

Self-made Hoochie Research

For investigative purposes, I had to delve into the psyche of modern-day hoochbags. What better way to start than to search my personal photo files to see if I was also an early-20-something hoochie (NSFW!!). Research concluded… I was. Ladies and Germs, I give you Hoochie Exhibit “A” (Sorry, they’re all in pdf, as we did not have digital cameras in our early 20s and my Photoshop...